Archive | Uncategorized

So about that communication thing you humans are always recommending? I tried it today. I don’t see what the fuss is about. See, in relationshippy things I’m of the mind that if you have to ask you probably already know and so why put either party through the discomfort of the unpleasant conversation. And yet because it’s just a probability and not a certainty, it’s not that uncommon for me to spend weeks on the tail end of something unsure whether it’s over or not. I get stuck in the relationship’s muffin top! But instead of saying anything like, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice we haven’t gone out in four weeks, that means this is over even though you’re still emailing and texting me, right?” I opt to play it cool and give the guy his space and then one day I’ll find out he has a new girlfriend and I’ll realize that yes, I was right and it was over between us. And the fact that I even care will be a surprise to him because if I cared why didn’t I say something? So you see where I’m coming from in that you probably have no idea where I’m coming from.

But today the uncertainty of a certain situation which is not along the lines of the above as it’s not even a relationship but just a friendship that was beginning to metastasize into a full blown confusion blossom (sorry for the mixed metaphor) got the better of me and so I screwed up my courage and balled my hands into little fists and put on 80 SPF sunscreen because it’s just good thinking and belched out a confession of feelings to see whether I was alone in feeling them. Um, turns out I was! And am! “Well, I’m glad I know now,” I said, looking for the nearest pothole to fall into.

I’m still down there, by the way. I’m writing this blog post from the pothole. It has wifi and everything! Maybe I’ll do an episode of The Daily Alison from this pothole tomorrow.

I’m OK though, other than my general sense that the entire world should adore me and the cognitive dissonance that results from running into people who are unaware of this edict. I mean, seriously, how can someone not be totally taken with me and intoxicated with every last thing about me? It’s all so perplexing!

Who wants to play fun game which isn’t that fun and also isn’t really a game? You do!

Ok so I’m looking at the back of a bag of bean sprouts which has many delightful and delicious serving suggestions. In fact, in a fun font it says the following: Energize your menu with these delicious suggestions!

Guess which are the real suggestions and which are the ones I made up?

Flavorful side dish: Stir fry sprouts with onions, mushrooms, zucchini and buttons.

Add to omelettes.

Light and satisfying: Stir fry sprouts with tofu cubes and soy sauce.

Put under pillow and wait for the sprout fairy.

Use in meatloaf.

Nutritious crunch: Add raw sprouts to salads and sandwiches.

Less nutritious crunch: Add raw sprouts to butter.

Refreshing: Put chilled sprouts in sleeve to keep hands cool.

Toss with sesame seeds.

Hang bag of sprouts from string in the yard and take turns hitting it with baseball bat. Whoever hits the bag hard enough to open it wins bag of sprouts!

The Fuji Favorite: Microwave sprouts for 1 to 1/2 minutes then top with warm marinara or au gratin sauce.

I love this video of the duck ring tone that interrupted Obama for two reasons;

1) When I was a kid I had a phone that quacked like a duck only it sounded like a Satanic electronic squawking, not an actual quack, but still.

2) “Is there a duck in here?” is one of my favorite euphemisms for asking if someone farted. Ooh, if I were less mature I’d condone fart sounding ring tones. Good thing I think that’s sophomoric and totally beneath me.

I’ll be on The Strategy Room in the noon hour tomorrow (Wednesday) and I’ll be on CNET’s The 404 on Thursday. In theory you could go to my appearances page and it would be updated with loads of great info and a fresh batch of brownies but I haven’t updated it or baked yet.

If I wanted to live in Seattle I would have moved there.

Hey designers and people who are crafty. I want to make t-shirts so we can all profess our love for me however I don’t know what they should look like. I think we need a logo. What do you guys think? What do you want to wear?

I’m thinking something like “Have You Had Your Daily Alison?” somewhere and maybe alisonrosen.com somewhere else? Clearly when it comes to merchandise, I’m just a consumer. Anyway, if you can design a logo and it’s awesome, that logo will appear on a shirt and you will get a free shirt and I’ll interview you on The Daily Alison (if you want. no pressure if you prefer your anonymity). So do your best work and send it to alisonmrosen [at] gmail [dot] com with “t-shirt design” in the subject line.

As today is Father’s Day, my guest will be my dad! However real life has interceded and so the awesome interview won’t be going up until tonight. Today’s Daily Alison will be a Nightly Alison.

And happy Father’s Day to all dads and happy Father’s Day to all moms too. And all ducklings.

My friend Wendy Molyneux and her husband Jeff Drake and Brooke Dillman and Tuc Watkins made this hilarious video which I think you should watch if you enjoy laughing. If you don’t enjoy laughing, then please dip into my archives and read about when I nearly choked to death on a pickle.

Well it’s finally happened. Despite the fact that I’m hugely successful and everything’s all aces and shit’s going gangbusters and my greatest problem is that my wallet is too small to accommodate all my money (it’s like a fat lettuce sandwich… especially since last night I replaced the cash inside with lettuce) I had to call up the cable company and downgrade because I decided that a fun thing to do would be to pinch pennies.

Seriously, don’t throw anything at me right now because I won’t be able to catch it because my hands are busy pinching pennies.

So goodbye Hallmark Channel which I used to MASH on. Goodbye BIO channel which I always meant to watch more especially since I’m on you the time. Goodbye DIY channel—perhaps the cruelest salutation of them all since I enjoyed many of your shows even if I sometimes liked the before bathroom better than the after. Goodbye G4, which I also never really watched but enjoyed having the option of watching. Goodbye Travel channel—I never watched you and I’m sorry about that. What can I say now to make it ok? You deserved better. Goodbye National Geographic Channel—wait, maybe this isn’t goodbye? I hope not because I like The Dog Whisperer however if this is goodbye, please think of me fondly and I promise to do the same. Goodbye MTV2, Fuse, Reelz and all the HD channels. Maybe I should have appreciated you more while I still had you? Still, you were a comforting presence and now you just stare at me blankly, flashing that number I can call to purchase you. I will not be beguiled! Nor will I be seduced. We had our time together and it was sweet but I have to move on.

God, when will the pain stop? It’s been a good hour or more yet I’m still stuck in that place, thinking about the past.