So about that communication thing you humans are always recommending? I tried it today. I don’t see what the fuss is about. See, in relationshippy things I’m of the mind that if you have to ask you probably already know and so why put either party through the discomfort of the unpleasant conversation. And yet because it’s just a probability and not a certainty, it’s not that uncommon for me to spend weeks on the tail end of something unsure whether it’s over or not. I get stuck in the relationship’s muffin top! But instead of saying anything like, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice we haven’t gone out in four weeks, that means this is over even though you’re still emailing and texting me, right?” I opt to play it cool and give the guy his space and then one day I’ll find out he has a new girlfriend and I’ll realize that yes, I was right and it was over between us. And the fact that I even care will be a surprise to him because if I cared why didn’t I say something? So you see where I’m coming from in that you probably have no idea where I’m coming from.
But today the uncertainty of a certain situation which is not along the lines of the above as it’s not even a relationship but just a friendship that was beginning to metastasize into a full blown confusion blossom (sorry for the mixed metaphor) got the better of me and so I screwed up my courage and balled my hands into little fists and put on 80 SPF sunscreen because it’s just good thinking and belched out a confession of feelings to see whether I was alone in feeling them. Um, turns out I was! And am! “Well, I’m glad I know now,” I said, looking for the nearest pothole to fall into.
I’m still down there, by the way. I’m writing this blog post from the pothole. It has wifi and everything! Maybe I’ll do an episode of The Daily Alison from this pothole tomorrow.
I’m OK though, other than my general sense that the entire world should adore me and the cognitive dissonance that results from running into people who are unaware of this edict. I mean, seriously, how can someone not be totally taken with me and intoxicated with every last thing about me? It’s all so perplexing!
” Uncertainty is kinda like the dancer’s silhouette……. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spinning_Dancer …….”
That's OK, Alison. Next weekend after you get back, you and some friends need to go out on a bender. Hit every corner bar in Brooklyn so by Monday morning you won't remember anything that's happened for the last 6 months. Maybe I'll join you – there're some things I'd like to forget too.
Sorry for the bad stuff Ms. Rosen. Wish I could lay down some platitudes like 'cowboy up' or some of that spectacular bullshit about 'if it's meant to be.'
But you're smart enough for that to not really mean anything.
So for now just try to remember that, while somebody in your life might be able to make you feel like hell, you've got the talent to make us partisans of your particular form of entertainment– hereabouts, on the twitter, at absurd hours when Red Eye airs– feel like we have somebody hundreds of miles away that cares enough to tell us bad jokes just for a laugh.
I know it's not something you can put in the bank or keep you warm at night, but I think it's pretty special. And I imagine that it's because you're pretty damn special. Just try to remember that when things get a little sucky.
Oh, and Cowboy Up.
That’s OK, Alison. Next weekend after you get back, you and some friends need to go out on a bender. Hit every corner bar in Brooklyn so by Monday morning you won’t remember anything that’s happened for the last 6 months. Maybe I’ll join you – there’re some things I’d like to forget too.
Sorry for the bad stuff Ms. Rosen. Wish I could lay down some platitudes like ‘cowboy up’ or some of that spectacular bullshit about ‘if it’s meant to be.’
But you’re smart enough for that to not really mean anything.
So for now just try to remember that, while somebody in your life might be able to make you feel like hell, you’ve got the talent to make us partisans of your particular form of entertainment– hereabouts, on the twitter, at absurd hours when Red Eye airs– feel like we have somebody hundreds of miles away that cares enough to tell us bad jokes just for a laugh.
I know it’s not something you can put in the bank or keep you warm at night, but I think it’s pretty special. And I imagine that it’s because you’re pretty damn special. Just try to remember that when things get a little sucky.
Oh, and Cowboy Up.
In the famous words of General George S. Patton, ““Fixed fortifications are monuments to man's stupidity.”
What does that quote have to do with your post…not a whole lot!
But on the bright side my little Applestrudle, you still have me!
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. – Matt Groening “Life in Hell”
In the famous words of General George S. Patton, ““Fixed fortifications are monuments to man’s stupidity.”
What does that quote have to do with your post…not a whole lot!
But on the bright side my little Applestrudle, you still have me!
Ms. Rosen,
I find that its best to follow that type of awkward conversation by sending the person an unnecessarily long email recapping the event and qualifying your comments from the conversation. By best I mean that I cling to this tactic even though it never yields positive results and only serves to exacerbate the awkwardness while eviscerating any remnants of my dignity. So you know, basically the same thing.
For whatever comfort a random stranger can provide, it helps me to imagine I'm being hugged by Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting after he assures me, “It's not your fault, it's not your fault…”
Jason
Joe…is that a one or two person snowmobile? It actually makes a difference if I know!
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. – Matt Groening “Life in Hell”
I'm not sure, Ted. But it sure would be nice to have someone else there to help fight off the ice weasels.
Well technically, it is her fault. If she had kept her mouth shut…. well you know… she'd still be making Daily Alisons! 😛
Ms. Rosen,
I find that its best to follow that type of awkward conversation by sending the person an unnecessarily long email recapping the event and qualifying your comments from the conversation. By best I mean that I cling to this tactic even though it never yields positive results and only serves to exacerbate the awkwardness while eviscerating any remnants of my dignity. So you know, basically the same thing.
For whatever comfort a random stranger can provide, it helps me to imagine I’m being hugged by Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting after he assures me, “It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault…”
Jason
If I could have an imaginary date with Alison….we'd ride horses on the beach around sunset! Unless she is allergic to horses….if she was, then we'd go to some other non-allergen location of her choice.
Joe…is that a one or two person snowmobile? It actually makes a difference if I know!
I’m not sure, Ted. But it sure would be nice to have someone else there to help fight off the ice weasels.
Well technically, it is her fault. If she had kept her mouth shut…. well you know… she’d still be making Daily Alisons! 😛
If I could have an imaginary date with Alison….we’d ride horses on the beach around sunset! Unless she is allergic to horses….if she was, then we’d go to some other non-allergen location of her choice.
So you and Andy Levy just sorta broke up or are sorta in a relationshippy thingy. I am so confused.
If you only fell for me, I would never abandon you. Unless you were, like, annoying or something. In which case, why should I have to put up with shit?
So you and Andy Levy just sorta broke up or are sorta in a relationshippy thingy. I am so confused.
If you only fell for me, I would never abandon you. Unless you were, like, annoying or something. In which case, why should I have to put up with shit?
So you and Andy Levy just sorta broke up or are sorta in a relationshippy thingy. I am so confused.
If you only fell for me, I would never abandon you. Unless you were, like, annoying or something. In which case, why should I have to put up with shit?