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The paper that dare not speak its name

Okay I have an important question: What kind of toilet paper do you guys use? Because I keep buying Cottonelle which then breaks apart in my hand and if I wanted a fistful of my own ass I would just forgo toilet paper altogether. Then again, I’m very averse to something like Charmin Ultra Strong because once I bought it accidentally and it’s like a scouring pad for your butt. It’s like a butt buff puff. An ass loofah. I realize I’m likely alienating many of you by even talking about this. It’s for a friend. A friend who occasionally  uses the bathroom. I myself merely go in there to do my hair which always looks great anyway.

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One minute celeb rant

Remember in yesterday’s episode how I said I may or may not put the above video on my blog? I decided I would. And I just did. As I said yesterday, it was for an audition but I didn’t want to deprive you of any of my precious words, because each of them is like a diamond wrapped in rubies covered in gold and dipped in gravy.

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Site: Todd Jackson | Art Direction: Josh Holtsclaw | Original Logo: Kezilla | Show Music: Tom Rapp