Blog | Alison Rosen

Watching "The Balls File"

By Alison Rosen on March 3, 2009 in Uncategorized

which is the aforementioned nightmare of a video file which I talked about yesterday and one thing is screechingly clear to me:

Dustin and I think Dustin and I are very funny.

Dustin and I Had a Little Debate About Naming

By Alison Rosen on March 3, 2009 in dustin, reviews of movies we haven’t seen, video, vlogs

Books, shows and movies as imagined by Nadya Suleman

By Alison Rosen on March 3, 2009 in comedy, lists

Are we as a culture over Octo Mom? Or is it just me because I talked about it on Geraldo on Oscars night? (Oh, did I mention that already?) Anyway, I made this list even though it feels kind of like a yesterday thing to do. Maybe I’m just moving too fast? Probably. I’m very ahead of my time. In fact I’ve already enjoyed this weekend. I’d tell you what I did but don’t want to cause a tear in the space time continuum. I’m sure you understand. [oh, and cheesy request here but if you like this list please use the Share This button at the bottom to digg it or technorati it or make it delicious or put lip gloss on it or call it Trudie or whatever it is that people do when they do that stuff.]

Books, shows and movies as imagined by Nadya Suleman

What to Expect When You’re Expecting Octuplets

With Eight You Get Eggroll… And Gov’t Assistance

Eight Isn’t Enough

Three Men and a Baby, Plus Seven More Babies, Minus Three Men

He’s Just Not That Into Eight Babies

The Audacity of Hoping No One Notices You’re a Crazy Bitch With Fourteen Children

The Seven Habits of Highly Fertile Women

I Hope They Serve Huggies In Hell

Like Breast Milk For Chocolate

The Unbearable Lightness of Micro-Preemies

Question

By Alison Rosen on March 2, 2009 in Uncategorized

Ok blog readers new and old, I have a question for you. If I were to choose a comment of the week or a few or something is that the kind of thing that would be awesome and promote goodness and virtue and gumdrops and unicorns among all of us or would it create a Lord of the Flies type situation? Because I love all of you equally and also I love each of you more than any of the others and today I was reading comments and laughing out loud and my eyes were almost watering I was so loving the comments but I don’t want to get in there and mess up our delicate, um, community. You know how one’s digestive system is a delicate balance of bacteria (the good kind) and also whatever else is in there and if you take antibiotics or eat too much yogurt or something it can throw everything out of whack? Well I don’t want this blog to get a yeast infection or become gaseous. I don’t want to essentially rub raw eggs or salmonella infested chicken all over the cutting board of our love. You know?

Tobey channels golden age of recording

By Alison Rosen on March 2, 2009 in dogs, dogs that dance, Tobey

Reader Kathy Lang on Facebook pointed out something I hadn’t noticed! See below.

This is making me want to punch my computer

By Alison Rosen on March 2, 2009 in Uncategorized

You may have to click on it to be able to read it. See, this wouldn’t be annoying if I’d actually been able to download anything today but instead I tried and when the thing said it was 27% downloaded for about three hours (the whole download was only supposed to take two hours) I finally made the Sophie’s Choice decision that it was actually frozen and not just taking its sweet time so I canceled the download. Sort of like when you’ve been sitting on hold for a long time and then finally give up but worry that now you’ll have to start over. Or when you’re waiting to use a public restroom and it’s taking forever and you suddenly worry that maybe there’s no one in the bathroom and you decide you’ll just wait a little longer instead of being that psycho pounding on the door so you wait a little longer and then you realize that if there’s no one in there as you fear, you’ll never find out because eventually NOTHING will happen and that will be the indicator. That stretching yawning nothingness. Have I lost you all?

A few things

By Alison Rosen on March 2, 2009 in couches, lists

1. My computer is surrounded by a force field of inactivity which sucks me into sitting in front of it and blithely fucking around (as ever Todd, I am sorry!) and yet accomplishing very little. It’s enervating. Maybe it’s releasing carbon monoxide fumes? I will attach a detector to my forehead.

2. Um… I know there was something else I was going to say but see number 1.

3. Oh yes! I received a call today and my caller ID said “telemarketer.” It was the single best moment I’ve ever experienced with caller ID and now I’m marrying caller ID and my last name will be ID. Alison Rosen ID. And I’ll give birth to LCD read outs. I tried to take a picture but because of the flash it didn’t come out.

Yep, you can’t make it out.

Also can’t make it out in this one.

And then I noticed a striking similarity between the blurry bright greenish caller ID photos and the blurry bright greenish me photo above.

And then here’s a photo of a duckling.

4. I’m going to be on a radio show tomorrow around 11am ET. I’ll tell you the details when I’m good and ready so just step off.

5. Just kidding. Step on!

6. Dustin and I recorded what struck both of us as an insanely awesome supersized video which is like the ghost in the machine. Is that a reference to something that fucks (sorry Todd) up your machine? Because that’s what I mean. It’s the shoe that the saboteurs threw into the whatever they threw shoes into. It’s a sabot. Could I BE more pretentious right now with my fancy French references? [This just in, I went looking for a link about the origin of the word sabotage and apparently that story may be apocryphal. So, hmmmmmmmm.]

7. What I mean to say is that I can’t get the damn thing on my computer and it’s bugging the fuck (I’m not even going to say it this time) out of me. But I will persevere.

8. Except apparently not near my computer because of the aforementioned daze I’m lulled into when I get near it.

9. Sleepy. Sooooo sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

10. You know that scene in The Jungle Book where Mowgli is sort of hypnotized by the snake whose eyes go in circles? Am I even remembering this correctly? I’m not sure because I’m practically sleep blogging. This is like that.