Blog | Alison Rosen

A few things

By Alison Rosen on March 2, 2009 in couches, lists

1. My computer is surrounded by a force field of inactivity which sucks me into sitting in front of it and blithely fucking around (as ever Todd, I am sorry!) and yet accomplishing very little. It’s enervating. Maybe it’s releasing carbon monoxide fumes? I will attach a detector to my forehead.

2. Um… I know there was something else I was going to say but see number 1.

3. Oh yes! I received a call today and my caller ID said “telemarketer.” It was the single best moment I’ve ever experienced with caller ID and now I’m marrying caller ID and my last name will be ID. Alison Rosen ID. And I’ll give birth to LCD read outs. I tried to take a picture but because of the flash it didn’t come out.

Yep, you can’t make it out.

Also can’t make it out in this one.

And then I noticed a striking similarity between the blurry bright greenish caller ID photos and the blurry bright greenish me photo above.

And then here’s a photo of a duckling.

4. I’m going to be on a radio show tomorrow around 11am ET. I’ll tell you the details when I’m good and ready so just step off.

5. Just kidding. Step on!

6. Dustin and I recorded what struck both of us as an insanely awesome supersized video which is like the ghost in the machine. Is that a reference to something that fucks (sorry Todd) up your machine? Because that’s what I mean. It’s the shoe that the saboteurs threw into the whatever they threw shoes into. It’s a sabot. Could I BE more pretentious right now with my fancy French references? [This just in, I went looking for a link about the origin of the word sabotage and apparently that story may be apocryphal. So, hmmmmmmmm.]

7. What I mean to say is that I can’t get the damn thing on my computer and it’s bugging the fuck (I’m not even going to say it this time) out of me. But I will persevere.

8. Except apparently not near my computer because of the aforementioned daze I’m lulled into when I get near it.

9. Sleepy. Sooooo sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

10. You know that scene in The Jungle Book where Mowgli is sort of hypnotized by the snake whose eyes go in circles? Am I even remembering this correctly? I’m not sure because I’m practically sleep blogging. This is like that.

11. Maybe it’s the snow?

12. I got a call today. My couch is ready to be scheduled for delivery. For those who are new to my blog, well, perhaps the old timers around here can explain the significance in the comments? I’m too lazy and tired.

13. Oh and one more thing, where are my blog followers going? The number went from 111 to 104. Is it because of the koala bear?

14. Just didn’t want to end on 13 even though I’m not superstitious except for sometimes.

My dad playing trumpet and Tobey joining in

By Alison Rosen on March 2, 2009 in dogs, dogs that dance

He’s a very musical dog. Can’t say I agree with his choice of albums and MP3s (mostly slow jams) but I appreciate his passion.

I'm drunk on my own power!

By Alison Rosen on March 1, 2009 in Uncategorized

check out this post.

And P.S. I totally friended him after reading it. I just hadn’t logged into the Activity Pit in awhile to check my friend requests.

Getting To Know Alison (wherein I totally humiliate myself)

By Alison Rosen on March 1, 2009 in dustin, video, vlogs

I feel I’ll regret this video and yet, here it is. Enjoy!

Clips from Friday night's Red Eye

By Alison Rosen on March 1, 2009 in Red Eye, video

Thanks to Joe McDonald for making this video!

Look, it's another 30 Seconds On…

By Alison Rosen on March 1, 2009 in 30 Seconds On, dustin, video, vlogs

After staying up half the night trying in vain to import* a video and failing because I don’t have enough room on my hard drive I decided to go nuts and buy a 1TB external hard drive. This means I can store everything in the whole world on it, or so I’ve been led to believe. I’m going to start by loading puppies onto it. In other news, here is this video. I decided to leave the extraneous chatter at the beginning in here even though I suspect Dustin will think I should have edited it out because the way I see it, without it, the whole thing would just be too slick and professional seeming. We’re kind of always at constant risk of that.

*from China. Weekend at Bernie’s Three.

More photos from Red Eye last night

By Alison Rosen on February 28, 2009 in photos, photos from TV, Red Eye

Here’s where I made this thoughtful face.

And then here’s where I smiled in a way that looks nothing like me to me.

And then here’s where I said I tested positive for Stockholm Syndrome but had gone on to lead a rich and rewarding life. (The truth is that I had to get a mole removed but Stockholm Syndrome was the only thing insurance would cover!)

And then here’s where I said something else.

And then something else. Not sure what but pretty sure it was brilliant.

And then here’s where I was about to say something amazing.

And then here’s where I said something that made everyone start clapping and crying.

And then here’s where I ate my upper lip.

101 Things To Do In A Sh*tty Economy, 1-11

By Alison Rosen on February 28, 2009 in comedy, lists

Bad finances got you down? Try one of the following penny-pinching solutions.

1. Never can get the last bits of lipstick out of your near empty tubes? Don’t fret, pet. Wait until you’ve got a bunch (at least 5) and then head to your nearest MAC store where you can use them to beat the cashier until she hands over all the money in the register.

2. Weather is your friend. Capture light wintry mix in a bowl. Add dirt from your garden (No garden? Scrape the bottom of your shoe!) and serve at your next cocktail party!

3. Don’t throw out those last pieces of soap. Put them in a pot, boil them down and make soup!

4. Shave your head. The money you save on shampoo alone will be enough to buy food for your egg-laying chicken. (see #5)

5. Buy an egg-laying chicken. The money you save on eggs alone will be more than enough to pay for a wig. (see #4)

6. Egg-laying chicken turned out to be a rooster? Look on the bright side. Now you’ll never miss another sunrise. Nor will any of your neighbors!

7. OK so it looks like you’ll be needing a lawyer as your neighbors weren’t able to look on the bright side. Whip up a bowl of your best soap soup and offer to trade services. (Soap soup in exchange for legal representation.)

8. So you got evicted. Grab your rooster and hit the road. Think of it as an adventure! Fuck conformity, hobo chic style!

9. Instead of spending your hard earned money at a laundromat, wash clothes in shower (just get in shower fully clothed) and then dry them in the microwave. Make sure there’s no metal in your clothing. Consider a browning sleeve if you like your shirts crispy.

10. Old cook’s secret: In a pinch, eye makeup remover can double for olive oil in your recipes.

11. Baking a cake but unsure whether the oven is the right temperature and can’t afford an accurate thermometer? Stick hand in oven. When skin is light and flaky, cake is done.

[do I even need to say that you shouldn’t actually try any of these at home and this list is just a joke?]