Blog | Alison Rosen

Quiz time!

By Alison Rosen on April 24, 2009 in quiz day

Here on the blog, Friday is quiz day! I just decided that and I’ll probably un-decide it by the time next Friday rolls around and by “next” I mean one week from today which some people would refer to as “this.” Ok, quiz time! Put on your quiz hats. Mine looks like this:

Ok wait, I lied. Sometimes it looks like this…

I basically switch back and forth between the two. And to answer your question, I don’t know who those guys are but I like the way they are totally committing to the hats which you can tell because they are wearing black turtlenecks. It’s like they got up in the morning and thought, “Maybe I’ll do some pantomime, maybe I’ll do some spoken word in a black box theater, maybe I’ll wear a hot dog on my head but whatever I do, I want the work to speak for itself.” I really respect that.

Now, the quiz:

Tonight I’ll be on:

a) Red Eye
b) drugs
c) pointe (it’s a ballet thing)
d) a booze cruise

I'm here!

By Alison Rosen on April 23, 2009 in Uncategorized

Don’t worry internet darlings! This morning I looked at my blog and saw that the last time I posted was Monday and I wondered how I’d fallen into this sorry state of non-posting. It’s not like I don’t have things to talk about. For one, I bought a lot of paper towels and toilet paper yesterday! That’s exciting! Also, I have important things to discuss about milk! And I talked to a few comedy manager people and all that’s been churning around in my brain like what happens in your stomach before you throw up. There’s essentially a tidal wave of stomach bile in my brain, so you can imagine what it’s doing to my hair. It’s not good. Perhaps that’s the reason the guy at the store recently fixed me in his steely gaze and despite all the progress we’d made recently (lately he’s just been saying “hello”) said “how you feeling? you feeling ok?” prompting me to realize that my imaginary illness has taken a turn for the worse. That was a long messed up sentence and I don’t care. I don’t care, people.

I do care, that’s the thing. I care deeply. I have half a mind to just go back to that sentence and fix it. But I’m not going to. Must move forward. Always moving forward. Except for when I’m looking back. Then I’m just moving forward but looking back and running into things.

Also, I think pre-conditions are the same as conditions. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I just think they’re the same. Are you with me? Let me know.

And I think I’m on Red Eye tomorrow. Yay!

rain; brains

By Alison Rosen on April 20, 2009 in Uncategorized

First of all I feel that weather.com didn’t accurately emotionally prepare me for this onslaught of rain. “Showers”? It’s more like, um, what are really strong showers? Hoses. It’s hoses out there. Maybe even hoses with the spray attachment.

Second of all, check this out! There’s hope for the truly lazy! Some mornings I’ll sit at my computer and wish I could click on things without having to use my hands. I’m not even sure why. Probably because they’re otherwise occupied holding a duckling or playing cat’s cradle. Well, good news for me!

Anna and I got it on in the backseat of a car!

By Alison Rosen on April 19, 2009 in anna david, Red Eye, video, vlogs

Okay fine, by “it” I just mean the camera. We turned a camera on in the backseat of the car after Red Eye. What a cheap tease that was. Anyway, look! A video featuring Anna and me! Yay! Also, I was looking at Anna’s blog and do you guys want your own tags? Is that what I’m hearing? Is that the dealio? Is that the scuttlebutt? The news? The 411? The word on the street? The story? The guff? The, uh, er… I’m running out of terms… I feel like there are some funny ones I’m missing. Crap! Tags?

More photos!

By Alison Rosen on April 18, 2009 in photos, photos from TV, Red Eye

More photos you guys! It’s truly a banner Saturday for you!

Here I am on Red Eye being all smiley.

Here I am being thoughtful.

Here I am making this face.

Yep, another face.

Here I am on Red Eye the week before looking like I was suffering some kind of allergy attack although I don’t think I was.

Did I already post this photo?

Photos!

By Alison Rosen on April 18, 2009 in photos, Red Eye, the 404

I’m overdue in posting photos so here I go. What a wonderful Saturday surprise for you, right?

Here I am with Jeff Bakalar and Wilson Tang from CNET’s The 404.

Here’s Jeff during the show.

Here’s me before the show.

Here’s Jeff, Justin and Wilson the night before at The 404 Meetup.

Here’s me looking achingly beautiful in the car on the way home from Tuesday’s Red Eye appearance.

I’m happy about the way this camera captures the blue color of my skin. It’s a new embalming fluid I’m using. I think it’s really working!

Here I am in the green room of Red Eye. Fun fact: It’s also the green room used by Morning Show w/ Mike and Juliet and Hannity.

Here’s a public restroom key on a giant key chain. I think giant keychains are funny, especially if they happen to be toothbrushes or something related to the business which houses the bathroom. This wasn’t a giant wooden stick store though, it was a cafe. How uncreative! Anyway though when I walked out brandishing said key I mumbled to something in line about how I almost lost the key! No one thought it was funny. Or rather, no one else thought it was funny. (I had a hearty chuckle at my joke though.)

Here’s a tree in Brooklyn which I uploaded on twitpic with the caption “Coward!”

Here’s a pinball machine featuring the likeness of Courtney Friel I think. “Oh my God, I know her!” I exclaimed, pointing to the pinball machine and taking a photo.

“No way! I know her too!” I said, pointing to Ms. Pacman and taking a photo.

The 404 post-show diner chatter

By Alison Rosen on April 17, 2009 in the 404, video

I have lots of blog posts in me, kids. It’s why I’m walking around holding my lower back and panting. Any minute now I expect my blog water to break and then I’ll retire to my birthing hut where I’ll give birth to a litter of bloglings.

Anyway, today I was on The 404. Here’s their post about it and you can listen there too. And below is a post-show video.

UPDATE: The 404 is at 1:30 pm ET

By Alison Rosen on April 17, 2009 in the 404

Everyone go back to sleep! (but watch here at 1:30 ET www.watchbol.com)

See me on The 404 Friday morning

By Alison Rosen on April 16, 2009 in the 404

Go here at 11am ET http://www.watchbol.com/ and you can watch the live stream of the show.

Perhaps you’ll be surprised by what I look like? Except if you’re reading this here on this blog, you probably know what I look like. But tonight I went to The 404 meetup and met a guy who was like “Alison? THE Alison? Alison Rosen?” which of course I’m beyond used to, and then he told me I looked so different than how he imagined I looked while listening to me on the show because I look like “such a nice girl” but based on how “hysterical and raunchy” I sound, he expected me to be wearing a wife beater and smoking a cigarette. Guess he hasn’t seen me on the weekends.

I had an argument with an egg

By Alison Rosen on April 16, 2009 in freelancing makes you weird, meringue experiment

Being freelance affords you plenty of time to be sure you’re going nuts. I devote a small portion of each day to said endeavor, but sometimes the realization creeps up on you unannounced, such as when you find yourself having an argument with an egg.

Asshole

See, what happened is I was making my famous meringues which I’ve written about before. To make these you must separate the egg whites from the yolks and I recently started using an egg separator which is amazing and I recommend you all head out and buy one or just steal one from your sister which is what I did.

Egg Separator

So I crack the egg—one handed because I’m fancy—into the egg separator and then jiggle it to let all the egg white drip into the bowl. Big blobs of egg white are clinging to the yolk though and just hanging there despite my incessant jiggling. At this point I actually say, with a lot of anger behind it: “Oh come on you viscous piece of shit!”

It was strange and came out of nowhere, though, I mean, the egg totally had it coming.

Yeah that’s right. You go back to your egg house and think about what you’ve done.

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