I don’t know if my IQ drops by about 20 points when I’m at my parent’s house in Orange County or if I’m just tired from all the lying around but I’ve been sitting in this chair staring straight ahead for a while now and I’ve yet to solve any of the world’s problems.
Problems I’ve yet to solve:
Why are ducklings so cute?
Why do I have a headache?
Why is everyone saying Entourage was so sucky? (I thought it was pretty good last night)
Why do I gain 45 pounds every time I come to CA?
How did I get to be so wonderful?
What’s up with that?
How’s it going?
Where do I come up with these things?
No really, where
Why did I first want to write that my IQ drops about 20 “degrees”?
Am I actually going to make the phone calls I need to make or just keep thinking that I need to make phone calls?
Should I wear a sombrero to the party I’m going to tonight because I’m not loving my hair right now?
Or should I paint a very small mural on my forehead to distract from the hair?
Should I get up from this chair?
If there was some kind of device that would push me out of this chair would it be a chair lift? But not the skiing kind of chair lift, just another chair lift? I could get behind that.
So you see, I’m getting a LOT of stuff accomplished over here.
In other news, I think I may have written two not-very-funny jokes last night. Although they’re obvious enough that I can’t believe I’m the first to think of them. Yet unfunny enough that I don’t think I’ve heard them before. Shall we?
Q: What did the drug dealer say to the junkie?
A: “You gotta get right back on the horse.”
Another one? Ok:
Q: Why was everyone mad at the junkie?
A: He kept talkin’ smack.
Get it? I don’t know why my jokes are heroin based, by the way. I didn’t even eat poppy seed muffins or anything!
I suppose I should take a shower since I have to be somewhere in many hours.
Ok then.
Also, I’m having that neither here nor there feeling I often get when I’m neither here nor there. Like, I could easily stay out here longer and that would be fun. And yet I know my life is in NYC and so I should go back. But it’s so easy here except for the way everyone’s always throwing avocados at you and trying to get you to have plastic surgery. “No more implants!” I yelled, as an avocado went whizzing past my new nose. It was scary and yet exhilarating. In New York they just throw metrocards at you. Also, before I came out here I was in a huge screaming rush and so I left my apartment in disarray. I’m not looking forward to going back to the way I left it although thankfully I filled the ground with a couple feet water, plugged the holes, and released a few Koi in there because I find tropical fish relaxing. I just hope my neighbor remembers to feed them through the window.
