All the cool people in my apartment—and yes, I’m the only person in my apartment—have decided no longer to buckle to the pressure to match socks. Do you hear me, Hanes? NO MORE.
Wait, not Hanes. Actually I think these socks are Calvin Klein. Well, one of them at least. Does Hanes even make socks? God, I’m so socktarded!
Anyway, I now look homeless from the ankle down. It’s very chic.
Me: Do you think of me as someone with a chipped tooth? I mean, it’s very slight, but still…
Horny magic 8 ball: Concentrate and make out with me
Me: I beg your pardon!
Yelling at a television set
Painting my face
Counting the layers in any sort of bean dip type situation
Claiming there are seven layers despite a fellow bean dip lover’s insistence that there are eight
Talking about what I was doing at exactly this time last year
Taking a cross-section of said dip and counting the layers
Wearing a jersey
Getting frustrated regarding bean dip kerfuffle and shooting friend in the face
With easy cheese!
Tossin’ the pigskin
Slappin’ the salami
Chokin’ the chicken
Wait, this is the wrong kind of list
Rooting for “my” team
Understanding how the game works
Shotgunning beers
Riding shotgun… on the couch!
Officiating at any sort of shotgun wedding
Doing any sort of special touchdown dance
Taking odds
Performing at half time
Wearing my lucky underwear
Dear Anna,
Are we debasing ourselves by posting these vlogs? You know, but like, debasing in a bad way? I can’t believe I’m even asking this considering what a camera whore I am. It’s probably just hormones right? Right.
Alison
First Anna ate lunch and our boss said he was behind the scenes!
THEN even more happened!
THEN we bullied a model!
THEN Anna told a horrifying elevator story!
I missed you guys and felt like it had been too long since we’d talked. Vlogs forthcoming!
Me: Should I wear this shirt today?
Adolescent Magic 8 Ball: Reply hazy, I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!
Today Anna and I worked in an office at an undisclosed location on a top secret project. It may have been the Manhattan Project. Was that tangentially related to fashion? It was, right? Anyway, we filmed ourselves even though we both really needed to pee.
Also, today we teamed up and interviewed a guy at the same time. Dirty!
In New York there is a special kind of asshole who takes a cab when it rains and tonight that asshole is me. This blog post? Written from the back of a cab. But I’m not just a cab-in-the-rain taking asshole because as I write this my jeans are stuffed into my uggs (and the fact that I even am wearing uggs is a whole other topic) but anyway they are stuffed in there and kind of poofing over the top in a way that suggests I might beg for porridge and then break into song. Also, it’s as if each leg has its own wee muffin top.
You should know that I took the train to the place I had to be today, so I’m only half an asshole, and the walk there was miserable times a million. I nearly lost my hand from frost and then when I got to the place I tried to take my coat off but I had no feeling in my hand and I was too impatient for my body to remind itself that I’m alive so I accidentally pulled the coat open and ripped the button off, Superman style. Apparently without feeling in my fingers I possess Herculean strength. Then I flipped over a couple of cars and got to work.
Q: Will today be a good day?
A: Signs point to what is the point of it all?