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Author Archive | Alison Rosen

On the way home

from TV this morning I started thinking that maybe I should try to do stand up, since, well wait, I should back up. The other night after Red Eye, Jim, whose full name is “Jim in audio,” because that’s how he introduces himself into the earpiece before telling me I have to move my hair because it’s hitting the mic, asked me if I’d done stand up recently. I said no, and that he was confusing me with Julia Allison who I think did some kind of something or other recently. He said that he was pretty sure he wasn’t because she wouldn’t do stand up and I said I know, but I think she did, and then he asked if I was sure I didn’t and I said I was sure but I really should because it seems like something I would do, right?

Did you possibly follow that? I barely did. Anyway, on the walk home which was quite cold I might add, I started thinking of jokes for a stand-up routine and I think they were maybe funny but then I came home and took a nap and now that I’m remembering them, I don’t know if they’re really funny. Or maybe I’m already jaded. I mean, I appreciate humor, I just don’t think it’s funny. I mean, I get what I’m trying to do there, I can see the effort, but I’m not going to pretend with myself because that’s not what I look to myself for. I mean, don’t get me wrong, me, I think it’s amusing, I just don’t know if I’m going to laugh. I mean, it’s not that I’ve heard it before, because I certainly haven’t, but I’ve heard similar, or if not similar, well, funnier. Not that it’s always about humor, sometimes it’s about being funny. Which I am. Just not, well, in that way.

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Recent Red Eye shots

I sat in the seat that Ann Coulter was in moments before. I was going to make some kind of “oh, so this is where you stick all us skinny conservative women” joke but then didn’t find an opening that made sense. Instead I made a tasteful Michael Hutchence joke. It was necessary though. And quite topical.



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I'll be on Red Eye tonight

What’s delightfully last-minute-esque and smells an awful lot like awesome? It’s the fact that I’ll be on Red Eye tonight for the second half of the show. Cancel your 2am plans and make these ones instead. I’ll be following Ann Coulter. Because she refused to follow me. (It’s conceivable that I made that up).

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perhaps you had to be there

But I thought it was funny in a 50s movie way. This morning I was half awake in the makeup chair and the makeup guy was putting makeup on my chest which is something I always want them to do because I’m pale and if anything I feel like I usually have to nudge them in that direction because they usually tell me “you’re fine, it matches.” But he, on his own, took note of my startling ass-whiteness and began rectifying. “I need you to open like this” he said, pulling my jacket open. I did and he really got in there and then after he said, “Sorry if I was overly familiar with you. It’s early.” I said it was okay (which it was). Then he said, “I assure you it was lost on me.”

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