You are so totally excited.
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
A slew of photos
Here I am with the imaginary father of my imaginary children, Joshua McCarroll, Red Eye wunderkind and McConaughey correspondent. We’re in the green room, wearing green. Well, one of us was. By the way, McConaughey is kind of impossible to spell.
Here I am doing The Strategy Room earlier today. I totally came up with the best strategy. I’d tell you, but it’s a secret.
Here I am smiling, probably at something I said.
Here I am cocking my head because I heard a high pitched noise or smelled a piece of kibble.
This is me on Red Eye last night shortly before Greg called me out for not answering the specific question he asked. What you didn’t hear in the commercial break? Me saying “How dare you call me out for not answering the question! Not answering the question is the backbone of this show!”
And then here’s where I explained that I don’t think smart pills actually make you smart. I think they make you annoying.
And then here I am making this face.
Oh look, it’s the beach (I had to get these off my camera. They’re from my recent trip of OC for Thanksgiving).
Another beach shot.
Another beach shot. Lovely, isn’t it?
And then here’s a couch I saw today at Raymour & Flanigan. This one’s four hundred and something dollars cheaper than the one sitting in my apartment right now but which I could return. Should I return the one in my apartment and get this one instead? It’s entirely polyester/synthetic/foam whereas there are actual feathers/down in the one in my apartment. Hm. It seemed comfortable though.
Brooklyn does Christmas right
In all my years of living in Manhattan I don’t think I ever saw this much yuletide cheer. You might think I’m making fun of it, but I’m not. I kind of live for Christmas. And strings of lights.
I'll be on The Strategy Room tomorrow at 3pm
I’m doing The Strategy Room tomorrow at 3pm. It’s funny because I’m terrible at sports. (It’s a sports show, right?)
You can watch it here tomorrow at 3pm http://www.foxnews.com/strategyroom/
Just kidding, it’s not about sports. It’s about board games.
The Annual Alison
I was musing today about myself and books, but more about myself, and I was thinking that I should write a book called The Twelve Days of Alison but then I was thinking that isn’t enough, it should be the 365 Days of Alison or maybe The Daily Alison and then I was thinking, hey, don’t put all the cans in one bag and all the bottles in the other, bag person, because I can’t carry that and what the hell? Did I neglect to mention I had these thoughts at the store? To be fair, she wasn’t really doing this, I just thought she might because it seems people who pack your grocery bags can’t resist organizing into like items which I find really annoying and short-sighted because then you have one bag filled with toilet paper and kleenex and another filled with bowling balls and you try to walk forward but you just spin in place. I totally hate that.
So then I was thinking I should write a book of advice to people in vocations where I have no experience. For example: Grocery bag packers should not group by like items. Here’s another: Doctors should not tell you about how sick they feel so that as you’re walking out of the office you actually say “hope you feel better.” (that actually happened to me years ago.) Here’s another: bus drivers shouldn’t be prone to road rage. Here’s another: prostitutes shouldn’t wait till the third date. Here’s another: Lion tamers shouldn’t smell like elk meat.
You know, but funny
Wherein I say "And so tell us…" multiple times
I just found this fast-moving action sequence on YouTube. It’s from the auto show, specifically the design challenge at the auto show. The guy’s named is spelled Jacques but he pronounces it Jack. Sort of like how my name is spelled Alison but I pronounce it Yolanda. But lest you are new to all things me, please watch some of my more exciting videos before deciding that you love me. (That’s where this was all going anyway, right? Admit it: you love me. You love me in spite of this video. I knew it.)
I'm on Red Eye on Monday
What?! Monday night?!
I’m on Red Eye on Monday and I’m on the couch today. The gray couch. Or the brown couch. Apparently everyone else thinks it’s brown but it looks gray to me. I don’t know why this is but it frustrates me. I like to see things clearly. For example, I’d rather see a couch I like when I look at it.
But that wasn’t my point, not at all. My point was that I’ll be on Red Eye on Monday night/Tues morning and even though it’s written on the right side of this page where I have my upcoming appearances I wanted to make a special post about it because the date has jumped around a bit since I was traveling and pinning me down was hard to do. “Don’t pin me down!” I yelled as they began attacking me with bobby pins.
In other news, I’ve become quite a fan of the show M.A.S.H. and I’ve developed a crush on early Alan Alda.
When I was six I had a crush on Oliver-era Jack Wild.
I’m given to anachronistic crushes, the kind where when you see what the person looks like now you shudder.
But I’d never liked M.A.S.H. because I associated it with things which are hot and dusty and depressing but then I was watching some episodes to prepare for Switch (the topic was TV doctors) and lo and behold, I actually really like the show. Maybe I only like the early episodes though before it got all heavy handed and depressing and dusty and hot. You know?
National Kokomo Day
Synesthesia is where your senses blend and you can see music or smell colors or hear your broccoli. Well I propose there be something called Nauseasthesia to describe the condition where whatever song is cycling through your head when you’re sick makes you feel like you’re going to puke. Or am I the only one? Whenever I get sick the illness tends to feature one song prominently. I’m sure I’ve written before about the Great Flu of 93 Starring Rush’s Big Money? It may have been 92 or 91 actually but there was an unfortunate rhyme. Anyway, earlier today “Kokomo,” which has been in my head since we talked about it yesterday in Canada (it was national Kokomo Day) was threatening to make me vomit (Ok fine, it wasn’t national Kokomo Day. We were talking about classic TV families on Switch and Full House came up and we talked about that episode with the Beach Boys. Actually one of my co-panelists mentioned the Beach Boys and that Full House episode in the green room and then when we were shooting she didn’t mention it so I said something like “Weren’t you saying how awesome it was that the show featured the Beach Boys?” or maybe I said preposterous instead of awesome or maybe I just turned to her wearing a lei and making a mai-tai as a way to jog her memory. Anyway, the point is that I’m kind and saintly, obviously) And the lights in this room certainly weren’t doing my wonders for my Island loathing gag reflex. I had to get to a cool dark Kokomo-less place, preferably not on Key Largo or Montego.
So I repaired to my boudoir, which I’ve never called a boudoir before and I’ve certainly never “repaired” to, and took a nap. Before falling asleep I had a vivid dream-but-I-wasn’t-yet-asleep where an interior decorator came to my living room (yes, I’m still thinking about this) and advised me to put a “chair with a sofa bed” in one corner and “a tablespoon” in the other.
I'm packing again
I’m packing again to go back to New York in the morning. I finally felt well enough tonight to leave the hotel after shooting. You’re welcome, Toronto. About the show: It’s called Switch and it’ll be airing on TVTropolis in Canada. Hopefully it’ll also air in the US at some point after that. If not, I expect you all to take a trip to Canada to see the episodes I’m on.
Perhaps you recognize DJ from Roseanne next to me
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