Anna and I try to remember The Most Interesting Conversation Either Of Us Have Ever Had.
Also, what’s up with my voice? I sound like my sister to me in this one, which probably doesn’t mean anything to anyone here. Speaking of voices, Anna is losing her voice and so I told her we had to vlog last night to capture her ephemeral husky voice. I don’t know if she’s looked at the video yet. I’m totally blog baiting her right now. Vlog-baiting?
Remember how I was going to be on Red Eye tonight? Well shit happens, things change, people disappoint you. I mean, grow up, you babies. What, you think I can spoon feed you air dates forever? I have to go to France to find myself! Maybe I’ll grow my hair out and burn my bra and burn the turnips I’ve been making for supper every single night since the great turnip famine. Maybe I don’t even know HOW I like my turnips. Maybe I never stopped to think IF I like turnips. Maybe I’ll get my ears pierced and not just one hole in each ear but two! I’m telling you, I’m CRAYZEE like that and I might just do it. I would need to pass it by your father and my pastor first, but then I totally might get genuine diamanelle studs in each ear, twice. But what will the women at the auxiliary club think? They just know me as Helen. Trusty ol‘ Helen who makes turnips and fudge and doesn’t have extramarital affairs or pierced ears.
Who said anything about an extramarital affair? Is it getting hot in here? I have to go check on my turnips before Ned and the kids get home. Ned’s indigestion has been pretty bad lately and Lewis entered his solar system in the science fair and I do hope he got at least a ribbon. I stayed up half the night painting Uranus.
Oh, just out of plaster of Paris and acrylic tempura paints.
At the start of this email I was going to tell you how I was rescheduled for Monday but in the course of writing it I found out there was a bit of booking confusion and so I’m not on Monday but will be on next week. I feel the not Monday thing isn’t certain though. So we’ll see.
Please note the hot Rudolph action happening on my nose and also my cheeks a little bit. I still don’t know WHY it happens, but I can feel it happening. “My face is red, isn’t it…” I’ll say. And then the person I’m talking to will either say it isn’t and that I’m imagining it, or they’ll say ‘um, I guess kind of?’ or they’ll say ‘yes’ at which point I know I’m reaching angry tomato levels of ruddiness. Don’t be jealous!
Brighter photos to come.
Oh and last night Natali got recognized by someone which I didn’t think much of because she’s all over the place but then it turned out he’d specifically recognized her from Red Eye and upon hearing this—or rather upon Anna telling me this was what was going on—I tried my best to dangle my very memorable and arguably exquisite face in his sight line. I mean, I all but sat in his lap. But Anna Who Could See The Conversation And Make Out What He Was Saying told me that evidently he’d only seen one episode… featuring Natali.
It’s cool though because I recognized myself and made a big to-do until finally I had to have one of my handlers tell me to cool it because I was freaking out “the talent,” which is how I refer to myself to myself.
I mean, both, obviously!!
But I bring it up because it’s come up in the comments and it’s something Anna and I are figuring out as well. If I had my druthers—and sadly I can’t remember the last place I saw them, I mean, I know they didn’t just walk out of here on their own!!!!!!—we would both post the videos and then you would see them here and there and we’d also put them in your apartment and on your ceiling and in the back of a cab* and one day we would broadcast them straight to the insides of your eyelids. And then we’d GO VIRAL! I’m not even sure what that means but I think it means that fans would shed tiny bits of Anna and my embed code. I’m joking, I know what GO VIRAL means in this sense but I just don’t know how to do it. Must we insert a shrimp on a treadmill into our videos? Or a dancing hamster? An erudite gopher? Can you guys help us in our quest for being contagious on an epic scale? We’re very blood born. Also, we mutate. Also, don’t watch our videos if you have cuts in your mouth. Just kidding! You can totally watch our videos if you have cuts in your mouth! In fact, we insist on it!
So but just wanted to bring this conversation into the open since you’re having it in the comments and we’re having it in the hot tub where we like to hang out and do our thinking. Have at her!
So, just to round it all up. There is this site which you are well acquainted with. And there’s Anna’s blog which you also know. And then both of us have youtube pages.
youtube.com/alisonrosen
youtube.com/overannalyze
*not really because let’s face it: everyone shuts that shit off the second they slide into a cab.
Part 1 (by the way, I’m not sure I made it clear that the journal entry I refer to is from almost 10 years ago. Hence, retro awesomeness.)
Part 2:
And can we talk for a moment about how horrifically horrible the still shot for this video is? I look inbred. WHICH I’M NOT.
A couple things
1) It had been a really long day
2) Note the way I captured/framed my hair and a tiny little sliver of my face in an entirely new way.
3) TV makeup doing weird things on my skin. As I said to Anna hours before we filmed this “I’m going to leave it on until I’m convinced a layer of my skin is burning off.”
4) I mean, not that it burns your skin at all. Just that at a certain point I want it OFF.
5) And yet I’m pretty girly.
6) It’s very windy in NYC in case you’re wondering.
GO TO Anna’s blog to see the video, won’t you?
And while you’re there, how about leaving some comments? Anna loves comments! If she could make a blanket out of comments she would, except maybe not because her apartment is pretty hot. But you know.
This started out as a stealth solo vlog but then turned into a discussion of product placement, animals named Tobey and how I failed my pet rabbit.
So last night Anna and I tried to hook up her DVD player but we couldn’t figure it out because it’s challenging and exists in multiple dimensions such as “things we don’t know” and also “plugs and that plug into stuff.” It was very vexing! So we’re turning to you, hoping one of you can help Anna out. Can you? Watch below for scintillating footage of patch bays which is a term I know from watching my friend record music and which is probably not the correct term but aren’t you impressed I even know it and also invigorating discussions of the way I pronounce certain words. Also, not loving my makeup here. Or my face, for that matter.