Author Archive | Alison Rosen

1. Wondering about the wisdom of posting videos where I’m clearly not looking or sounding my best. To what degree am I letting it all hang out? Hm. Anyway, to anyone wondering: I am okay!

2. It’s windy as hell out there!

3. Do everyone’s hands stop working when they’re cold or is this just some special situation I’m encountering? A lady’s gotta text, you know, and I may as well have had paws instead of lady hands earlier.

4. Which would be fitting as I’m pretty sure this was happening.

5. A friend of mine has a habit of sending elliptical text messages and I think I’m supposed to then ask questions to get the details of the cryptic text. Usually they are embedded in other texts. I should add that I care about this person and like him and mean no disrespect by saying all this so when he reads this, sorry, but it must be said! Anyway, here is an example and this is fictionalized:

“Have to do some work today. In other news: I think I like romantic picnics.”

Now, as a friend and curious person I feel like I’m supposed to be like “did you go on a picnic? picnics? no way! with whom did you picnic? hm????” And then it’s like, look at me! All nosy with my picnic questions. And yet if I just don’t acknowledge the picnic statement then it’s like I’m purposefully not engaging. So I think I found a solution and I’m very tempted to send the following:

“I hear you about the work! Unrelated: I think I like buttsex.”

Alas, I didn’t really send this because I don’t have the 400 texts it would take to untangle it in me. But it would be funny if I had!

1. So the guy who works at the grocery store/deli I frequent has taken to greeting me with, “How are you feeling today?” I don’t know the correct response to this. Usually I kind of pause, confused, and say, “Fine?” and then glance at him with a sort of quizzical suspicious look as he’s walking away. Somehow I doubt this is the expected response. So maybe I should just go with it and say “better, thanks!” as if at some point I wasn’t feeling well and discussed this with him? I mean, that never happened, but I could imagine an alternate universe where it might have. Or maybe he think I’m suffering some kind of debilitating something or other? Something or other for which the prescription is bell peppers? Should I affect a cough next time, as if my imaginary condition has worsened? Or maybe I’ll just be upfront next time and tell him that I had some weird dreams and woke up feeling kind of aimless and so I went on a long walk to try to clear my head which worked except for moments of self-doubt which are probably being brought on by the fact that my birthday is coming up which always throws me into a semi-depression as I take stock of everything but that really it’s no big thing? And that I can’t say dating hasn’t been sort of bumpy of late and I guess that’s also to be expected but hey, I’m no spring chicken and what am I doing with my life and yet I don’t even feel like a real grownup some of the time? And that it dawned on me today that it’s easier not to make messes than to clean them up after you’ve made them and yet I think people prone to making messes and then relying on their ability to clean them up which is always possible but usually more damaging and takes longer than you would hope, are people who think that they need to LIVE more and need to experience more and so they keep making messes when really what they need to experience is self-control a little more and I’m talking about myself here. Maybe it’s a late bloomer kind of thing? And also I bought diet root beer but don’t really like it? Yeah, I’m going with that.

2. Also, as I was walking down the street I was running through my stand up act in my head and moving bits of it around and at one point I looked up and saw two kids looking at me in semi-horror and I realized that a gamut of expressions had been flashing across my face as I’d been mumbling to myself. Maybe crazy people are just running through their stand up acts? I think it should be considered.

3. Wendy has a fancy new blog. So does Natali. So does Anna.

4. So one of the nightmares was that I gave a large chunk of money to charity and in the dream I realized I couldn’t afford to give that much to charity and I was freaking out and was going to have to leave New York probably and my parents were telling me I’d have to just get the money back but I didn’t think I’d be able to. I woke up all panicked and then felt relieved to realize it was just a dream and I didn’t in fact help the less fortunate in any discernible way. Phew!

5. A fair amount of perverts and weirdos have decided to leave comments lately or just contact me directly, often on youtube. It’s AWESOME!

6. It’s not awesome.

7. Um… do I have anything else to say?

8. Oh yes, I need to buy a rug for my living room. What color should I get?

9. Last night I was in need of a chuckle and so I told myself some jokes and then took to the web. What web sites do you guys go to when you want to read something funny or be entertained? Other than this one, I mean.