Author Archive | Alison Rosen

Hint: it’s me! Look, there I am!

Also, I’m drinking diet rootbeer even though just a few days ago I said I didn’t like it but apparently now I do. In the words of Anna, when I explained to her that I can think I don’t like something and then all of a sudden change my mind, “Well now I feel like I can’t trust you!” Indeed!

Anyway, click on the above to enjoy my somewhat amusing face. Oh, and some words.

This was a gift from my landlords who are the best landlords ever and with whom I just spent a delightful Easter. What should I name him?

This is one of those blog posts where I write about what I’m going to write about. Like a to do list in a post! Here’s what you have to look forward to:

an explanation of why I have two of the world’s ugliest digital watches

a discussion of lame air instruments (maybe)

some pictures from Red Eye

a video of Anna and me after Red Eye

videos of Dustin and me

more me me me me me

a veritable me-palooza

a picture of me in the green room of Red Eye plus some screen grabs plus clips

um, there was something else

oh yes! I figured out what kind of dog I want! it’s a Bolognese. A dog covered in meat sauce!

sadly I seem to have settled on a dog which not only isn’t in shelters but isn’t really in America. I mean, it is, but it’s a rare breed and super expensive and I’m sure there’s a wait list and it’s not really realistic and so I won’t be getting this dog, I’ll just be blogging about it. Damn you, page 47 of the AKC dog book!

it wasn’t really page 47, I just made that up because I’m too lazy to go get the book and see what page this dog is on

have I discussed with you guys the way I keep moving the jokes around in my stand up set as if somehow I’m going to find the perfect formula? I’m truly fixing what isn’t broken and also driving myself nuts. And when I say fixing what isn’t broken that’s because obviously my stand up set is perfect as is and very funny. If you were to hear it you would probably die of laughter. You would asphyxiate on hilarity. You would choke on chuckles. You would gag on guffaws. You would triangulate on titters. If you were to recover you would probably point out that triangulate on titters makes no sense but you wouldn’t have a chance to recover because you’d be laughing too much.

Is there some kind of game going on? I hear game type cheers.

oh and Happy Easter!

I mentioned a cheap digital watch I use to time things in the last post. Here it is. Still accidentally set to wake me up at three am until the day I die.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

While rifling through my nightstand drawer just now I smelled something which suddenly reminded me of the way Woofie, my first dog, used to smell. It’s sort of disturbing that a Woofie odor wafted out of my nightstand but it made me happy nonetheless.

In other news I’m home from doing Red Eye and I’m good but kind of strangely banged up feeling due to aforementioned armpit trauma plus a headache plus I cut my head on a spoon (it’s a long story, one I talked about on Red Eye. Ok fine it’s a short ridiculous story) and also I ate some eggplant and apparently I’m allergic to eggplant or something else in the dish because the inside of my mouth sat up and said howdy if by that you mean got all inflamed. So yeah, I’ve been better. On the upside, I’ve taken the makeup off which is always a pain in the heinie. Heiney? Hiney?

Also I have this cheap digital watch here on my desk that I was using to time my stand up set and somehow in the course of figuring out how to use the stopwatch feature I’ve set the alarm and I can’t figure out how to turn it off. I’m thinking I might take a hammer to it. Or put it in the freezer. Or just yell at it.