Okay fine, by “it” I just mean the camera. We turned a camera on in the backseat of the car after Red Eye. What a cheap tease that was. Anyway, look! A video featuring Anna and me! Yay! Also, I was looking at Anna’s blog and do you guys want your own tags? Is that what I’m hearing? Is that the dealio? Is that the scuttlebutt? The news? The 411? The word on the street? The story? The guff? The, uh, er… I’m running out of terms… I feel like there are some funny ones I’m missing. Crap! Tags?
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
More photos!
More photos you guys! It’s truly a banner Saturday for you!
Here I am on Red Eye being all smiley.
Here I am being thoughtful.
Here I am making this face.
Yep, another face.
Here I am on Red Eye the week before looking like I was suffering some kind of allergy attack although I don’t think I was.
Did I already post this photo?
Photos!
I’m overdue in posting photos so here I go. What a wonderful Saturday surprise for you, right?
Here I am with Jeff Bakalar and Wilson Tang from CNET’s The 404.
Here’s Jeff during the show.
Here’s me before the show.
Here’s Jeff, Justin and Wilson the night before at The 404 Meetup.
Here’s me looking achingly beautiful in the car on the way home from Tuesday’s Red Eye appearance.
I’m happy about the way this camera captures the blue color of my skin. It’s a new embalming fluid I’m using. I think it’s really working!
Here I am in the green room of Red Eye. Fun fact: It’s also the green room used by Morning Show w/ Mike and Juliet and Hannity.
Here’s a public restroom key on a giant key chain. I think giant keychains are funny, especially if they happen to be toothbrushes or something related to the business which houses the bathroom. This wasn’t a giant wooden stick store though, it was a cafe. How uncreative! Anyway though when I walked out brandishing said key I mumbled to something in line about how I almost lost the key! No one thought it was funny. Or rather, no one else thought it was funny. (I had a hearty chuckle at my joke though.)
Here’s a tree in Brooklyn which I uploaded on twitpic with the caption “Coward!”
Here’s a pinball machine featuring the likeness of Courtney Friel I think. “Oh my God, I know her!” I exclaimed, pointing to the pinball machine and taking a photo.
“No way! I know her too!” I said, pointing to Ms. Pacman and taking a photo.
The 404 post-show diner chatter
I have lots of blog posts in me, kids. It’s why I’m walking around holding my lower back and panting. Any minute now I expect my blog water to break and then I’ll retire to my birthing hut where I’ll give birth to a litter of bloglings.
Anyway, today I was on The 404. Here’s their post about it and you can listen there too. And below is a post-show video.
UPDATE: The 404 is at 1:30 pm ET
Everyone go back to sleep! (but watch here at 1:30 ET www.watchbol.com)
See me on The 404 Friday morning
Go here at 11am ET http://www.watchbol.com/ and you can watch the live stream of the show.
Perhaps you’ll be surprised by what I look like? Except if you’re reading this here on this blog, you probably know what I look like. But tonight I went to The 404 meetup and met a guy who was like “Alison? THE Alison? Alison Rosen?” which of course I’m beyond used to, and then he told me I looked so different than how he imagined I looked while listening to me on the show because I look like “such a nice girl” but based on how “hysterical and raunchy” I sound, he expected me to be wearing a wife beater and smoking a cigarette. Guess he hasn’t seen me on the weekends.
I had an argument with an egg
Being freelance affords you plenty of time to be sure you’re going nuts. I devote a small portion of each day to said endeavor, but sometimes the realization creeps up on you unannounced, such as when you find yourself having an argument with an egg.
Asshole
See, what happened is I was making my famous meringues which I’ve written about before. To make these you must separate the egg whites from the yolks and I recently started using an egg separator which is amazing and I recommend you all head out and buy one or just steal one from your sister which is what I did.
Egg Separator
So I crack the egg—one handed because I’m fancy—into the egg separator and then jiggle it to let all the egg white drip into the bowl. Big blobs of egg white are clinging to the yolk though and just hanging there despite my incessant jiggling. At this point I actually say, with a lot of anger behind it: “Oh come on you viscous piece of shit!”
It was strange and came out of nowhere, though, I mean, the egg totally had it coming.
Yeah that’s right. You go back to your egg house and think about what you’ve done.Things to do on 4/20 if you don't smoke pot or celebrate Hitler's bday
1. Eat an appropriate amount of Doritos
2. Hang out with your Jewish friends
3. Not buy Visine
4. Remember what you were about to say
5. Not make surreptitious calls to Argentina
6. What’s hackysack?
7. Not clean up bongwater
8. Not cut into a delicious swasticake
9. Ok I give up, these are all just going to be “not” things now
10. Not speak in German
11. I mean really, you’d think I would be able to turn them around so they could be actions
12. Not goosestep
13. Not say “this soap smells funny and feels weird”
14. Not run out of corn nuts
15. I mean, this is hardly funny anymore. It’s just… predictable
16. Assemble without a lookout, not in a bunker
17. I hate myself
18. Not watch Discovery Channel
Mark your calendars! Stand up date
I’ll be performing at We’re Nice People: A Night of Doucheless Comedy on May 13 at the Parkside Lounge in NYC. I’ll be swilling vinegar and water and talking about my Hummer.