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Author Archive | Alison Rosen

The Daily Alison (Where Trevor doesn't answer and I lose my mind)

By on June 17, 2009 in The Daily Alison

Here’s today’s episode. There are a few spots where you might have trouble hearing what  I said because I put a bunch of marbles in my mouth before I turned on the camera. Allow me to just write those out:

“My friend Katie, who we call The Fish”

“I used to get fluid in my ears” (as opposed to getting food in my ears which is what it sounds like I said which is both compelling and disgusting.)

Oh, also I added a page to the right about Media Training & Public Speaking Coaching.

Also added an upcoming appearances page.

I’m kind of cold. Is it cold?

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Things I said goodbye to this morning

By on June 17, 2009 in Uncategorized

Well it’s finally happened. Despite the fact that I’m hugely successful and everything’s all aces and shit’s going gangbusters and my greatest problem is that my wallet is too small to accommodate all my money (it’s like a fat lettuce sandwich… especially since last night I replaced the cash inside with lettuce) I had to call up the cable company and downgrade because I decided that a fun thing to do would be to pinch pennies.

Seriously, don’t throw anything at me right now because I won’t be able to catch it because my hands are busy pinching pennies.

So goodbye Hallmark Channel which I used to MASH on. Goodbye BIO channel which I always meant to watch more especially since I’m on you the time. Goodbye DIY channel—perhaps the cruelest salutation of them all since I enjoyed many of your shows even if I sometimes liked the before bathroom better than the after. Goodbye G4, which I also never really watched but enjoyed having the option of watching. Goodbye Travel channel—I never watched you and I’m sorry about that. What can I say now to make it ok? You deserved better. Goodbye National Geographic Channel—wait, maybe this isn’t goodbye? I hope not because I like The Dog Whisperer however if this is goodbye, please think of me fondly and I promise to do the same. Goodbye MTV2, Fuse, Reelz and all the HD channels. Maybe I should have appreciated you more while I still had you? Still, you were a comforting presence and now you just stare at me blankly, flashing that number I can call to purchase you. I will not be beguiled! Nor will I be seduced. We had our time together and it was sweet but I have to move on.

God, when will the pain stop? It’s been a good hour or more yet I’m still stuck in that place, thinking about the past.

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The Daily Alison (Where Amy Schumer went to Bonnaroo)

By on June 16, 2009 in TV, Uncategorized

Go here to find out more about the hilarious Amy Schumer.

And pretty soon I’ll be posting videos here so go there and look around and get used to things and make yourself comfortable, won’t you? (note: it’s currently being tinkered with by the amazing Andrew Mager so it might look weird if you click now but DO IT ANYWAY I dare you.)

Also, if you’re the twittering kind please retweet because the more people who watch The Daily Alison, the happier everyone in the entire world will be. I’m sure of it!

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The Daily Alison (Where John DeVore stares at blank walls)

By on June 15, 2009 in John DeVore, The Daily Alison, will ferrell

You can read John’s Mind of Man column every Wednesday on TheFrisky.com.

But let’s talk about the crazy edits that you may have seen in the above video if you were watching it with your eyes. What a fucking nightmare hatchet job that was, right? In addition to firing my prop guy and makeup person and producer, I’m totally shitcanning my editor. Then I’m firing whoever’s in charge of censoring the foul language around here because they’re letting some doozies through. But what happened was I messed up the time count and then I had about twelve minutes of footage and so I had to shave off about a minute and a half (apparently I can upload a little over ten mins on youtube) and then all hell broke loose. I wasn’t just out of breath because a shark was chasing me. I was out of breath because I blew up all those inflatable things that were dangling off my body. I have half a mind to put the parts I cut out back in and just cut this into two clips but that will take forever and it’s onward and upward for me. No looking back. I only have eyes for tomorrow. And I’m lazy.

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A note about today's Daily Alison

By on June 13, 2009 in Uncategorized

I think it’s going to go up later in the day so you should probably sit home and repeatedly refresh this page. Go ahead, cancel all your plans, I’ll wait.

My guest is someone who has real voiceover experience though… so you should already be excited. Are you? I am. I’m easily excitable though. Some might even say jumpy.

Also, I’m closing in on purchasing a REAL trash can!

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Allow me to regale you with a story about flossing

By on June 12, 2009 in dogs, dogs that dance, will ferrell

It was time for my bi-annual flossing so I put on my flossing outfit (coconuts, sweatpants, a turban) and went to town and now there’s a metallic, bloody taste happening on the upper right side of my mouth and I don’t like it. Also, there is some pain. Nothing I can’t handle since my pain tolerance is nothing short of superhuman however, but still.

Ok, to be honest, I floss every day. I only put on my flossing outfit twice a year though, so I wasn’t completely telling an untruth.

The pain is not going away. Arguably it’s getting worse. Perhaps the way I was like “ow that hurts, I’m going to do it again, ow that still hurts, I’m going to do it again, yep, still painful, I’m going to do it again,” wasn’t very wise.

In other news I found out last night that Button, the dog I’ve been obsessed with has an adoption pending. I’m happy for Button but sad for me! And then I think: How could I really have become attached to a photo of a dog? And then I think: Wait, if I can become attached to a photo of a dog, maybe I should just get a photo of a dog instead of a dog? I’d put Button’s photo here so you could see how adorable this dog was however it’s no longer on Petfinder and I never copied the photos. It’s kind of tragic!

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The Daily Alison (Where Natali Del Conte bleeds into the lobster corn chowder)

By on June 12, 2009 in natali del conte, The Daily Alison

For more about Natali Del Conte go here.

P.S. I’ll try to get her lobster corn chowder recipe today and then I’ll post it and then it’ll be like my blog is not only silly and all about me but it’ll be silly and all about chowder and kind of servicey and maybe one day I’ll even have a tab you can click that says “chowder” or maybe “soup” so at the top it’ll be like “About” “Bio” “Reel” “Upcoming Appearances” “Video” “Soup”

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Things you would be surprised to know because I made them up

By on June 11, 2009 in comedy, lists

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s techno

You know the Ziploc commercial with the tiger who can’t smell the food? It took them months to complete the commercial because the tiger kept eating the sound guy!

Only assholes use three pronged forks

You can tell a lot about a person by which side they part their hair on

Parallel parking accounts for one-fifth of all parking

The “i” in iPhone stands for imaginary

A remake of Silver Spoons was in the works for years but ultimately didn’t happen because they couldn’t get Alphonso Ribiero to sign on

In a pinch, Bibb lettuce can be used as a bibb

Judy Blume is working on a sequel to Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret called Hey Margaret, What’s Up? She’s also considering calling it ‘Sup, Margaret?

Ice skating is twice as popular as roller skating but three times more deadly than just watching TV

Diet soda is responsible for twenty percent of all burps

Fear of clowns is called Bozophobia

Five-sixths of all people who respond to the question “Know what I mean?” in the affirmative actually have no idea what you mean

Jumping Jacks are named after a really jumpy guy named, you guessed it: Barry

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