Clean up last night was a breeze. I swept up the hair bits into a pile and then into a dustpan and then into an envelope. You probably think I’m lying. Well feast your eyes on this:
So yeah, there’s some of my hair in that envelope. Hair which Miles cut on the show last night. Someone made a joke that I’d be putting it on Ebay—I think it was Dustin—but then as I was about to throw it out he reminded me of the Ebaying and so perhaps I will. Should I?
Basically what I’m thinking is that it’s high time I pull some kind of publicity stunt. For the sake of the viewing public. I am providing a service here. I mean, really.
So I think I’ve been going about this all wrong, being all delightful and honest and unassuming and such.
It’s high time for me to asshole it up in a blatant attempt to grab publicity. But how?
Maybe I should be one half of a celebrity power couple. Granted I’m dead inside and my idea of romance is checking my email, but I think with the appropriate amount of motivational duckling face time (that’s where I stare at a photo of a duckling and psyche myself up to mix with other human beings) anything is possible.
Or maybe I need to get caught shoplifting… someone’s husband?
Or dognapping? I mean, I would like a puppy anyway and I’m poor so it kind of makes sense.
Or maybe I need to get in a public feud with someone?
I’m open to suggestion here.
a) you can shoplift my wife’s husband… I am sure she’s had enough of me by now.
b) if you can fashion your hair trimmings into a mustache or a merkin or BOTH! I’m buying!
c) I would feud with you, but nobody would care. Bitch.
I don’t know, I still think streaking is always the crowd pleaser. You don’t see to many celebs with that kind of determination.
Or, steal someones small child. Preferably a baby. Make sure you go unseen. From there, you stage an entire rescue shot. Where you pretend to be walking down the street, talking about whatever into a camera, then out of no where you spot a baby (or small child) in the road about to be hit by a car. You dash out in front of the car with no fear (as you hired the man to act like he’d hit the child) and save that poor kids life. You’d be a hero. Everyone would want to do an interview with the selfless celeb who puts herself aside to help others in need.
That, or crack. People love to see their beloved celebs fall to their worst, only to rise once again. Sure the fall will suck, but that rise… you can’t get that anywhere else…
a) you can shoplift my wife's husband… I am sure she's had enough of me by now.
b) if you can fashion your hair trimmings into a mustache or a merkin or BOTH! I'm buying!
c) I would feud with you, but nobody would care. Bitch.
I don't know, I still think streaking is always the crowd pleaser. You don't see to many celebs with that kind of determination.
Or, steal someones small child. Preferably a baby. Make sure you go unseen. From there, you stage an entire rescue shot. Where you pretend to be walking down the street, talking about whatever into a camera, then out of no where you spot a baby (or small child) in the road about to be hit by a car. You dash out in front of the car with no fear (as you hired the man to act like he'd hit the child) and save that poor kids life. You'd be a hero. Everyone would want to do an interview with the selfless celeb who puts herself aside to help others in need.
That, or crack. People love to see their beloved celebs fall to their worst, only to rise once again. Sure the fall will suck, but that rise… you can't get that anywhere else…
The publicity stunts I like the best are the mob dances or flash dances. This one is probably my favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwzN4633mpI
I can’t find the original post, but that one got millions of hits.
This one at the Univ of Quebec in Montreal has over 4.5 million hits. It was obviously planned pretty well, but they did it all in one take: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zcOFN_VBVo
And then there’s this one at Lisbon Airport: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWhQJRtoLxc
The only downside is you have to hire a group like Improv Everywhere to help you do it. http://improveverywhere.com
The publicity stunts I like the best are the mob dances or flash dances. This one is probably my favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwzN4633mpI
I can't find the original post, but that one got millions of hits.
This one at the Univ of Quebec in Montreal has over 4.5 million hits. It was obviously planned pretty well, but they did it all in one take: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zcOFN_VBVo
And then there's this one at Lisbon Airport: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWhQJRtoLxc
The only downside is you have to hire a group like Improv Everywhere to help you do it. http://improveverywhere.com
Since the Heenes and the Salahis took all the good stunts we are at disadvantage here. Unless you want to combine their stunts. We could create a tin foil weather balloon and put “Alison Rosen is your New Best Friend” on the side….Then launch it from your building roof during the next White House Social Event…..Dustin can frantically call 911 and state Alison was stuck inside and the balloon had slipped away from Boinkity. ..then with remote control gears Joe will fly it to the White House…..At this point, the Secret Service will shoot it down….I picture the balloon crashing down on the White House lawn.
As cameras are rolling and Special Agents run to the balloon, people will be screaming “Alison! Alison are you okay?” A box inside with an automatic door will then release dozens of baby ducklings (wearing Alison Rosen ribbons) that scatter towards the Presidential helicopter and garden.
Then Koryn could pretend to discover you sleeping in your closet and we can say it was all a mistake or accident. Think about how great the Ustream viewer numbers will be the next week.
Oh just go sell your hair! Wait, don’t sell your hair! Bad idea!
Since the Heenes and the Salahis took all the good stunts we are at disadvantage here. Unless you want to combine their stunts. We could create a tin foil weather balloon and put “Alison Rosen is your New Best Friend” on the side….Then launch it from your building roof during the next White House Social Event…..Dustin can frantically call 911 and state Alison was stuck inside and the balloon had slipped away from Boinkity. ..then with remote control gears Joe will fly it to the White House…..At this point, the Secret Service will shoot it down….I picture the balloon crashing down on the White House lawn.
As cameras are rolling and Special Agents run to the balloon, people will be screaming “Alison! Alison are you okay?” A box inside with an automatic door will then release dozens of baby ducklings (wearing Alison Rosen ribbons) that scatter towards the Presidential helicopter and garden.
Then Koryn could pretend to discover you sleeping in your closet and we can say it was all a mistake or accident. Think about how great the Ustream viewer numbers will be the next week.
Oh just go sell your hair! Wait, don't sell your hair! Bad idea!
Well… that is a realistic scenario… since everyone knows that I have slippery fingers!
Well… that is a realistic scenario… since everyone knows that I have slippery fingers!
“How about an abduction where the kidnapper is actually being kidnapped and his actions backfire ? Sorta like a Coen Brothers movie. A caper gone wrong..”
“How about an abduction where the kidnapper is actually being kidnapped and his actions backfire ? Sorta like a Coen Brothers movie. A caper gone wrong..”