Archive | July, 2009
Problems I've yet to solve
I don’t know if my IQ drops by about 20 points when I’m at my parent’s house in Orange County or if I’m just tired from all the lying around but I’ve been sitting in this chair staring straight ahead for a while now and I’ve yet to solve any of the world’s problems.
Problems I’ve yet to solve:
Why are ducklings so cute?
Why do I have a headache?
Why is everyone saying Entourage was so sucky? (I thought it was pretty good last night)
Why do I gain 45 pounds every time I come to CA?
How did I get to be so wonderful?
What’s up with that?
How’s it going?
Where do I come up with these things?
No really, where
Why did I first want to write that my IQ drops about 20 “degrees”?
Am I actually going to make the phone calls I need to make or just keep thinking that I need to make phone calls?
Should I wear a sombrero to the party I’m going to tonight because I’m not loving my hair right now?
Or should I paint a very small mural on my forehead to distract from the hair?
Should I get up from this chair?
If there was some kind of device that would push me out of this chair would it be a chair lift? But not the skiing kind of chair lift, just another chair lift? I could get behind that.
So you see, I’m getting a LOT of stuff accomplished over here.
In other news, I think I may have written two not-very-funny jokes last night. Although they’re obvious enough that I can’t believe I’m the first to think of them. Yet unfunny enough that I don’t think I’ve heard them before. Shall we?
Q: What did the drug dealer say to the junkie?
A: “You gotta get right back on the horse.”
Another one? Ok:
Q: Why was everyone mad at the junkie?
A: He kept talkin’ smack.
Get it? I don’t know why my jokes are heroin based, by the way. I didn’t even eat poppy seed muffins or anything!
I suppose I should take a shower since I have to be somewhere in many hours.
Ok then.
Also, I’m having that neither here nor there feeling I often get when I’m neither here nor there. Like, I could easily stay out here longer and that would be fun. And yet I know my life is in NYC and so I should go back. But it’s so easy here except for the way everyone’s always throwing avocados at you and trying to get you to have plastic surgery. “No more implants!” I yelled, as an avocado went whizzing past my new nose. It was scary and yet exhilarating. In New York they just throw metrocards at you. Also, before I came out here I was in a huge screaming rush and so I left my apartment in disarray. I’m not looking forward to going back to the way I left it although thankfully I filled the ground with a couple feet water, plugged the holes, and released a few Koi in there because I find tropical fish relaxing. I just hope my neighbor remembers to feed them through the window.
My recent radio interview
Here’s the recent radio interview I did on Fox Sports News. (1340 WBGN) I haven’t listened to it yet but my parents listened this morning and said it was funny.
The Daily Alison (Where I go to a park and then talk to my dad)
The Daily Alison (Where I answer your questions)
Some shots from Red Eye
Some photos from Wednesday’s Red Eye? Well, if you insist.
Here I am smiling even though my sweater is clearly fitting in a strange bunchy way. Also I’m smiling because with the delay I know that the camera is going to go to me before I’m aware it’s gone to me and so I figure it’s best if my default expression is a smile.
Or this look which yells, “Hi, I’m a good sport. Hit me with whatever you got!” but whispers, “There’s a delay and I can’t really tell what’s going on so I’m just going to make this face.”
And then here I went scuba diving and saw a star fish!
And then we went to the Grand Canyon and I got married.
The Daily Alison (Where my mom and I go to Balboa Island)
The Daily Alison (Where I play drums and give you a tour)
The Daily Alison (Where my dad talks about his nonexistent boat)
even MORE photos
Here’s my friend Yami and me on July 4.
Here’s Mike and me on July 4.
Here’s Mike pretending to be passed out on the sidewalk while Brian takes a photo of him. (This is an ongoing photo series.)
Here’s Bret playing a rusty trombone. (Get it?)
Here’s me wearing a hat and glasses because when I see hats and glasses I have to put them on.
Here’s me at the beach looking like I totally belong.
Here’s my friend Brian wearing a stylish sweater.
Here’s the Nagel poster that Mike hung on the outside of his recording studio.
And here’s the Nagel when Mike and Brian attempted to set it on fire with firecrackers. I tried to stay inside but they made me come out and take a photo. (This whole adventure is recounted in this episode of The Daily Alison.)