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Looking for something to effortlessly take me from day to night
I think I found it!
Lunchtime Interview #3: Andrew Mager; mayo agnostic, nap taker
Today we caught up with Andrew Mager who apparently actually works in between taking naps and playing ping pong in his new role as “gazetteer” at SimpleGeo.“Back in the day a gazetteer was a guy who worked with the mapmaker to figure out where the addresses would go on maps. I’m a finder of places,” he says, of the job title he admits he made up. “So you work in conjunction with a cartographer?” we responded, because we wanted to use the word cartographer. Then we realized we were using the second person for no good reason so I stopped. Also, Andrew Mager designed and coded this here web site you’re looking at.
Can you name this sandwich?
Tell me about this sandwich.
It was introduced to me by my lovely colleague Nicole. She cooks breakfast on Fridays. We have cheap breakfast croissants in the freezer but she went to the store and bought croissants, thick cut pepper bacon, Velveeta slices and the secret ingredient which is mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise is controversial.
It is and a lot of people saw her using it and said they no longer wanted the sandwich.
Do you agree with their decision?
Not really. I don’t really like mayonnaise either but Nicole said (more…)
See me on TV Guide Channel August 15th
I’ll be awkwardly molesting you through your TV screens on August 15th at 8pm on the TV Guide Channel’s History of Sex. Followed by the History of Awkwardly Avoiding Eye Contact and the History of Screening Your Calls. Throw a viewing party and invite me! I won’t make it, but at least I’ll feel popular.
Lunchtime interview #2: Kara Dennison; nugget lover, theft victim
Today we caught up with the lovely Kara Dennison, 29, who lives and works in Newport News, Virginia, as an editor for a news website. Kara tried to order a tuna melt for lunch today but accidentally received dick sandwich, hold the bun. She ended up going to Chick-fil-A. Read on for details!
Not a tuna melt
That isn’t a tuna melt.
Kara: It’s not. I ended up getting Chick-fil-A chicken nuggets and waffle fries and some Dr. Pepper.
I’ve never been to a Chick-fil-A but I hear it’s amazing.
It’s great. The only problem is it’s not open on Sundays and that’s always when you get the craving.
Why Sunday?
It’s just the way it works. Naturally you want it on the day it’s closed. (more…)
Lunchtime interview #1: Kristan, Subway hater; meat purist
I used to do a column where I’d interview co-workers about their lunch. It was possibly the most popular thing I ever did, which is weird. Still, I’ve decided to give the people what they want by bringing it back. The column needs a name though. Ideas? When I did it on the TONY blog I used to call it “Hey… You Gonna Eat That?” but I feel like a fresh name might be in order. Or maybe not. Anyway, here’s the first one. Read it with a side of ranch.
Today we’re chatting with the lovely Kristan Sydboten, 22, who’s a hairstylist in Hattiesburg, Mississippi and who, according to her Twitter bio, is “smarter than you think.” Apparently so because she gamed the system by sending in a photo of her friend’s lunch instead of her own! Shifty!
Not Kristan’s Lunch
Alison: So wait, you didn’t eat this Chinese food?
Kristan: No, I had Subway. Do you want me to pretend I ate her lunch? (more…)
A list because you love lists
So I’m back in New York after six intense weeks of Marvin care and I have so many things to say it’s making it hard for me to say anything. This is a hazard when you’re a blogger who is known for sharing the details of your life. Also when you’re known for being achingly beautiful. I’m telling you, spending nights in the hospital did my complexion no favors. And that delicious hospital cafeteria food went straight to my hips. I think I should make a list of things I need to tell you:
1) I trust you’re all coming to see me Thursday in News Distillery at the 92Y. Here’s a story about Faith Salie that mentions it if you want more info which you probably do because you’re so like that.
2) I’m really proud of the ARIYNBF shows I put on in CA and I’m glad I did that even though at times it was hard.
3) Perhaps you’re reading this and you’re new to me and you’re wondering what I’m talking about.
4) Soon I will be able to speak about it, I think, but for now I have to be all vague and elliptical but here’s what you can know: one of my family members whom I’ve named “Marvin” was just diagnosed with something no one wants and so I’ve been helping out.
5) Not crabs, though no one wants them.
6) Or Jordan almonds.
7) Before the Mad Men premiere I kept wanting to write a list of “Mad Men inspired drinking games by someone who doesn’t watch Mad Men and doesn’t understand drinking games.” That person isn’t me, of course, since I watch Mad Men and love to drink till I puke.
8) It would be a persona. A device. A trope, if you will.
9) You won’t.
10) By the way, I don’t actually love to drink till I puke. In fact I seldom drink these days which is all part of the way I don’t have fun and am letting life pass me by.
11) woe = me
12) I’m actually tired of the Goldenrod Footbridge. Can you believe it?
13) In the past going home to CA was taking a break however a few days before I returned to New York it was suggested to me that I should return if for no other reason than I clearly needed a break and needed to get strong again before coming back to CA. This idea that New York is now the place I go when I need a break is doing all sorts of funky things in my head.
14) Specifically it’s doing the electric slide.
15) “A Marvin being sick marks the true end of childhood,” said a therapist.
16) Or maybe she said, “A Marvin being sick truly marks the end of childhood.”
17) Well, you get the point.
17.5) Not MY therapist! What use would I have for therapy? My brain is perfection and my emotions are a thing of beauty and my thoughts conform to the Platonic ideal of thoughts and my feelings are so appropriate you only WISH you had my feelings.
18) It’s hot in New York. I kind of hate that.
19) True Blood is now my favorite distraction and I’m sad I’m all caught up.
20) Also? I’ve been cheating on Splenda with Truvia. Just a little though.
21) I miss Tobey.
22) Congrats to Natali Del Conte on the birth of her baby boy!
23) Thank you all for the encouraging words you’ve sent my way.
Awesomesauce! (Use Internet Slang to Sound Relevant)
Here’s my most recent McSweeney’s column. You should probably read it.
Yeah, but how can you eat just one?
Clue, my show, I sneezed, iTunes
Recently I played Clue with my mom and sister and while it’s unflattering to gloat, I won by a longshot. My sister claims she’d also figured it out and was about to guess the same winning trio if only she could get her playing piece into the correct room (which now escapes me. The Attic? The Mud Room? The Bonus Room? The Telescope Room? The Lanai?) however I’m pretty sure she’s lying. What makes me so sure? She’s a total liar and not to be trusted with any board games. The Great Monopoly Heist of 82? The Giant Boggle Debacle of 93? The Humongous Candy Land Rip Off of 2005? All my sister’s handiwork. Once she even stole all the ladders from Chutes & Ladders. Have you ever tried playing just Chutes? It’s a very fast game. But more than my sister and her sticky fingers is the fact that I’m pretty sure I’d be an asset to any small police department or other crime solving agency because the way I solved the murder in Clue the other night was genius and I’m pretty sure I should try my hand at forensics next.
In other news I am still in CA and I just sneezed. Not a tiny little dainty sneeze but a big “Oh no!” kind of sneeze where even though I sneezed a good five seconds ago I think if you were to look at me you would be able to tell I just sneezed. You would also be able to tell that I just woke up. I’m beautiful and I have allergies is what I’m trying to tell you.
Tomorrow’s show should be fun, but then I always say that. Here’s the FB page with info. Not only will my friend Yami (and maybe her baby!) be on the show but Dustin is in these parts and I’m trying to get him to be on the show too because then it’d be like we’ve gone on location. Like if Benson & Stabler were in California. There I go again with the crime solving.
Anything else? Well things are still kind of shitty in regards to the specific shitty situation which you may or may not know a tiny bit about and which I can only refer to in these oblique ways but completely unrelated and fairly fantastic: my shows are now on itunes!