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A cue card from a really old timey version of Jersey Shore

So yesterday I filled in as the newsgirl on Adam Carolla’s podcast. It was super fun even if we only got through about 1.5 of the 8 news stories I’d brought to discuss. You know what that means, right? It means I have all these opinions kicking around in my head. I’m going to just share them now, so they don’t spoil:

No! Hell no! Yes! I strongly disagree. Eh, I could go either way. That is FUCKED up. Creepy! I think it’s funny. WHAT?!?!?! Oh come on. You don’t really think that? Outrageous! Here here! FINALLY! Balls. Yeah, tell that to the judge. Oh for fuck’s sake. Bullshit. Hallelujah.

There are my opinions.

Actually, I could link to the stories but I have a busy day of reading comments ahead of me.

Another thing I could do? Share some of the interview with Adam and Dr. Drew from 12  years ago.

But these comments just aren’t going to read themselves.

And the boxes in the garage aren’t going to unpack themselves. STILL haven’t found the remote controls or power adapters.

The thing about moving to CA to help care for Marvin is that big stretches go by where I forget all about the situation. Now that we’re past the shock of the diagnosis, the crisis of the hospital, the steeling-yourself-for-news-of-what-it-all-means of the initial few months, things feel sort of normal at times. Marvin is doing well, there is a routine to the treatment and I’m free to walk around the house peering into rooms wondering where all my stuff is going to go once it arrives (it’s en route). It’s amazing how many boxes books take up when they’re emptied from a bookshelf. It’s also amazing how many books I have since I only recently learned to read. (Pop-up books are total space hogs!!!!)

So anyway, mostly I wander around like a dog whose house is being messed with or put on a table to be cleaned, completely unsettled with my lack of a home and new my identity as a person living in my parent’s house assuming my old identity. It’s like someone Command-Zd through the last ten years of my life. Also, where the hell am I going to put all my stuff?

And then I’ll catch a glimpse of something which snaps me right back into the present. This morning it was an image which I wish I could upload a photo of but instead I’ll just have to describe. It was a calendar, the same calendar I’ve seen a zillion times. Written in familiar handwriting down a neat clean row of Tuesdays was the word “chemo.” Same size, same pencil pressure, same placement in the box (upper left) as all the other appointments entered, some indicating other doctor visits, some reminders about bills paid or to be paid, some in other penmanship as this is a family calendar and a record of everyone’s somewhat mundane daily tasks. I suppose that’s the thing with this situation: when it’s under control, when it’s behaving as desired, it recedes into the background, flattened by the momentum of days passing, becoming just another thing to be dealt with, checked off, lived with.

So I moved from New York to California this weekend. Here are some photos capturing this delightful adventure. (Click on the thumbnail to read about each one. Click again to make the photo even bigger. Use the back button on your browser to get back to this page. God, do I have to tell you everything?)

I think it’s time to shake things up. My new go-to adjective is going to be “Oscar-nominated” and my catchphrase? “That’s so Raven.” Can’t wait to use my new Oscar-nominated catchphrase which is so Raven. You know?

When packing, it’s a good idea to stop and read old magazines as you come across them.

When packing, it’s a good idea to invent a moving quiz which will require frequent blog updates.

Unsure what to do with leftovers and scrap paper? Whip up a delicious egg white and old receipts frittata! (Garnish with paper clips and pennies)

When you find an emergency rain poncho, don’t just stand there, put it on!!!!!1

“Oooooh, lip gloss!!” is the kind of thought that will keep you motivated and on task

It gets messier before it gets cleaner

The above sentence is English

I’m sitting here waiting for the mover to come and give me an estimate and I should probably be doing something moving related, like throwing out stuff or packing but instead I’m going to sit here writing a blog post about Mad Men because I am very devil may care and also I’m totally over moving. I don’t enjoy it on any level. I think it’s for assholes.

I’d just like to point out that in episode 2 of season 4, Dr. Faye Miller said to Don, when he asked her to dinner (she declined) that he’d be married within a year. So really his engagement wasn’t so out of the blue since it was not only foreshadowed, but predicted.

That is all.

I have a lot of things I need to talk about but I can only talk about some of them and so I’m going to say up front that this blog post is going to be frustrating and self-indulgent and probably melodramatic. It’s also going to be lemon-scented and square-shaped. It will not have wings. (more…)

This will probably come as a giant surprise to you, but I wasn’t the coolest kid growing up. In fact, I was kind of a dork. I hope you didn’t just take a sip of anything and then spit it all over yourself when I dropped that bomb. I’ve been writing some stories about all of this, stories which are true, and I’ve decided to excerpt them. And by excerpt I mean copy-and-paste. Here’s is one. Please love it. Or don’t. I don’t really care because that’s how cool I am now. (Like Ronnie advised Sam in the Jersey Shore house, I’m just doing “me.”) (more…)