Last night while the rest of the world watched American Idol I showed what a true iconoclast I am by watching an episode of Gossip Girl I’d recorded earlier in the week. The world zigs, I zag. I’m just that rebellious. So here’s what I want to know: why wasn’t Serena wearing a graduation cap? Everyone else was but silly Serena had her tassle tied into her hair. I really don’t think that kind of thing would fly at Constance. If anyone can answer this question for me I promise I will, um, stop asking about it. Otherwise I might just have to ask and ask and ask and ask and it will get really annoying. Unless I just forget about it entirely which is also possible.
Perhaps you'll be able to love me on a daily basis
Attention folks: I think I might try to do a vlog every day for a little while to see what happens. If I were smart I’d just do a vlog every day and not announce it ahead of time since there’s a very real chance that I will get abducted by a roving pack of feral goldendoodles and won’t ever get around to this daily vlog thing since I’ll be living by my wits and won’t have a pot to piss in or two pennies to rub together and I’ll have to use my cunning and my resemblance to a goldendoodle to get by. I hardly look like a goldendoodle either, which I don’t mean in a way like: hey, look at me, I’m too beautiful to be half poodle, I just mean my hair is neither golden nor doodley.
So yeah, it’s potentially going to get a lot more me-filled around these parts. Just thought you should know and celebrate accordingly.
Hey look! A Q&A vlog! (Wherein I spin around and drop names.)
I think the sound might not be synced up correctly. Are you noticing that as well? Hm.
Oh and one more thing: where is everyone? where are all my commenters? are you guys having trouble leaving comments or is it just kind of slow right now? If there are problems with the commenting system let me know by semaphore or morse code. Or email me: alisonmrosen [at] gmail [dot] com.
Best Week Ever Tweet Up
Last night I went to the Best Week Ever tweet up and before you even shake your head, it was fun and it was about Twitter and Best Week Ever so just shut it, okay? I took some photos and uploaded to twitpic but I wanted to post them here, too. Above is a photo of the drinks they were serving.
And then here’s me wearing a name tag because everyone was wearing name tags and I’m a follower.
OMG! A follower! I just made a twitter joke and I didn’t even mean to! Kind of hate myself right now!
And then here’s Pat Kiernan of NY1 around whom I kind of fawned because he’s a NY institution.
And then after the tweet up we went to Crocodile Lounge where I got in touch with my skeeball roots. I’ve kind of lost my skeeball skills I’m sad to say but I think I could get them back if I worked at it.
And now I have to go wash this TV makeup off my face because I’m getting that uncomfortable TV Makeup Is Eating My Face feeling. I’m sure I have more to tell you but why rush into everything right now, you know?
Alison wants to adopt a dog; Dustin can't tell the difference between women and antelope
Look you guys: a video! This is from a few weeks ago. Dustin and I went to a comedy show and then got dinner and then felt like we should be vlogging since it was Sunday (God’s vlog day) and so we turned on the camera. And then I just left this footage on my camera while I went on my merry way, being merry and patting gnomes on the head and sewing dresses out of curtains while little birds helped by holding up the excess of fabric and cutting the thread with their beaks. Perhaps you are wondering why there’s so much laughter at the beginning? That’s because Dustin was going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about something Important To Him and then I responded by talking about puppies which he took to mean I hadn’t been listening but au contraire, Dustin! Ye of little faith! And if you enjoy this, hang on to you your hat because there’s another one coming wherein I almost sneeze. Truly! Look for that in the next couple days (I’m being realistic about my un-awesomeness.)
Make way for falling ducklings
A friend told me that my readers need to know about this and he couldn’t be more right. Now WHERE THE HELL is that duckling photo I used to put in every post?
Behold this giant photo
With Natali Del Conte at Anna David‘s book party. I could tell you more, and oh, I shall, but it’s been a long night made longer by the way I waited for the subway for fucking ever because I’m on a sad little budget and then realized that lo and behold it wasn’t ever going to come. Not ever. At least not between the hours of late and later this month because of late night track work and also it smelled like the worst kind of rotten cheesy feet down there and everyone had their noses buried in their shirts and it was one of those nights where you pinch yourself because you’re living the dream if the dream is to be struggling in New York waiting for a train that’s never coming while sniffing cheese feet. But before all that it was fun.
What kind of fun? Well Seth Herzog made a joke about putting boots on an octopus, hence ‘pus in boots which is still cracking me up. And Doug Benson was there and then left and then came back, that’s how much fun it was. And I ran into Amelie Gillette with whom I worked on a TV show in Canada and we reminisced about Canada which is never not fun even if mostly what I remember is that it was all early in the morning and dreamlike. But fun! And I drank some coffee late at night. “She’s trying to wake up,” Doug explained. “Yeah, so I can go to sleep,” I further explained, confusing myself. It totally worked though because now I’m tired and awake!
On that note I’m going to go sit in the corner and rock back and forth while yelling at my shoulder. I might tug at my shirtsleeves too. Then I’ll nervously pick at my face while crying.
Also, wow! Could this photo be any larger? I don’t think so.
Also, I promise I’ll be funny again soon. Any day now.
Don't look up
Okay so I’m at a cafe with my laptop being one of those people who sits at cafes with their laptop getting stuff done. Based on a scientific survey of myself, I can tell you a little about what those people who sit at cafes on their laptops actually get done:
Not much.
I plan to rectify this soon by going parachuting with my laptop. I figure the sensation of the wind whipping through my hair and probably giving me some kind of air wedgie will break this seal of inactivity.
Crap, I just remembered another thing I haven’t done which I need to do: buy a parachuting outfit. What, you think I can parachute in this ballgown? Never again. This is strictly a sitting and looking pretty crinoline.
Did you miss me?
Did you? Because I sure missed you. I missed you so much that I added the paypal donate button to its own page. I realize that logic is tenuous and you might not realize how my offering you a chance to donate money to me is a sign of how much I miss you but you see, I work in mysterious ways. Just go with it. In exchange for your donations I promise to keep being funny and delightful. Perhaps I could sweeten the deal by promising never to sing? Never to make you eat meringues? Never to cheat on you with other readers? I’m joking however I’m going to start offering media training, speech writing and public speaking coaching services so if you know anyone who needs help getting ready for an engagement, send them my way!
In other news I’m very sleepy and I need to write my McSweeney’s column and last night I ate some shrimp that had heads on them. I removed the heads before eating them but still. Actually, I have more to tell you about the shrimp heads and dinner and a realization I had on the way home which involves retainers but I think I’ll save that for the candlelit dinner I plan to have with all of you tomorrow morning.
I love you.
Do you think that’s a good breezy sign off? I think so too. Or should I go with something more casual like:
Don’t leave me!
It’s cheerful, right? Ends on an up note?
Read more about my back end
Ha. Haha. Ha. Get it? My back end? Do you get it? Would you get it more if I said:
Heh. Hehe.
Anyway, this isn’t actually about my tuchus or my heinie or my derriere or my caboose. It’s just about the blog. I love it because the photo of the blog makes it look like I write a gardening/cooking blog as opposed to one about butts.