Get it? Because there’s no audio? Get it? Ok nevermind.
The Daily Alison (Wherein Diana Falzone compares herself to Howie Mandel)
More info about Diana? Go here.
The Daily Alison (Day 16; The TARGTKYGTKM Quiz)
The Daily Alison (Day 15; Wherein I do stuff and then talk to Paula)
So I had to edit out a few seconds from the beginning and end of this and then I had to cut out 8 seconds where the phone is ringing. I hope the slick production isn’t distracting. I also hope YouTube chokes on a sock for making me edit to fit their time parameters. Yeah that’s right. A sock. Chokes on a sock. I said it and I’ll say it again.
Anywhoozies, today I talked to Paula the former frontwoman of the band I played in and the current frontwoman of The Heels. Check them out here.
In other news, Hannity called today to see if I wanted to come on the panel. I was half expecting them to ask if I could come on tonight since I get a fair amount of last minute calls to do live TV but instead they want to know if I can come on in August. I’m sorry, that’s when I summer in a coconut, I explained. It’s a large coconut that sleeps 12 though the most we’ve ever had in there at one time was 8. Also, I’ve never had this much advance notice for anything. I’m probs going to have to get my shoes dyed to match for the occasion!
This is why I'm angry at my eye
Crossing one eye used to be one of the things I did for fun. Other things in my fun repertoire? Raising one eyebrow, blowing spit bubbles off the end of my tongue, wiggling my ears, squishing my nose to demonstrate how squishy it is, making myself burp and for a very short time I juggled. Also there was the whole thing with the fancy card shuffling. Now in telling you all this I’m not trying to brag, though I imagine a certain amount of respect is flowing from you to me right now, I’m just stating the facts. The facts are that I’m fairly amazing. Or at least I was. You see, these days when I try to cross one eye I’m noticing something alarming.
My eye is lazy in terms of not being lazy. It’s like I have a lazy eye, that’s how normal it is. You know? Instead of very clearly heading one way while the other one looks straight, I just have a vaguely crazed look going on. I’m kind of beside myself.
Here I am at Paltalk yet again not effectively crossing one eye. Hope springs eternal I guess.
Still, it was depressing enough that I grew pensive….
And felt the need to hide under multiple hats…
And then I took some calls.
Posts in a blanket
Hello my little cocktail weenies. How goes it? Wait, I’m not sure I want to address you as cocktail weenies. Hello my little water crackers? Clearly I’m working in the realm of hors d’oevres right now. And while we’re talking about that I got into a little debate with one Doug Benson last week because I insisted that pigs in a blanket are cocktail weenies in puff pastry and he claimed they’re sausages in pancakes and then said it was a regional thing however I’m from the same region he is so don’t be pulling any Best Foods/ Hellman’s shit on me, you know? I mean just don’t. Just take that shit you are about to pull and just stop pulling. I insist. Anyway it was kind of a backburner sort of debate until I pushed it into a big thing because that’s what I do for fun and I recall various other people being drawn into the debate in the bowels of Caroline’s which looks like the bowels of any other big club I’ll have you know. Specifically it looks like the bowels of the House of Blues in Anaheim, CA where my band played a few times. Oh, did I mention I was in a band and that I know famous people? Allow me to get that out of the way a bunch of times.
Anyway, it was decided that pigs in a blanket are sausages in pancakes in the morning on breakfast menus and cocktail weenies in puff pastry later in the day. Should you be holding an actual pig and you put it in a blanket then not only are you thoughtful (i.e. you don’t want the pig to get cold!) but that sounds adorable and I’d like to see it. If it’s a piglet, so much the better.
So where was I before dropping names and celebrating myself? Oh yes. I was saying hi.
Wait, back to the adorable piglet in a blanket. How cute would that be? I mean, that would be very Charlotte’s Web cute.
But just wanted to say hi because I feel like I’ve been doing vlogs so much that I haven’t really posted text wise. So here I am. Things are good. I’m tired. Um…
Wow, this is awkward. I mean, I figured it might be a little stilted but not this and you just sitting there doing that thing you do is not helping matters. Oh don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean. That thing. No, not that one, the other one. Yeah, that’s the one. There you go again. I could just choke right now I could.
Oh and also! I’ll be on Paltalk tomorrow at 11am ET with Diana Falzone. Show up in the chatroom, won’t you? Here’s a link. http://blog.paltalk.com/paltalkshows/advice/the-diana-falzone-show/
The Daily Alison (Day 14; Wherein my vacuum smells and Bill Clevlen arbitrarily starts pronouncing his last name differently than last time)
I mean seriously, isn’t that totally rude of him to change the way he pronounces his last name? Get more info on Bill Clevlen here: billradio.com.
The Daily Alison (Wherein I play tag and then interview Anthony Pignataro)
Anthony Pignataro and I used to work at the OC Weekly. He always wore shorts, hence the invention of his alter ego, Tony LongPants, who wears pants. I think this amused the rest of us more than it amused Anthony, as you’ll see when I bring it up. Anthony lived in Maui for many years after Orange County and worked as the editor-in-chief of the Maui Time Weekly. He’s written a book called Remember The Technicolor Dreamboat: And Other Tales of Maui’s Misfits featuring some of those stories which you can buy here.
Related reading?
I briefly mentioned graffiti. This is the story I was referring to.
And the headache dance is referred to here.
And here’s Anthony’s account of the Rick Dees run-in.
I'm a vegetable narc. Also, here are some photos.
So I’m overdue in posting some photos. The above is a green room shot from Geraldo. It’s actually a makeup room in the green room shot. Note the wee Josh Groban behind me.
Oh and here’s the world’s ugliest red-or-is-it-green pepper. Do you see it? If I knew how to put arrows into photos I’d do that but let’s see here. If you aren’t seeing it, it’s directly to the left of the cabbage heads in the middle row. I don’t think this photo quite captures its horrifying freak of nature quality. It looked like it had a green tongue sticking out of it. And then when I went to snap a photo I’m pretty sure one of the grocery store guys took off to alert the boss in the back that there was some kind of vegetable narc on the premises. That’s fine. I’m kind of a vigilante vegetable narc. I make a citizen’s arrest of this pepper. Do not stare directly at this pepper.
And this is why late nights are confusing lately. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m too fired up about the pepper to really think about whether this is the sign that captures the confusion or not however basically it’s very easy to misread these signs (there are a few different ones) and end up standing on a platform for a train that’s never coming which isn’t a metaphor but when it happens to you it’s impossible not to feel like it’s a sign of how you’re living your life, instead of a sign about how you misread or don’t read signs, which is also a sign.
Oh hey and this is X’s manager Mike Rouse, Billy Zoom of X and me in the green room at Red Eye. Here’s an article about how I know Billy.
And then here’s Billy and me.
And here’s Doug Benson and me. We were totally baked in this photo except for me. Thanks to his being in town I saw two plays and a comedy show last week. Left to my own devices I might have just taken photos of atrocious vegetables.
Oh and kind of related by not entirely but kind of: I’m trying to get the word out about The Daily Alison so if you enjoy it please tell your friends and if you don’t enjoy it, please try to enjoy it. No, try harder!
I love being loved
Check it out!
http://largemorningshow.blogspot.com/2009/06/alison-rosen.html