Today was a weird day
It just was. I filmed a pilot for a show about people obsessed with movies which is cool, except I’m obsessed with TV and so I kept making TV references when talking about movie actors. Some of my best, and by that I mean some of my worst were reminding everyone that George Clooney played George the handyman on Facts of Life and that Jason Bateman got his start on It’s Your Move. The mindf*ck of the whole thing was that they told me there would be hair and makeup but there was just makeup so I went into the bathroom and attempted to do my hair myself using techniques I’ve seen them use and I managed to come out with it looking exactly the same if it’s possible to both look exactly the same and yet somehow a little worse.
Then tonight I did Red Eye which is always fun except I feel like I may have wasted a lot of time leading up to a joke that sure sounded funnier in my head than out loud. And for the record, I don’t really have body parts in petrie dishes that I keep in my apartment and even if I did, they wouldn’t be the first thing I’d grab in a fire. At the end I did a little skit thing though, so that was fun. Or maybe it was more a “bit”? Now I have to go to sleep so I can wake up in a few hours.
Today's TONYblog 1 Thing
you guys read me on the TONYblog, right? I post every day.
From left to right: Zach Galifianakis, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford, Patton Oswalt, Granola Parfait
The Comedians of Comedy tour is going to be trundling into Irving Plaza on Saturday, and I’d recommend you put down the—what is that you’re holding? A copy of Mad Magazine?–and go check it out. An array of comedians will be dancing for the Man (that’s bitter Gen X speak for "telling jokes and being funny") and you’d be silly to miss it. Names? Okay! Here they come: Patton Oswalt, Zach Galifianakis Whose Name I Butchered in This Vlog, Maria Bamford and more! Go for the lightbulbs, stay for the chickens crossing the road. Then come back early for the dead babies and keep your fingers crossed for a Helen Keller or two. Come to think of it, if those are the kinds of jokes you’re looking for, you’d be better off reading a tome that was as near and dear to my pubescent heart as Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret?, and that was Truly Tasteless Jokes.
Red Eye tomorrow!
Tomorrow I’ll be on Red Eye with Crispin Glover and Frangela! It’s like the creepy weirdo version of the less creepy weirdo 11pm Saturday show! As a side note: I had a friend in college who looked just like Crispin Glover and he used to do the “get your damn hands off her” speech to entertain me and I’d make him do it over and over and I’d squeal with delight and usually clap my hands because I’m like a child when someone does something that entertains me and lets me make them do it over and over. Somehow I bet the real Crispin Glover would be less accommodating. Hm.
What the cluck
Not asking for it
I have a PETA calendar hanging in my kitchen which, to be honest, has less to do with my feelings about PETA than my needing a free calendar. On each day it lists an animal rights landmark, like 50 muskrats liberated or taunting geckos outlawed. On October 18, “a chicken-roping contest was canceled, 2004.” But I keep thinking it says “chicken-raping.” Each time I see it, even though I’ve now seen it a number of times, I misread it. For nearly one month I’ve been having the exact same series of thoughts upon seeing this calendar: “Chicken-raping contest canceled. Wow, chicken-raping? A contest? There really are some sick people in this world. it’s a good thing PETA got that canceled. I can get behind that… oh wait, chicken-roping!”
Showing off my acting chops
Get this, people: my vision is 20/20 and I wasn’t really talking to Rupert! I was pretending!
Body Language segment 10/16/07
I just put up a post on the TONYblog
It’s a You Gonna Eat That… You’re so all about reading it right now!
clips of me on Red Eye 10-11-07
The technical term is musophobia
Caters to the modern mouse.
If you’re looking for a delightful place to go with ample seating, delicious food and mice scurrying around the patio, I recommend The Maritime Hotel. I was just there and while those in my party were of a more “Hey, it’s New York, they’re everywhere” kind of mindset, I’m of a more “holy crap, there’s mice here they’re going to crawl up my leg and then attack me even though that doesn’t make sense in any way, hence the term ‘phobia'” mindset. Incidentally, one of the guys in my party recently moved here from Chicago, so what does he really know when it comes to this city and our rodents? He knows about wind and pizza. And the White Sox. (Just kidding, Chicago! I’m sure you’re a lovely city!)