Navigation

Subscribe to my Substack!!!!
Check It Out!

It's like

By on February 6, 2008 in career advice

I don’t even know what color my parachute is anymore!

But anyway I’ve been peering around all three walls of my new cubicle (or, if you’re pressed for time you can refer to it as my newbicle) and thinking that it’s totally bare. I even have lots of drawers which are also bare except in one I have a tape recorder, in case I need to blackmail people, and in another I have a matching tank top and sweater set, in case I need to go to a debutante function. Okay fine, the tape recorder is for interviews and the change of clothes is in case I get called for a sudden TV thing and I’m wearing a hoodie or something. So but the newbicle is very free of personal detail, save for the coffee smell I accidentally imparted to the papers sitting on the desk when I spilled some vanilla flavored coffee yesterday. The whole thing got me thinking about things I won’t be decorating the area with, hence:

Things I Won’t Be Decorating My Cubicle With:

1. Guns or any sort of gun rack
2. Gum or any sort of gum rack
3. A clock which counts down the hours until the next Burning Man
4. A Grandfather clock
5. My Grandfather (R.I.P.)
6. Sports team pennants
7. The box I think outside of
8. Okay so it’s a tampon box
9. Kettle drums

Continue Reading

You guys are awesome

By on February 5, 2008 in Uncategorized

You are! Okay, here is what I’m looking for now: quotes with the word Dave in them spoken by TV show characters, like if it’s a clip from Baywatch or Law and Order or anything cheesy or recognizable. The intention, ultimately, would be to use the snippets of dialogue and take them out of context to make them seem funny. So, send anything if it occurs to you. Thank you everyone!

Continue Reading

Blog readers, I need your help!

By on February 4, 2008 in Uncategorized

I’m like a baby bird, so please regurgitate into my mouth any lines of dialogue from TV shows or news programs or commercials or anything you can think of involving the word “Dave” or “David.” For example:

“The tests came back positive, Dave, you have…” OR

“DAVE, LOOK OUT!” OR

“Hola, donde esta Dave?”

etcetera. Please also include where the line came from. I will be forever indebted to you and by the way, I don’t actually have a list of favorite commenters. YOU ARE ALL MY FAVORITE.

Continue Reading

Fred will be so jealous

By on February 4, 2008 in career advice, Fred, more about me, Red Eye, TV

Because I agreed to do Red Eye on Valentine’s Day. I plan to wear red. Or just a diaper while holding love’s bow and arrow. Take the high road on that one please.

Also, speaking of Fred, despite my plans to stay home hanging with my houseplant while working on new moves to fold in (seamlessly, of course) to my competitive ice dancing routine, I just put in a full day at Page Six Magazine, where I’m acting as senior editor for a bit. I worry the ice dancing will suffer, is the thing.

Also, I felt that moment where I realized the lobby, which has always been about Red Eye for me, is about to become about Page Six for me. Does that make sense? And then some day I’ll go to do Red Eye and it’ll be like going to do a show in the building where I work or once worked, as opposed to now, where I’m still flummoxed by the elevators. “I’m going to one, are you going to one?” a man asked me today, by the elevator bank. I just stared at him, dumbfounded, as if he were speaking a foreign language which I once knew. Then I began drooling. The thing is that I’ve always prided myself on my ability to discern up from down—left and right not so much—and so if I lose that one I will be directionally challenged in 360 degrees, which is really going to suck. Some other sense will just have to overcompensate. Hopefully a useful one, like my sense of humor. Or my sense of which peppers are spicy. Or my sense of which movies are going to suck, except I really made a judgment error when I dragged my mom and sister to see Out to Sea.

Continue Reading

Appliance interruptus

By on February 3, 2008 in I love myself, things which aren’t that fun, Time Out New York

I woke up this morning sleep-blogging, or rather sleep-storming, or rather thinking about fodder for a potential blog post which struck me as brilliant in my not-awake state. It would have looked like this:

Very Specific Reassurances

1. They can’t vacuum forever.

2. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (this is where I fell back asleep again)

Sadly I can’t see the appeal of this list beyond people whose upstairs neighbors vacuum for what seems like forever early in the morning.

In other news, I added to the list of articles I wrote recently and list of articles I wrote long ago (on the right side of this blog). It really breaks down to stuff I wrote for Time Out New York and stuff I wrote for the OC Weekly, so maybe some day I’ll change the way it’s labeled. The TONY stuff shows more restraint, but overall the OC Weekly stuff is probably more fun to read—arguably more creative—and I don’t quite know why that is. That’s not true actually, I do know why it is, but I’m still unsettled by it.

Continue Reading

So you wanna quit your job?

By on February 2, 2008 in career advice

You should try to do it near the beginning of the month because you’ll get extended health insurance coverage and possibly more vacation day pay. Does everyone else know this? I found out on my last day: 1/31. Dismayed, I walked out of the building, fell twelve floors down an elevator shaft and then rolled into oncoming traffic. Now I’m dead.

You might not be so lucky though, and you could be facing astronomical medical bills and you won’t be able to turn to your trusty HMO for substandard medical care.

Continue Reading

Oh mediabistro!

By on February 1, 2008 in hey look it’s me TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO

They ran this flawed blurb about my career change:

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen has been named associate features editor at Time Out New York. She had been music writer there. (mb)

Which is awesome, but it happened TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO! Other outdated causes for celebration?

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen moved to New York. She had been living in Calfornia (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got her braces off. She had been wearing them for four years (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got into Pomona, early decision! She had been hoping this would happen so she could stop doing any work for the remainder of her senior year(mb)

January 30, 2008: but back to the braces thing, a lot of people only had to wear them for like two years, and she had to wear them for four which pissed her off, specifically because she didn’t think she should still be in braces when she got her driver’s license, you know? (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got her driver’s license! (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got braces!

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen learned how to raise one eyebrow. she’s been working on it in front of the bathroom mirror for what seemed like many headache-inducing hours. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen will be playing the role of Mrs. Harper in the 8th grade musical. For this, she will be wearing a funny hat.

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen is trying out for the role of Becky, the lead in the 8th grade musical. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen has been born. She had been a fetus. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen is a fetus. She had been a zygote. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Shhhhhhh…. be very very quiet. Alison Rosen is gestating.

Continue Reading

Site: Todd Jackson | Art Direction: Josh Holtsclaw | Original Logo: Kezilla | Show Music: Tom Rapp