I’m going to be contributing to three shows on the Soap Opera Network. Soap Opera Channel? I forget, but given Tobey’s affinity for All My Children, you can imagine how exciting this is! Also, I’m manning one half of the debate column in Page Six Magazine this Sunday so be sure to pick it up if you’re in the city or nearby environs. I’ll be squaring off with (squaring off against? how exactly does one “square”?) another notorious commentator—whose last name is my first name—and there will be little tiny pictures of both of us. Tiny pictures!

Finally, four people have looked at me like I’m insane tonight because of my insistence that it’s common knowledge, at least on television, that if you receive a suspicious package you put it in the shower. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Yes, okay yes, fine, my understanding of this is largely informed by the episode of Facts of Life where Tootie is obsessed with Jermaine Jackson but I’m pretty sure this can’t be the only place I’ve encountered it. Thoughts?