I was watching the puppies here and all of them were nursing except there was one in the corner and I thought “Oh cute, he’s doing his own thing in the corner,” and then I realized doing his own thing meant going to the bathroom which was less cute and yet still kind of cute in a puppies will be puppies and go to the bathroom near where their mom and siblings are eating and then the mom quickly ate the poo! It wasn’t cute!
But now they’re all making puppy noises, which is cute.
I just tried to answer my calculator.
I heard puppies and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. It was on my computer! I’d left this window open: http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/2008/10/hot-saturday-ni.html
You’ll probably want to go there now.
And now, an important question that’s unrelated to puppies: Let’s say you have two important meetings coming up and you’ve noticed that your hair is really frayed at the ends and so you could really use a trim. But let’s say you are also someone who walks away from many haircuts feeling upset and like your tender follicular rights have been violated? Do you make an appointment ahead of time so your hair will look better however you’re risking being unhappy with it? Or do you just go to your important meetings with in-need-of-a-trim hair?
It’s more rhetorical, since I tried to make an appointment to get a haircut and they can’t see me until after the meetings. But, you know, just wondering what you would have done.
Mike: Oh! I met someone who’s also into those vampire books.
Me: Was it a wo—
Mike [cutting me off]: It was a 12- year-old.
I have oodles of free time. So much that I hardly have a moment to myself. It’s always jet skiing and flower pressing and foreign language classes. I nearly whacked my head this morning on an egg-laying chicken as I was making my way out the door to pick up wax for letter embossing. In between the stress of that and the wooziness of giving blood, how can I be expected to fly a kite? And my cribbage partner has given up on me. That’s what was on my mind in the shower this morning.
Well, that and the arbitrariness of the days of the week. Why does the day change at midnight? And how different would everything be if it changed at noon? I think this is what you think about when you appear on a show that airs at 3am. I never know which day to assign to it. It really feels like part of the day before, yet technically it’s a new day. Hence the arbitrariness because no one really considers midnight a new day unless you’re talking birthdays or periods of time you’re trying to get through.
I mean yes, it somewhat correlates to the sun, but I don’t believe in the sun, so I refute that theory.
Well try this: http://www.ijoke.tv/video/&v=122426569296
I just logged into my ijoke page for the first time in awhile and there was a message which I’d assumed was spam but it totally wasn’t, it was this link. So thanks, guy who sent this to me.
I see the above photo and I’m back to wanting a white couch. (photo found here http://designholeonline.com)
I think I’m just going to have to replace my bed with a couch so I can have two couches in my apartment, one grey and one white, and I’ll sleep in the pantry with my broken hair dryer.
I guess I don’t really have a pantry come to think of it. Crap, I should probably get one of those too.
I did not make toast. I know this because I don’t have a toaster. I don’t even have bread. Yes, I could have made imaginary toast with imaginary bread in the over or broiler or on the stove, but I didn’t, because that’s not the kind of thing I would do. And yet it smells strongly of toast in here, and not just any toast but burnt toast, and it’s coming from my hair dryer which I just used to blow hot toast air all over my head. I smell like a bakery accident.
So why don’t I just replace my hair dryer? Are you kidding? The thing cost like 8 million dollars. It’s made from baby otters and white truffles. It has tourmaline in it which is so fancy it’s not even a real chemical and it does something with ions that probably doesn’t hold up to real science either. I think it might run on nuclear energy.
So then why don’t I consult the warranty? Are you crazy? Are you hearing anything I’m saying? I don’t even have bread in my apartment. Why would I possibly still have the warranty? Obviously I slathered peanut butter on it and ate it ages ago.
So I got an email from Bill Schulz’s brother Alfred saying he saw me in a commercial for an upcoming Adam Sandler Biography on the Biography channel. This makes me think this Biography will be airing soon, as that’s how commercials tend to work. For example, that commercial about Zyrtec with that woman who says “You know that song, Time in a Bottle? Well I got it…” and then it you think it’s going to be a commercial about hair dye or something which makes much more sense than allergy medication? I mean, I take Allegra on occasion and I’ve never been like “Holy fuck! What will I do with these extra three hours that I used to devote to sneezing?” Well that commercial means Zyrtec will air soon.
Ok, that was forced and not that funny. Can we go back to how I always want that commercial to be about hair dye because if it covered gray at least it would make sense that it gives you “time in a bottle”? But allergy medicine? I just don’t get it.
Anyway, that wasn’t the point. The point is that I taped Bios for Adam Sandler, Shannon Doherty, Mr. T, The Wahlbergs and one more. Who was it? Hm. Dammit I forget. Maybe if I pop some antihistamines I can go back in time and find out.
Ok, back to the commercial. If your bottle of Zyrtec contained a digital watch tucked into the bottle? That would be time in a bottle. Or if it had a sprig of thyme, even that I could allow. Plus, I bet Zyrtec is in a blister pack anyway, which is a disgusting name.
So keep your eyes peeled for those Biographies. I have no idea how they’re going to chyron me (that’s that little thingerdoodle with the words that says your name and where you’re from.) I don’t recall them asking me. It could be an exciting surprise.