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Author Archive | Alison Rosen

Appliance interruptus

By on February 3, 2008 in I love myself, things which aren’t that fun, Time Out New York

I woke up this morning sleep-blogging, or rather sleep-storming, or rather thinking about fodder for a potential blog post which struck me as brilliant in my not-awake state. It would have looked like this:

Very Specific Reassurances

1. They can’t vacuum forever.

2. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (this is where I fell back asleep again)

Sadly I can’t see the appeal of this list beyond people whose upstairs neighbors vacuum for what seems like forever early in the morning.

In other news, I added to the list of articles I wrote recently and list of articles I wrote long ago (on the right side of this blog). It really breaks down to stuff I wrote for Time Out New York and stuff I wrote for the OC Weekly, so maybe some day I’ll change the way it’s labeled. The TONY stuff shows more restraint, but overall the OC Weekly stuff is probably more fun to read—arguably more creative—and I don’t quite know why that is. That’s not true actually, I do know why it is, but I’m still unsettled by it.

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So you wanna quit your job?

By on February 2, 2008 in career advice

You should try to do it near the beginning of the month because you’ll get extended health insurance coverage and possibly more vacation day pay. Does everyone else know this? I found out on my last day: 1/31. Dismayed, I walked out of the building, fell twelve floors down an elevator shaft and then rolled into oncoming traffic. Now I’m dead.

You might not be so lucky though, and you could be facing astronomical medical bills and you won’t be able to turn to your trusty HMO for substandard medical care.

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Oh mediabistro!

By on February 1, 2008 in hey look it’s me TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO

They ran this flawed blurb about my career change:

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen has been named associate features editor at Time Out New York. She had been music writer there. (mb)

Which is awesome, but it happened TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO! Other outdated causes for celebration?

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen moved to New York. She had been living in Calfornia (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got her braces off. She had been wearing them for four years (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got into Pomona, early decision! She had been hoping this would happen so she could stop doing any work for the remainder of her senior year(mb)

January 30, 2008: but back to the braces thing, a lot of people only had to wear them for like two years, and she had to wear them for four which pissed her off, specifically because she didn’t think she should still be in braces when she got her driver’s license, you know? (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got her driver’s license! (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen got braces!

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen learned how to raise one eyebrow. she’s been working on it in front of the bathroom mirror for what seemed like many headache-inducing hours. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen will be playing the role of Mrs. Harper in the 8th grade musical. For this, she will be wearing a funny hat.

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen is trying out for the role of Becky, the lead in the 8th grade musical. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen has been born. She had been a fetus. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Alison Rosen is a fetus. She had been a zygote. (mb)

January 30, 2008: Shhhhhhh…. be very very quiet. Alison Rosen is gestating.

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I'm dismantling my desk at work

By on January 31, 2008 in Uncategorized

I didn’t expect it to be sad, but it kind of is! Because I’m going through CDs and finding the first ones I ever reviewed here and it feels like a long time ago. The funny thing is that I remember being not all that happy at the time, and so I’m feeling nostalgia for something I don’t remember fondly. Also, perhaps dismantling isn’t right word if that suggests some kind of hot allen wrench action. I just mean going through the mountains of crap I collected here. I changed desks three times over the last three years and by the third time I didn’t even really set stuff up, I just lived like a desk refugee (though the post-it note that says “please buy a stamp for personal mail” which I found on a piece of mail thoughtfully returned to me, is proudly tacked up on my bulletin board.) What was I saying? Back to the sorting I go!

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I've come to care

By on January 28, 2008 in dogs, Fred

…way too much about Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. He’s just so sage and knowing. And calm and serene. I interviewed him once. It was him and Adam Corolla. It was at the MTV Music Awards in 1997, back when I was 14. (Did I mention I’m 24? Because I’m not.) They were joking about Madonna’s sudden British accent. Maybe it was 1998? Anyway, the point is that I hope Jeff Conway pulls through! Also, I search longingly through my DVR’s “search by title” function for new episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The title is my go-to joke when I need to make fun of silly reality shows, which apparently is often, but between you and me there is nothing joking about my strange obsession with the show. I think it was from watching with bewildered curiosity the episode “Dude you’re so pregnant” or whatever it was called. That guy that she almost married–such insouciant douchiness! And those cute puppies! And the way Bruce Jenner always looks taken aback because his face has been pulled into a permanent expression of surprise. What does insouciant mean? That’s one of those words I repeatedly look up and forget. My brain refuses to latch on.

Also, my friend Rob got a dog. Rob and I were talking to each other recently at a party about how we both want to get dogs and are dangerously close to it and then he off and did it! The same dog he was talking about at the party that he’d seen on the internet! He is my hero for he is brave and not afraid to get a dog. Not that there’s anything lacking in my relationship with Fred The Jade Plant though, because I experienced something close to vegetable nirvana earlier.

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Now that I'm going freelance

By on January 27, 2008 in Fred

…I have the time to open up my heart to something that can both give and receive love. Meet Fred:

Fred, getting ready to drop a one-liner

He’s brand new but already I can tell we’re going to get along great. Plus, he tells the funniest jokes!

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The gym

By on January 26, 2008 in the gym

I’m going to go the gym. I’m wearing my gym clothes and everything. I even have a rubber band around my right wrist to keep my hand from falling off. Have you ever tried to exercise without a hand? Actually for certain things like jogging or riding a bike (if you have a good balance) it’s not so bad, but for weight lifting or, say, competitive hand shaking, it’s a detriment. But actually it’s there so I can put my hair in a pony tail at said gym, which I haven’t been to in so long that last time I went (not to exercise, but to check on my locker) I found a layer of dust on my lock. I would have opened it but I couldn’t remember the combination. I also can’t remember what’s inside there. Probably some hair junk, more rubber bands, a half eaten sandwich and some arts and crafts supplies. My friend and I long to spend a day in the locker room creating dioramas inside our lockers, just to see what people would say to us if we were really in there for a whole day cutting little things out of construction paper. Also, I removed the irritating rubber band and if you’ll notice I’m sitting here writing BS so as not to be at the gym. Okay, here I go.

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I think

By on January 25, 2008 in god I love me, wendy molyneux

it’s funny when people stand gloves up on things so it looks like they’re waving. For example there is a glove standing up on the ledge above the mailboxes downstairs in my building and it made the experience of checking my mail, and discovering that 290 buckaroos of a health claim weren’t covered because reason number code here etc a little friendlier.

Also I took my sad little bundle of laundry to the place across the street this morning hoping to get it there in time to get it back today but I’d missed the cut off. I asked the woman what time they could have it tomorrow. She answered and I frowned. She paused and then told me to try the place next door because they can have it done in time. It was all very Miracle on 34th Street but with more socks.

Finally I’m gearing up to write a big FAQ about the current events of my life. I probably won’t actually do this. But wouldn’t it be awesome if I did?

Oh and Wendy and I posted!

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