Author Archive | Alison Rosen

Did you hear about my new thing? It’s that it takes me for-fucking-ever to write and some of what I write turns out to be crap! Unless you are one of my editors/bosses in which case I am lightning quick and only ever brilliant.

Seriously though, I feel like I’ve been wearing this constipated writer look on my face for days now and it’s interfering with my otherwise beautiful visage and sadly frizzled hair (yes, I know it’s not a word but I think it should be. the FRIZZLING being from the body wash as shampoo fiasco of two posts ago). What was I saying? I don’t know but I wish the writing just poured out of me in sheets of awesomeness but instead it seems to come out a tiny drip at a time. I need a brain colonic. I also need to stop with all the disgusting metaphors. Sorry readers. I’m tired and gross.

Today I accidentally washed my hair with body wash. The kind for your body. I don’t know how it happened. I mean, I do, but it’s a long story which I don’t care to share so I’d appreciate if you would stop trying to get it out of me. I mean, I noticed that it wasn’t really lathering in the regular shampooey way, but I just let it go. Actually, that’s not true either, I decided not to fight the lack of suds and so I just poured more into my palm. So what I’m trying to say is that today I washed my hair with a shitload of body wash. Then upon realizing it I decided to wash it with shampoo and I wasn’t sure whether that would restore some precious pH level and amino something or other and pump up the volume or whether it would further damage and strip my once lovely locks. Then I conditioned, careful not to be pouring hand lotion into my hair because I’ve lost confidence in my ability to shower effectively.

Then I ate a bar of soap, because why not.

Camel chin

Three things surprise me about this story.

1. The fondlee was female.
2. Marijuana? I would have expected something harder.
3. I could have sworn there was a third thing. I find the depth of the cleft in his chin quite noticeable, but I’m not going to go so far as to say surprising. Also, his hair color. Also, the crazy look in his eyes. But none of those were what I was going to say.
4. this is in no way related to the interview I just did
5. with a famous pop star’s brother
6. at the Maritime Hotel and the last time I was there there were mice scurrying around and I didn’t say word one about it today, which I think is mature, don’t you?
7. it’s hot here
8. I have a headache and a lot of work to do
9. I enjoyed Mr. Dick in Dude, Where’s My Car. Truly.
10. But then, I also enjoyed Hal Sparks in that movie and he turned out to be a douche nonpareil (we did Red Eye together)
11. that’s a douche covered with little chocolate candies covered in small white balls
12. then rolled in capers
13. But I did like Queer as Folk.

Greetings my little acorn squashes. Sorry I haven’t been blogging with the frequency and fervor you deserve. I’ve had my nose to the grindstone.

Today I’m interviewing the brother of a very famous celebrity and no it’s not Phil McKeon— brother of Facts of Life‘s Nancy McKeon–who was on Alice and was a star in his own right. Good guess though!