When you’re a little kid and you go to Las Vegas for family vacations—which isn’t all that fun, by the way, though Circus Circus is/was mindblowing—you drink this or tomato juice. Gawker says it’s coming back. I didn’t realize it went away. I think there’s probably a 25 year old jar of it in my parents’ cupboard.
As a writer and delightful bon vivant I’m always worried about unintentionally ripping someone off. I’ve talked about this with other writers and whenever a particular word or phrase flies off your fingertips too easily it’s suspect. For example, I recall “alluring down-turned smile” once coming out of me and then wondering where it came from because it didn’t really sound like me.
Anyway! Remember when I wrote that whole good news and bad news post? Titled I Blame Denver? Well I went to Wendy’s blog tonight and looks like she had the good news/bad news construct cornered way before I did. I feel so… stealthy.
Yes, that’s right, I’ll say it. I am proud that I’m stealing. You think I’m going to live by your rules? By society’s rules? I don’t think so. I name my plants and I steal from my friends. It’s just who I am.
From Cute Overload.
Again with the stress. If fear and anxiety were a pinball and my body were a pinball machine, someone would be racking up a lot of points playing me because that ball is zinging around, bouncing off my spleen and ricocheting off my ileum and then getting caught in my pancreas where you think it’s lost and then it pops out again and stuff lights up and now there’s two balls zipping around! No two ball jokes, please.
See, I was feeling fairly on top of stuff because yesterday went well and so I could stop stressing about that and then today I made a to-do list and it wasn’t as scary as I thought but then I found out that I may have to do an on-air interview late next week which is when I’d planned on moving and somehow that’s toppling my whole house-of-cards-of-calm feeling I’d built out of this deck of 52 Bicycles, which is a kind of card, not actual bikes because there’s no way I could build a house out of actual bikes! I’d get covered in gearshift oil! I’d smell like tires!
I wish I had a desktop zen garden with a small waterfall and little bonsai tree. I need some kind of desktop de-stresser.
Well I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I won’t be on Red Eye on Monday because there won’t be Red Eye on Monday because of the conventions. The good news is that there’s a bruise on my left arm which, if you look at the underside of my arm you can see the vein and the bruise is kinda smack in the middle of veinville (which sounds like a disgusting porno location, doesn’t it?) and so it looks like an oil spill in the middle of the road, under my skin, but it’s getting smaller. The bad news is that I can’t have pets in my new place. The good news is that I’m going to be hosting the video component of this big festival in New York that’s going to be bringing together a bunch of cool bands and filmmakers and design people and DJs and I’ll be interviewing them and whatnot, on camera, so if you’re needing your fix of me which, let’s face it, YOU ARE, you will be able to get that next month for ten days, more than once a day. The bad news is that I’m sleepy. The good news is that I may even be doing yoga on video for the first time ever. The bad news is that I won’t be able to keep a straight face. The good news is that I really enjoy hosting and this will give me a chance to really flex my host muscle. The bad news is that I pulled my host muscle carrying groceries and man does it ache. The good news is that host muscle weighs more than fat, but it’s more dense, so you might be losing inches. The bad news is that there’s no good TV on tonight.
I feel like I had more and better good and bad news, but it just didn’t come together as I’d hoped.
I just had the following thought: "Ugh, there's so much I have to do… Wait, actually, I'm doing it." I'm at a photoshoot for a story due Friday which I need to get done before I can really begin packing and dealing with moving stuff. Thus far the anticipation of everything has been worse then the actual everything, today is going well, but I'm afraid to commit that to blog lest I jinx it.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
New commenter Sean asked for my reaction to Norm MacDonald’s set last night on the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget and the funny thing is that I was planning on writing something about it anyway, that’s how in sync we all are, blog readers. Doesn’t it make you believe in magic? Magic and… coincidence? We are SO on the same wavelength unless we just happened to be thinking the same thing.
Anyway, so vexed was I by Norm’s confounding set that I took to the internet earlier today and it seems opinion is pretty divided. Norm MacDonald is such a lightning rod! I think he was doing anti-comedy, deliberately, which explains his dad-from-My-Three-Sons persona when he was sitting on the dais reading a newspaper and seeming earnestly-though-frustratingly oblivious to what was going on. I wanted to shake him. Look alive, Norm! I would have yelled.
I laughed at the cauliflower joke, especially when he began explaining the jokes. I thought it was funny, but in general I prefer comedy to anti-comedy. But I thought it was sweet when Bob Saget teared up at the end of his set.
I’m feeling stressed about moving, that’s how, and it’s a totally free-floating kind of stress that’s really the worst kind because if I get distracted I feel like I’m forgetting something and then I realize that what I’m forgetting is to sit still and fret about moving. I should tie a dining set around my finger so I remember to worry.
Anyone care to recommend any movers?
Also, did anyone watch the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget? It was funny.
I guess that’s all for now, although I’m sure there’s more.
There’s no medicine cabinet or storage in the bathroom of my new apartment and since the tile (which goes all the way up the wall) was just redone, the owners aren’t so keen on drilling into it. This means I’m looking at one of those over the toilet freestanding shelf or cabinet things which I never like because I feel like they’re unattractive and not very sturdy seeming. So I ask you, blog readers, have you seen any that you like? What would you do if it was your bathroom?
By the way, this is part one in a series of me asking you for advice on how to set up my new apartment. I was born without the shelf-hanging gene. Also, I have no idea what I like anymore. Midcentury modern? Shabby chic? Actually, I know I like shabby chic, I think I’m just slightly embarrassed to admit it. When I moved into my apartment in California I happened to walk by this second hand furniture store and they had all this distressed white wooden furniture and it was super cheap and at the suggestion of my roommate and friend who was quite handy and had a large car, I snapped it up. I miss that furniture which is currently sitting in my parents house in California since it didn’t make sense to bring it to NYC. When I moved here I bought new furniture which is okay but I don’t love it. It’s neither white nor distressed. It’s Mexican rustic, sort of. It’s large and wooden and it just isn’t me. But, I mean, I’m only talking about a desk, two nightstands or endtables and a dresser. The rest of the furniture for my new place I’m going to have to buy. Here’s what I’m thinking I’ll need:
a kitchen table
chairs
a couch or easy chair or both, plus ottoman since I enjoy flopping into a chair, putting my feet up and staying like that for about six to eight hours (I’m very active)
a coffee table
a media stand or thing to put my TV and cable box on
a microwave (that’s not technically furniture but at this point I’m just making a list)
a puppy
an armoire or freestanding closet or something since this apartment doesn’t have any built in closets which I know kind of sucks but it DOES have a dishwasher and boy do I love dishwashers
two rugs for two rooms which are about 12 by 12 each (one is more like 12 by 14 actually, I think)
Now that I’ve made this list I feel both more stressed and more relaxed.
Sometimes when I’m in the depths of not knowing what to do I look at Cute Overload. Look how cute this is!
Also, unrelated, my allergies couldn’t be worse right now.