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Author Archive | Alison Rosen

How am I feeling?

I’m feeling stressed about moving, that’s how, and it’s a totally free-floating kind of stress that’s really the worst kind because if I get distracted I feel like I’m forgetting something and then I realize that what I’m forgetting is to sit still and fret about moving. I should tie a dining set around my finger so I remember to worry.

Anyone care to recommend any movers?

Also, did anyone watch the Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget? It was funny.

I guess that’s all for now, although I’m sure there’s more.

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Help me design my apartment

There’s no medicine cabinet or storage in the bathroom of my new apartment and since the tile (which goes all the way up the wall) was just redone, the owners aren’t so keen on drilling into it. This means I’m looking at one of those over the toilet freestanding shelf or cabinet things which I never like because I feel like they’re unattractive and not very sturdy seeming. So I ask you, blog readers, have you seen any that you like? What would you do if it was your bathroom?

By the way, this is part one in a series of me asking you for advice on how to set up my new apartment. I was born without the shelf-hanging gene. Also, I have no idea what I like anymore. Midcentury modern? Shabby chic? Actually, I know I like shabby chic, I think I’m just slightly embarrassed to admit it. When I moved into my apartment in California I happened to walk by this second hand furniture store and they had all this distressed white wooden furniture and it was super cheap and at the suggestion of my roommate and friend who was quite handy and had a large car, I snapped it up. I miss that furniture which is currently sitting in my parents house in California since it didn’t make sense to bring it to NYC. When I moved here I bought new furniture which is okay but I don’t love it. It’s neither white nor distressed. It’s Mexican rustic, sort of. It’s large and wooden and it just isn’t me. But, I mean, I’m only talking about a desk, two nightstands or endtables and a dresser. The rest of the furniture for my new place I’m going to have to buy. Here’s what I’m thinking I’ll need:

a kitchen table
chairs
a couch or easy chair or both, plus ottoman since I enjoy flopping into a chair, putting my feet up and staying like that for about six to eight hours (I’m very active)
a coffee table
a media stand or thing to put my TV and cable box on
a microwave (that’s not technically furniture but at this point I’m just making a list)
a puppy
an armoire or freestanding closet or something since this apartment doesn’t have any built in closets which I know kind of sucks but it DOES have a dishwasher and boy do I love dishwashers
two rugs for two rooms which are about 12 by 12 each (one is more like 12 by 14 actually, I think)

Now that I’ve made this list I feel both more stressed and more relaxed.

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Sounds great, talk to my agent!

This is what my agent told me to tell people who want me to do stuff for them, if I want him involved, and then he said that he says it to his wife all the time, which I thought was pretty funny. But then I was thinking that really, “Sounds great, talk to my agent,” should be the title of a blog or self-published book, don’t you think?

I feel like the person writing it would be named Scott or Kevin and he would have very dark almost shellacked hair and he would live far from either coast but have summer stock experience. Also, he probably had a guest spot on Law and Order and then you’d click the screen grabs and find out that really he was just an extra on Law and Order during a trip where he came to the city for his cousin’s bachelor party. His special skills would involve juggling, doing an Italian-American accent, The Alexander Technique and PowerPoint.

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Also

Also, just to paint the picture of my kind of sad but ok with me Friday night, Swingtown was so good that even though I was watching it all by myself I actually, at one pivotal point, began slapping my own thigh and saying ‘Oh my god oh my god oh my god!” I hesitate to say what it was, lest anyone else is watching this show and I spoil it. However I don’t think that’s the case so I’ll just say it was when Bonnie killed Juniper.

Ok fine, there’s no Bonnie and certainly no Juniper and no one has been killed.

But if there had been, I’m sure that would have been a big moment.

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Freakishly large breast implants and cockapoo lesbians

As I’ve said before, for some reason I don’t like to blog about search terms however every now and then they’re just too good to keep to myself, like a pair of freakishly large breast implants or cockapoo lesbians, which are a couple of the terms recently used to reach my blog. Also, it appears that a number of people are trying to get to Fox & Friends’ Alisyn Camerota but finding me instead so to them I’d like to say: might I interest you in a pair of freakishly large breast implants or cockapoo lesbians? I’d also like to say that while I’m not she, I’ve met her more than once and even hung out with her and her husband at a bar/restaurant, how jealous are you? Very, I imagine.

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Woohoo, Friday night!

Swingtown was so good tonight I can’t handle it! Did anyone else watch? I’m really the only person watching this show, aren’t I? Also, the news story about the heartless cop who stopped a couple who were rushing their choking poodle to the vet and who wouldn’t let them go while their dog was dying in the backseat is putting a strain on my swollen tear ducts. And lastly, I had this conversation with my dad:

My dad: Your fans are so nice!
Me: I know! SO nice!
My dad: I love them!

And now I’m going to go to sleep and wake up in about fifteen hours. If anyone asks, I had a wild and crazy Friday night that involved interactions with fellow human beings in loud places. I probably busted a move or two.

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You guys are the best!

Thanks for making this button, Ted! If I had a binder, I would put this on it. And really, thank you all for the really nice comments. Sometimes this blog is better than a puppy! (Imagine if I had this blog AND a puppy?! I would be showered with affection from all sides. So very tempting.)

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A shot from Red Eye last night


Usually when I’m on TV I’m able to escape completely from all the stuff gnawing at me in real life and just go into performer mode, which I think is why I like it so much, but last night for some reason I couldn’t get away from anything and so I just felt a little weird the whole night. Not sure how apparent it was, but you can kind of see it in this photo.

And then I beat myself up because I feel like if I were a TRUE professional I should be able to get past anything that might be weighing on me. I mean, not to be ghoulish, but I went on TV the night after I found out my grandma died and it provided a welcome distraction.

Anyway, yeah. I want to live in a safe little TV bubble but last night dumb things—inconsequential things really—were intruding!

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