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Author Archive | Alison Rosen

I love Marc Kushner

Marc Kushner and Mattias Hollwich are the architects who designed the rooftop where I'm doing these segments until the thirteenth and I love both of them equally even though typically I don't like architects with the exception of Elise Keaton from Family Ties but I love Marc Kushner a little more because he told me where to catch a cab in Brooklyn so now I don't have to give all my money to a car service. Instead I can give it all to yellow cab! Hooray!

But really, I should get back on the train. And I plan to. But carrying all this crap isn't conducive to commuting by train not to mention the fact that the rooftop is nowhere near the train. Know what it's near? Time Out New York which I used to just walk to because walking forty or so blocks seemed easier than taking the train. That was before I lived in Brooklyn though. Anyway I'm worried about the integrity of my hair today what with Hugo. Hannah? Horatio? What's the name of this hurricane? Also I keep triping on my own pants while walking down the stairs and I'm afraid I'm going to take an embarrassing spill. Also, this cab driver is talking too loudly on the phone.

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Day two

I'm in a hotel room near the rooftop, taking a break and watching the news. In between moving and mini-ing, I feel like I have no idea what's going on in the world. Unless of course you are a news show producer who'd like me to speak about something in which case, I'm so plugged in it's not even funny. Today is day two of the event. It's refreshingly windy up there. Some chairs blew off the stage. Oh, blind item! Last night I overheard someone saying, about a performer, "Is he still throwing stuff?" I'd say more but I might get in trouble with management. That's a hint.

So we put together a few more videos. I'm not sure if they're up yet. I haven't actually seen them though I've seen snippets but I can't seem to push my way in there enough to watch. But people keep saying "you're quite funny" and a couple German people winked at me, so that's good. Speaking of German, I think if I could speak it I'd have a much better idea of what the editors think of the videos so far. Also, I'm officially tired of walking back and forth from one end of my apartment to another looking for stuff. I need a personal assistant who knows which box I put everything in. And I need someone on scissor detail because I keep misplacing them. And I also need a hair and makeup person because I'm tired of doing it myself. That's precious sleep time! And I suppose I wouldn't be averse to someone sponge bathing me, running my errands and chauffeuring me around. Oh, and if you could also buy me a bath mat and a couch, that would be excellent.

Swingtown is on tonight! Thank god I have my DVR set up.

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Day one

"We're all tired but you're the only one who can't show it." Eric to me, after a particularly lackluster take.

Now I'm in a cab on the way home after what felt like a really long day. There's traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. I have a headache and my feet kill. On the upside I found my lingerie tape so now if I'm worried about my shirt popping open or sliding around I can surreptitiously tape that sucker to my flesh, which is what I did.
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First video from the MINI rooftop

It was windy and I was looking all around and my face was kinda scrunched up because of said wind and also, the rooftop is just cool and there’s a lot to look at. Anyway, here’s the first one. Expect more with oodles more me in the them (seriously, they will be chock full of me. They will be a nougat of me dipped in a me coating).

http://www.minispace.com/en_us/article/first_video_from_the_roof/41/

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Hold it right there

When I'm rich and own the world one day I'm going to have my own bathroom that travels with me because the amount of time I spend waiting in public restroom lines is ridiculous.
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Brooklyn can't keep its hands off me

Yesterday I went to this cute little antique or secondhand store near my apartment that had all this cool old furniture which smells cool and old and maybe a little like mothballs, but very hip vintage moth balls, not mass produced moth balls. I mean, the craftmanship that went into these balls. The elbow grease and the sweat. Someone labored over these balls. You don’t find that in the city. So anyway I was talking with the woman who worked at the store because I can be garrulous and winning when I so choose, or when the moment chooses me, I mean, who’s to say you know? So we’re talking and she asks how long I’ve been in the neighborhood and I tell her three days and she comes out from behind the counter to give me a hug and say welcome to the neighborhood. It was so sweet I almost cried! And then I told my sister later that day and she almost cried! It’s like we’re just so relieved that anyone likes me! And then today I met my landlord’s wife and daughter (they live above me) and they were super nice and gave me a sweet housewarming gift (a cute teapot and some tea) and told me I was home now and if there’s anything I need not to hesitate to ask and she gave me a hug and it was so nice I almost cried. And then I told my parents and they almost cried! I’m telling you, it’s like I’ve never known the touch of other human beings or something. Anyway, photo tour? I think so:


Here’s me on moving day in the middle of the WORST allergy attack ever. I think my nose was swollen. I cannot emphasize enough how bad this allergy attack was. It was like a cat exploded on my face. And not in a good way. A less confident person would burn this photo, not upload it, but what the hell. I dare you to love me.

Here’s one of the pieces of furniture I bought from the antique store near my apartment. Usually I like white furniture but new borough, new woodstain. Also, don’t I look like a fussy little old man with this nightstand? You can’t really tell but there is an umbrella and a bottle of aspirin on the shelf. It’s the umbrella that makes me look geriatric for some reason. I should also stick a hot water bottle under there. And my reading glasses, even though I don’t use reading glasses.
Oops, out of order. Here’s me on moving day, transporting my precious plants. That’s me with no makeup, by the way. None.


Here’s the adorable teapot I received as a housewarming gift from my landlord. I also received a tin of tea but that isn’t in this photo.


Here’s another piece of furniture I bought from the antique store. Doesn’t it kind of look like a smiley face or the face of a robot/computer in an 80s movie? I liked it until I wrote that.


Here’s a lamp I bought at this little furniture store I discovered called Ikea. Who knew I like funky lamps? I didn’t. But I do!


Here’s a rounded edge bookshelf thing I bought from that store. Not Ikea, the other one.


I also bought a “secretary” although thus far this pink thing hasn’t made me any coffee or filed anything.


Here it is, opened. It’s blue inside! I totally didn’t need this at all, however now that I have it I’ve made it my correspondence corner, in case I need to send anyone a postcard. Note: the last postcard I sent was in 1994.


Here’s a bathroom storage thing I bought from someone off Craiglist. Now my whole bathroom smells like whatever hair products the person who used to own this used. It’s a distinctive smell but I can’t place it which is frustrating. I like to think I know my Garnier from my Aquanet from my Sebastian.


I love ducklings but I realized that the love I have for my dishwasher is a close second. I LOVE this dishwasher. A friend of mine told me he finds doing dishes relaxing. I find not doing dishes relaxing.

Inside my dishwasher.


Remember how I said my freezer smells like asparagus? Well asparagus, you’ve met your match. I’m tackling the problem head on. This baking soda was lovingly shot and backlit in my freezer.
And lest that smell think of laying down roots in my fridge? Think again.

I guess that’s all for now.

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