Dear Anna,
Are we debasing ourselves by posting these vlogs? You know, but like, debasing in a bad way? I can’t believe I’m even asking this considering what a camera whore I am. It’s probably just hormones right? Right.
Alison
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
DAY 2 on the job
First Anna ate lunch and our boss said he was behind the scenes!
THEN even more happened!
THEN we bullied a model!
THEN Anna told a horrifying elevator story!
Hi
I missed you guys and felt like it had been too long since we’d talked. Vlogs forthcoming!
Conversations with an adolescent Magic 8 Ball
Me: Should I wear this shirt today?
Adolescent Magic 8 Ball: Reply hazy, I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN!
Anna and I worked in an office today and filmed ourselves
Today Anna and I worked in an office at an undisclosed location on a top secret project. It may have been the Manhattan Project. Was that tangentially related to fashion? It was, right? Anyway, we filmed ourselves even though we both really needed to pee.
Also, today we teamed up and interviewed a guy at the same time. Dirty!
I'm an asshole
In New York there is a special kind of asshole who takes a cab when it rains and tonight that asshole is me. This blog post? Written from the back of a cab. But I’m not just a cab-in-the-rain taking asshole because as I write this my jeans are stuffed into my uggs (and the fact that I even am wearing uggs is a whole other topic) but anyway they are stuffed in there and kind of poofing over the top in a way that suggests I might beg for porridge and then break into song. Also, it’s as if each leg has its own wee muffin top.
You should know that I took the train to the place I had to be today, so I’m only half an asshole, and the walk there was miserable times a million. I nearly lost my hand from frost and then when I got to the place I tried to take my coat off but I had no feeling in my hand and I was too impatient for my body to remind itself that I’m alive so I accidentally pulled the coat open and ripped the button off, Superman style. Apparently without feeling in my fingers I possess Herculean strength. Then I flipped over a couple of cars and got to work.
Discussions with an existentialist magic 8 ball
Q: Will today be a good day?
A: Signs point to what is the point of it all?
Things to think about when naming your imaginary pets
Earlier tonight I went on like six dates with seven guys and then I hit an array of parties, a few summits and one fête before coming home to think about good names for imaginary crime fighting puppies. How is a fête different from a party? If you have to ask you’d never understand. I mean, seriously.
I was thinking about names because I announced earlier that I’d never name a puppy Sal which seemed to ruffle a few feathers. Look people, I just wouldn’t and it’s not because I had a bad run in years ago with a broker named Sal. Wait, yes it is.
It got me thinking about… what was I saying? I’m very unfocused right now because the TV is on and there are people talking about the job market. More like there are people yelling at me about the job market. Also, there are words flying across the screen. It’s very dynamic. You know, if dynamic meant “so busy I want to throw my shoe at the TV.”
I’d throw the Magic 8 Ball but then how would I ever make a decision?
Me: Should I throw you at the TV?
Magic 8 Ball: Outlook not so good.
Um, so anyway I was going to tell you about the list of puppy names I’d made, with your help, back when my parents first got Tobey-who-didn’t-have-a-name and then I was going to explain that when naming imaginary pets you often have to see them first. For example, I’m currently the proud owner of a pair of imaginary mackerel named Bob and Kelvin. How did I get those names? Well, okay, confession: I overheard them introducing themselves to someone. But the point is that the names really do suit them. One day Kelvin told me he was thinking of going by Chaz and I was like, “Who are you trying impress, Kelvin?” I hope that wasn’t too harsh, come to think of it. I want to nurture his imagination while at the same time making sure he’s got a grip on reality and strong sense of self. It’s a delicate balance I suppose.
I feel mentally out of breath
I feel mentally out of breath which is a strange sensation since I’m not new to thinking, thoughts or stress, but the thing about taking the online Jeopardy quiz, which you have to take to be considered to be a contestant on the show, and let me just throw out there that I’m not even entirely sure I’d be eligible since I’m on TV however I don’t think I appear in any way that excludes me, aaaanyway, the thing about the quiz is there’s a second hand counting down each answer and there’s a giant Alex Trebeck sitting motionless on your computer and then there’s also theme music at the beginning and the end.
And how did I do? I have no idea and I’ll never find out, the web site makes that pretty clear, but I know I got a few of the more obvious questions wrong and a few of the more obscure ones right.
Goddamn you Simon Legree and Tospy, which book are you from?
And why oh why did I not write which president was in office in 1812 when it turns out my guess was correct?
And let’s not begin to talk about the House of Representatives shall we?
Or that thing about Mozart and the planet or the smallest great lake or the peak in the Alps or, um, the midwest state whose postal code is a preposition.
Am I ruining my chances by blogging this? Am I not supposed to repeat it? No one told me anything. I need direction, Alex!
Yeah. So clearly I probably won’t be appearing on Jeopardy. Although there were 50 questions so maybe I did better than this blog post would suggest. Might I say that I kick ass at rhyme time? Totally got that one right.
Was rereading old posts
I was rereading old posts while staring in the mirror when I came across and re-cracked up at this one, about my parents’ dog.