What are the chances the laundry place is systematically “disappearing” my socks, one at a time, in a perverse effort to make me think I’m losing my mind… and also my socks? I don’t mean to point fingers, but I really feel the rate of return on my socks is low. Which begs the question, what are they doing with my socks? Are they tying them together and creating a zip line to get across the street? Are they starching the shit out of them and then using them as crude shovels to tunnel a way out? Are they filling them with potting soil and growing Gerbera? (You may know it as the common daisy, typically grown in stolen socks.) Please send answers. And socks.
UPDATE: I just want to add that I’m aware the whole “are my socks disappearing in the dryer” thing has been done before however I’m suggesting they are getting STOLEN, not just lost, hence my spin on this is obviously new, novel and edgy. Plus, I’m literally missing socks, which means my comedy is rooted in truth. I’m like the Mort Sahl of hosiery.
Perhaps one of your socks couple decides to be unfaithful when they go out on the town, and ends up with a stranger in a meaningless relationship, finally spending a life of shame in someones elses drawer always looking but never finding another hookup. Ah yes, the joy of socks.
“Seriously, where do those missing socks go?” writes J. Jeanne Heida.
I blame the sock gnomes.
Yeah, someone is stealing them. Well there you go. Get them immediately after they are done so as to prevent this from happening again. You’re lucky no one skeeted on them.
– Compton’s Most Wanted
Perhaps one of your socks couple decides to be unfaithful when they go out on the town, and ends up with a stranger in a meaningless relationship, finally spending a life of shame in someones elses drawer always looking but never finding another hookup. Ah yes, the joy of socks.
“Seriously, where do those missing socks go?” writes J. Jeanne Heida.
I blame the sock gnomes.
As in “A Beautiful Mind,” you’re suffering from dementia. For any given pair of socks, instead of seeing it as one complete pair, you see it as TWO pairs that are each missing one sock.
Most people don’t realize that Alison began having problems with socks at a very young age: http://tinyurl.com/yenrxck
Yeah, someone is stealing them. Well there you go. Get them immediately after they are done so as to prevent this from happening again. You're lucky no one skeeted on them.
– Compton's Most Wanted
As in “A Beautiful Mind,” you're suffering from dementia. For any given pair of socks, instead of seeing it as one complete pair, you see it as TWO pairs that are each missing one sock.
Most people don't realize that Alison began having problems with socks at a very young age: http://tinyurl.com/yenrxck