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Archive | January, 2010

On the next Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

As many of you already know, Wednesday I’ll be talking with adult film star Courtney Cummz on my Ustream show. I’ve interviewed her on my web show but never had her on the live Ustream show so this is exciting but but but but BUT I want to make sure it’s a nice, friendly respectful vibe so I’m expecting all of you to be on your best behavior.

Am I making myself clear?

I’d love to be able to ask her your questions so if you have any, please leave them in the comments. I’ll be taking questions from the chat room during the show as well, but putting them here is a good way to make sure I’ll see them.

And as always, I want to thank all of you for being the best fans/viewers in the whole world.

RSVP for the show for updates about time changes and whatnot.

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Nip slips and other slips

Was thinking tonight about wardrobe malfunctions and the “nip slip” and then thinking about some other unfortunate slips:

Chip slip: when you’re eating a chip and it falls out of your mouth while you’re talking. Not to be confused with the similar sounding…

Dip slip: this is when you stick a chip in dip and the dip is so thick the act of attempting to scoop some up on your chip causes you to lose your balance and hit the ground.

Slip slip: this is when a small boat pops out of your blouse. Embarrassing!

Pip slip: this is when a small Dickensian orphan pops out of your blouse. Mortifying!

Zip slip: this is when you’re ziplining and forget to wear underwear

Trip slip: this is when you’ve taken a secret vacation and you accidentally mention it

Rip slip: this is when you fart and then fall over

Sip slip: this is when you take a sip of a beverage and get it all over your shirt

Grip slip: this is when you go to do a fancy handshake with someone but you just moisturized your hands Nip

Tip slip: this is when you go to put a couple dollars in the tip jar and accidentally lose your footing and get pregnant

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On the next Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend

So because Jon Stewart clearly hates my hair, my friend who’s a producer for The Daily Show who’s supposed to cut my hair on air has to reschedule AGAIN because this time he’s flying to Atlanta or some such. “Like hell you are!” I yelled into my hairbrush, after applying a quarter-sized dollop of styling gel from my roots to my split ends. Then I bent over and blew all my hair forward and then straight up, like DJ Paulie D from Jersey Shore. It looked good.

So this week I will have my pal Koryn Kennedy IN STUDIO. She is a former Maxim radio “Emergency Hot Chick” which means she’s both hot and good with dispensing relationship/dating advice. She’s also a sometime voiceover artist and can do all sorts of crazy voices and accents which is secretly why I want her on the show, because I find that endlessly entertaining since I can only  do zero accents. In addition to looking hot and impersonating Bostonians, Koryn works at Marie Claire as a writer and editor.

But that’s not all. We’ll also be talking to Dustin later in the show and I’ll be unveiling a brand spanking  new segment which involves a quiz. I think you’ll find it fun. If not, I’ll hunt you down and kill you.

And we might do our second fan phone call or we might do that the following week. I haven’t decided if that’s a weekly thing or a biweekly thing or a triweekly thing or a monthly thing. Feel free to weigh in.

And RSVP for the show why don’t you! Also, tell all your friends! Yay!

Catch all this hot action on Wednesday at 10pm EST/7pm PST.

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Whither my socks?

What are the chances the laundry place is systematically “disappearing” my socks, one at a time, in a perverse effort to make me think I’m losing my mind… and also my socks? I don’t mean to point fingers, but I really feel the rate of return on my socks is low. Which begs the question, what are they doing with my socks? Are they tying them together and creating a zip line to get across the street? Are they starching the shit out of them and then using them as crude shovels to tunnel a way out? Are they filling them with potting soil and growing Gerbera? (You may know it as the common daisy, typically grown in stolen socks.) Please send answers. And socks.

UPDATE: I just want to add that I’m aware the whole “are my socks disappearing in the dryer” thing has been done before however I’m suggesting they are getting STOLEN, not just lost, hence my spin on this is obviously new, novel and edgy. Plus, I’m literally missing socks, which means my comedy is rooted in truth. I’m like the Mort Sahl of hosiery.

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