Things I said goodbye to this morning

Well it’s finally happened. Despite the fact that I’m hugely successful and everything’s all aces and shit’s going gangbusters and my greatest problem is that my wallet is too small to accommodate all my money (it’s like a fat lettuce sandwich… especially since last night I replaced the cash inside with lettuce) I had to call up the cable company and downgrade because I decided that a fun thing to do would be to pinch pennies.

Seriously, don’t throw anything at me right now because I won’t be able to catch it because my hands are busy pinching pennies.

So goodbye Hallmark Channel which I used to MASH on. Goodbye BIO channel which I always meant to watch more especially since I’m on you the time. Goodbye DIY channel—perhaps the cruelest salutation of them all since I enjoyed many of your shows even if I sometimes liked the before bathroom better than the after. Goodbye G4, which I also never really watched but enjoyed having the option of watching. Goodbye Travel channel—I never watched you and I’m sorry about that. What can I say now to make it ok? You deserved better. Goodbye National Geographic Channel—wait, maybe this isn’t goodbye? I hope not because I like The Dog Whisperer however if this is goodbye, please think of me fondly and I promise to do the same. Goodbye MTV2, Fuse, Reelz and all the HD channels. Maybe I should have appreciated you more while I still had you? Still, you were a comforting presence and now you just stare at me blankly, flashing that number I can call to purchase you. I will not be beguiled! Nor will I be seduced. We had our time together and it was sweet but I have to move on.

God, when will the pain stop? It’s been a good hour or more yet I’m still stuck in that place, thinking about the past.