Check It Out:
We're Now on PATREON! Go There Now Also, I wrote a thing! Read It Now

Things one can be on

point

trend

message

base

drugs

a tear

a bender

a trampoline

a deserted island

a billboard

a harpoon

a pedestal

a boat

stage

a fast track to hell

a collision course

the road to hell

a suicide mission

a sun dappled beach surrounded by golden retriever puppies

“the rag” (women only)

deck (seafarers only)

the ball

a cracker

vacation

hiatus

a bed of arugula (fancy food only)

Share
  • Joe

    How about that old phrase “on a Hooded Merganser”? You know, like how people are always saying, “I feel like I’ve been on a Hooded Merganser all day”?

    OK, maybe I made that up. How about “on a slippery Axolotl”? You don’t know what an Axolotl is? Well for cryin’ out loud do a Google search, people. I didn’t wake up early to do your work for you!

  • I’m familiar with the myth of the slippery axoloti. Haunting!

  • TrappDog

    I’m on Facebook, and having a ridiculous exchange with someone from my school days. I suspect that one of us is as dumb as a rock. Be honest, is it me or her?

    Background: This girl was the Farrah Fawcett of our class. She traumatized me for life in the 5th grade, when she came up to me with her friends asking me to confirm that she and I were boyfriend/girlfriend in kindergarten, which was true (and the sex was awesome! I’m sorry..)

    So obviously, she was just being a show off, but I took it to mean that she liked me, so I later asked her out and got laughed at! I’ve seen her since, no hard feelings, and she’s now on FB and it looks like she’s divorced for the second time since she listed herself as single. Here’s the exchange:

    Me: Hi Karen, Thanks for friending me. I hope that everything is going great for you! You look as lovely as ever.

    Her: How are you? What new in the 30 years I haven’t seen you?

    Me:
    That question made me laugh. A lot happens in 30 years. I’ve decided my answer should be that I’m still here at the restaurant waiting for you to return from the ladies room! I have a house in Bethpage, still playing music, life is good. How about you? Last I saw you, you were in F’dale, and had a baby. You have 2 kids now?

    Her: What restaurant?

    Me: Let’s make it a really expensive one. Wait, am I crazy? But somewhere on the water would be nice. It’s been so long, I don’t even know where the good places are anymore. But your soup is getting cold.

    Her: What are you talking about??????? I thought you said last time we saw each otehr was at a restaurant…….

    Me: I’m just joking! I think the last time I saw you was at one of the Mill Road block parties.

    (She hasn’t responded since!)

  • Joe

    It’s no myth! How do you think I broke my coccyx? I didn’t even know I had a coccyx until I broke it. But I love saying the word…

    Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx.

  • Joe

    How about that old phrase “on a Hooded Merganser”? You know, like how people are always saying, “I feel like I've been on a Hooded Merganser all day”?

    OK, maybe I made that up. How about “on a slippery Axolotl”? You don't know what an Axolotl is? Well for cryin' out loud do a Google search, people. I didn't wake up early to do your work for you!

  • boinkity

    Stop it with the naughty words you … you… you naughty word sayer! Besides, you haven’t told Trappy if he is dumb or if his old kindergarten girlfriend is dumb. Trappy… I’m afraid you are the dumb one in this exchange of conversation. However, you are only dumb because you are using Alison type humor in your conversation, and it’s making you sound a little… confused… like those little old men who talk to themselves when they are standing in the women’s lingerie area at Walmart.

  • Joe

    Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx.

  • TrappDog

    OK, so I’m dumb, but it’s really Alison’s fault! I can live with that! Anyway, I was just making conversation. I wasn’t all that interested in her beyond friendship. Maybe that’s down the drain now too!

    More importantly, where were you on Sunday, Boink?

  • This is great and just confirmed that being laughed at was the best possible outcome of any possible relationship that would have lasted any longer than 15 minutes with this person.

  • TrappDog

    Thanks Tony!

  • So BOINK when Nevada was on ARIYNBF Sunday I wanted to send you a TWEET but couldn’t.

  • Careful Joe I think this is the same thing that got Senator Larry Craig in trouble.

  • I think a friendship is still possible, just use simple words, in fact skip conversation all together. Just use shinny objects. lol I’m sorry I’m being really bad.

  • This sucks! I have to happen by here to see if there is something new posted. Maybe I’m just too stupid to figure out how to subscribe to something so I can get e-mail notifications or something.

  • I'm familiar with the myth of the slippery axoloti. Haunting!

  • TrappDog

    I'm on Facebook, and having a ridiculous exchange with someone from my school days. I suspect that one of us is as dumb as a rock. Be honest, is it me or her?

    Background: This girl was the Farrah Fawcett of our class. She traumatized me for life in the 5th grade, when she came up to me with her friends asking me to confirm that she and I were boyfriend/girlfriend in kindergarten, which was true (and the sex was awesome! I'm sorry..)

    So obviously, she was just being a show off, but I took it to mean that she liked me, so I later asked her out and got laughed at! I've seen her since, no hard feelings, and she's now on FB and it looks like she's divorced for the second time since she listed herself as single. Here's the exchange:

    Me: Hi Karen, Thanks for friending me. I hope that everything is going great for you! You look as lovely as ever.

    Her: How are you? What new in the 30 years I haven't seen you?

    Me:
    That question made me laugh. A lot happens in 30 years. I've decided my answer should be that I'm still here at the restaurant waiting for you to return from the ladies room! I have a house in Bethpage, still playing music, life is good. How about you? Last I saw you, you were in F'dale, and had a baby. You have 2 kids now?

    Her: What restaurant?

    Me: Let's make it a really expensive one. Wait, am I crazy? But somewhere on the water would be nice. It's been so long, I don't even know where the good places are anymore. But your soup is getting cold.

    Her: What are you talking about??????? I thought you said last time we saw each otehr was at a restaurant…….

    Me: I'm just joking! I think the last time I saw you was at one of the Mill Road block parties.

    (She hasn't responded since!)

  • Joe

    It's no myth! How do you think I broke my coccyx? I didn't even know I had a coccyx until I broke it. But I love saying the word…

    Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx.

  • boinkity

    Stop it with the naughty words you … you… you naughty word sayer! Besides, you haven't told Trappy if he is dumb or if his old kindergarten girlfriend is dumb. Trappy… I'm afraid you are the dumb one in this exchange of conversation. However, you are only dumb because you are using Alison type humor in your conversation, and it's making you sound a little… confused… like those little old men who talk to themselves when they are standing in the women's lingerie area at Walmart.

  • Joe

    Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx. Coccyx.

  • TrappDog

    OK, so I'm dumb, but it's really Alison's fault! I can live with that! Anyway, I was just making conversation. I wasn't all that interested in her beyond friendship. Maybe that's down the drain now too!

    More importantly, where were you on Sunday, Boink?

  • This is great and just confirmed that being laughed at was the best possible outcome of any possible relationship that would have lasted any longer than 15 minutes with this person.

  • TrappDog

    Thanks Tony!

  • So BOINK when Nevada was on ARIYNBF Sunday I wanted to send you a TWEET but couldn't.

  • Careful Joe I think this is the same thing that got Senator Larry Craig in trouble.

  • I think a friendship is still possible, just use simple words, in fact skip conversation all together. Just use shinny objects. lol I'm sorry I'm being really bad.

  • This sucks! I have to happen by here to see if there is something new posted. Maybe I'm just too stupid to figure out how to subscribe to something so I can get e-mail notifications or something.

  • pauldpearl

    You left out some items:
    One can also be on
    Facebook
    Twitter
    (the above two could also be “on the internet”)
    The Toilet (also known as the can, the throne, the head, etc)
    Their High Horse, Their soap box. Also, there’s an interesting reverse list of what people are “off of” – such as “Off his meds” (I get that alot), their rocker, the mark, the wagon (ooh ooh, you can be “ON the wagon” too).

  • pauldpearl

    You left out some items:
    One can also be on
    Facebook
    Twitter
    (the above two could also be “on the internet”)
    The Toilet (also known as the can, the throne, the head, etc)
    Their High Horse, Their soap box. Also, there's an interesting reverse list of what people are “off of” – such as “Off his meds” (I get that alot), their rocker, the mark, the wagon (ooh ooh, you can be “ON the wagon” too).

Site: Todd Jackson | Art Direction: Josh Holtsclaw | Original Logo: Kezilla | Show Music: Tom Rapp