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I’ve had to memorize copious amounts of text in the last two days—text which I’ll likely forget just as soon as I regurgitate it in front of a camera—but when I say regurgitate I mean with passion and conviction, sort of like a really violent episode of food poisoning, but sexier, and anyway the point is that my brain is stuffed with all these words and I’m pretty sure some vital info may have been jettisoned in order to accommodate all the new paragraphs so if you see me wandering around confused, shaking my phone unsure how to answer it, pawing mutely at elevator doors, drooling in front of escalators, throwing my upper body at clothing in a vain attempt to put on my coat, just know that I can tell you a lot about about other stuff but that I don’t remember what a fork is or where I live.

Hey everyone. I have many important announcements.

1) Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was good save for the marshmallow disaster which I will surely tell you about one day over a warm mug of Postum or perhaps at our next slumber party.

2) Okay this next tidbit is going to hurt a little bit however because I’ll be aloft in an airplane tomorrow night there won’t be a Ustream show. I realize this is going to throw a monkeywrench into your Wednesday night. Blame the laws of physics, I know I do.

3) But wipe away your tears because perhaps I will reschedule that show as a surprise.

4) But it’s possible I won’t in which case the next show will be the following Wednesday and boy howdy, it’ll be a doozy. Seriously.

5) I think I’d be remiss if I didn’t make my somewhat predictable vacation apology for not writing more often. All sorts of merriment and whimsy has been happening around me, I mean, I’m practically Patient Zero for whimsical merrymaking and I’ve been tracking it on Twitter. I doubt anyone reading this isn’t following me on Twitter but if you aren’t, go check that action because there’s all sorts of delightful ephemera over there including photos. In other news, I know big words. So but anyway what I wanted to say was once I get back to New York I’ll be returning to the regularly scheduled pith and mirth you’ve grown accustomed to.

6) Anything else? Hm.

7) I guess not.

If the above doesn’t play, view it here.

Wondering more about the drama surrounding labeling? Here’s the backstory.

And since it came up in an earlier part of the show, here are some old photos.

If the video doesn’t play, go here to watch.

Here’s a story I worked on that’s running in today’s NY Post. It was as-told-to me. Read it and weep. Literally!

So a few days ago I went to look at my wikipedia entry, the creation of which I had nothing to do with but periodically I check for hacking, and discovered  it’s being considered for deletion. At first I was concerned as I was none too fond of the idea of literally being erased but then I decided that really I don’t care because there are 8 million things about me on the internet and I know I exist and this is pretty much out of my control. Plus, I have better things to do with my time than fight for something capricious and also, as I explained to my mom, I have a feeling if this page were to be erased a new one would crop up soon enough anyway since I actually do exist and I’m so notable that sometimes I feel intimidated in my own presence. “That’s OK, you can talk, go ahead,” I say gently to my own reflection. Then I yell jinx because we said it at the same time. Then we have a staring contest and ultimately make out.

So ANYWAY, I am sick right now and really I should be putting the finishing touches on my book proposal since I told the agent I thought I’d have it to her by last week and also, see above paragraph which I wrote after drunkenly reciting the serenity prayer.

BUT, want to know what I just did for the last hour or so? I google searched the living hell out of my name, not only my current name but also Alison M. Rosen and Alison Michelle Rosen which I used to go by, to try to find things which prove I exist and am notable. Is my legacy really going to be that I asked Mayor Koch if he’s gay and then he asked me a question about blow jobs? I think it’s possible.

In other news, I had a gay old time (poor choice of words) running errands earlier and took a couple photos which I twittered. Perhaps you’d like to see them…again? I think you would.

But I hardly know it!

Nature had a little too much to drink last night.

Oh and I think I’m doing Bill Schulz’s Strategy Room magazine show on Friday again. And my Ustream show on Wednesday. And I have a story in the NY Post on Sunday. See, I AM important. I AM I AM I AM!

Also  notable?  I changed my sheets this morning. Totally made an ill-fitting bottom sheet my bitch.