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Since this discussion on the show I look at crows and wonder why they’re just sitting there.

You’re watching Pearls and Nuggets of Adam Carolla’s Show – 01/31. 

Gather ye rosebuds, grapes!

Remember when we were talking about the boysenberry on the Adam Carolla Show and we discussed it being a cross between the raspberry, the loganberry and the blackberry and then I asked the tough question: “How do they even get the berries to have sex?” Clearly I’m some kind of genius.

Some would say I’m not in this photo

Some compelling behind-the-scenes scuttlebutt about what happens before the show? Larry Miller and I discussed sectional couches. Apparently he’s not really a sectional couch man. The conversation threatened to send me into couch hell but I held fast and gave him no indication of the couch neurosis I harbor within. And then on air I aired a couple of my grievances with one Adam Carolla. These are:

1) he decreed that I would never like a car guy

2) he didn’t bring me to the Dr. Drew interview

And then later Seth Macfarlane joined the show and I think I might love him in the same way I love Dr. Drew. I’m so slutty with my love.

Also, I’m looking for a news tagline along the lines of, “I’m Alison Rosen, and that’s your news,” or something. As you’ll hear, I brought this up on the show and Adam suggested one so I used it. But if you guys tweet me suggestions I’ll use a different one every night until we find one that sticks.

Also, also? A clip from the show will be on AOL every night! How exciting is that? It’s exciting. In the first one I don’t say much but wow, my nose is sure featured. And if you enjoy seeing the show this way, streaming video is going to be made available starting Jan 31 (for a subscription fee). What my family doesn’t know is I’m going to force them to watch every show and offer a running critique in real time. (Of Adam and Bryan. I’m perfect.)

In other news, and I should probably break this little section out because it’s kind of off topic, occasionally you have a thought so cliche you can barely stand thinking it. So lately things with the family health situation which some of you know about and some of you don’t have been a little extra stressful/poignant and I’m unfortunately kind of like a stress sponge when really I should be a stress sand dollar or stress mollusk or something a little less permeable and anyway I actually found myself thinking the other day that I wish the podcast never ended. I wish it was a 24 hour podcast because when I’m in that world it’s a fairly defined role and the rewards are great and I enjoy it versus real life which is all messy and confusing. The end.

Have I mentioned I now end uncomfortable thoughts with The End?

The End.

Also I never add the accent to the word cliche. How cliche.

The End.

When is the appropriate time to purchase pygmy marmosets? I’ve been waiting for over thirty years.

Alright so I just Adam Carolla’d up my web site. Too much? I don’t want to be that asshole who’s running around saying, “LOOK AT ME, I’M ON THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW!” however I received an email saying, “You should update your website,” and it was followed by a smiley. It looked like this: “You should update your website :)” and I’d be remiss if I just ignored it, smileyface and all.

In other news I think I just swallowed a bug. It was in my coffee. It may have just been some other type of non-insect clump. I really hope so.

with Anderson and Bald Bryan on The Film Vault

Also, I was on The Film vault and we talked chick flicks.

Also, did you hear the episodes of the ACS podcast I was on with Joel Stein and Patton Oswalt?

Also, just wanted to say also one more time.

But also last night I went to a party for the ACE network and I came home feeling so happy and lucky to be a part of this thing.

I brought Dustin, my friend who’s just a friend but whom no one thinks is just a friend. “Are you a car guy?” asked Adam. Dustin choked out some kind of star struck answer (sorry Dustin) involving the words “no” and “Sentra.” Then Adam said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Yeah, Alison wouldn’t like a car guy.” I don’t know what this means but I resent it highly and now I’m going to have to date ALL the car guys.

I covet the sombrero.

Last night’s Adam Carolla show was really fun even if the above thing kind of scares me owing to bozophobia (fear of clowns) which I’ve discussed on this blog but which is actually anthropofauxphobia, or fear of fake people which is another entirely made-up umbrella term which includes fear of dolls and mannequins and masks and whatnot.

It’s actually lessened in my old age and once I spent the night at a friend’s mom’s house in her doll room and didn’t even scream!

So I don’t want to give away too much of my own internal stuff especially since I know all about the “more mystery less history” credo but I will say that the Jan 5 show felt much better for me than the Jan 4 show because I think I was holding a lot of dos and donts in my head and just overthinking everything. Not to mention just getting warmed up and comfortable and finding my place. It occurs to me that if I don’t get the gig after writing this I will probably look like a giant asswipe for parsing it in this manner. And for using the word parse.

Anyway, last night felt effortless and was so much fun and the time zipped by.

Owing to all the fonduzzi and masturbation talk, there wasn’t much time to get to all the news. Also because I couldn’t shut up about rock tumblers and geodes.

Collecting dust for the past 25 or so years. I plan to use it any day now.

But we did discuss Snooki’s Hemingwayesque prose and Alec Baldwin’s potential political run. I also briefly touched on this iPhone alarm problem and Bald Bryan tried to be a one-upper by mentioning this. Good thing I ferociously called  him on it.

And Adam asked me if I would hook up with The Bieber but I thought he said The Beaver. Yes on both counts.

Rumored to be hooking up with Selena Gomez

Go here to listen and read more.

I’ll be doing the news and making random fart noises (note: no fart noises) on Adam Carolla’s podcast this week. I had a great time returning to the show last night and accidentally insulting TJ Miller. And for what it’s worth, I would never have a hot pink bathroom. Not even if it increased self-expansion or got me kicked out of a nursing program or sent me lewd texts. I’m just sayin’.

Go here to read more and to listen.

Is it too early for me to gripe? I don’t think so: Is there anything more annoying than when you’re trying to concentrate and someone tries to talk to you? Whenever I’m at the computer I feel like I’m trying to remember a number of things which may just be the effect of tabbed browsing and also my super high powered lightning quick brain (which can’t retain much) and then now that I’m living with eight hundred other human beings someone will come by and say hi in a very normal nice way and I will try my hardest to eke out the tiniest hello without losing whatever I’m trying to remember and without making them feel like an asshole for being friendly. Maybe I should do what everyone used to do at the magazine I worked for? Wear earphones that weren’t plugged in and greet any sort of intrusion with ferocious bitchiness? It’s a particular problem when trying to write any sort of blog post. Unlike writing a story or anything in a word document which feels linear in a way, writing a blog post always involves the feeling of juggling a bunch of balls. I don’t know why. That is all.