Perhaps you need your car washed or your lawn mowed or your kid babysat or your dinner cooked or your dog walked? While Ace* is in New York, Bryan and I will be doing odd jobs. Bid on us on eBay! Do it!
*I pretty much never call him that.
In other, unrelated news, it’s raining and water is coming in thru my front door. Perhaps I will drink it as I never turn down freshly strained door juice.
My boyfriend is a film nerd and as such he is always asking me if I’ve seen certain movies and then shaking his head and wondering why he asks when I inevitably tell him I haven’t. It’s not that I don’t like movies, it’s just that I don’t see very many of them and there are huge gaps in my viewing history. Look, you don’t get to be the kind of person who’s seen everyone episode of Facts of Life without sacrificing something and for me that was 1) seeing movies 2) a social life.
Actually it’s more like this: I have trouble voluntarily offering up two hours of my attention. I might need those two hours to think about something gnawing away at me or check twitter. It might be a control thing. I like to be able to control the flow of stimulation into my brain. And so then you’re probably thinking, fine, just watch movies at home, and sometimes I do but it’s just not the same.
All of that is beside the point though. The point is that every time we uncover another movie I haven’t seen we add it to the list of movies we will watch during our Movie Marathon. At this point the list is so long that if I plan to have children I better start watching five years ago.
And so occasionally I feel guilty if I watch a movie I’ve already seen or a movie which I know, going in, is a piece of crap. Not guilty because I demand better art for my eyeballs–they know the difference between quality and pablum, they just don’t seem to give enough of a fuck–but because it’s sort of akin to having 600 pounds of caviar in your freezer and deciding to eat plain ketchup instead. Or sardines. Or maybe some leftover wings. Or broken Triscuits. Or a Nerds Rope. I’ve spent too long on this analogy. Anyone?
For this reason we must never tell him that last night I watched this:
See what I mean?
While rummaging around my boyfriend’s freezer (for the body parts) I came across something which instantly brought me back to when I had my own freezer and lived like a true adult—a freezer having adult—as opposed to the lives-at-home-overgrown-baby-woman-child situation I now proudly find myself in. (But not for long, I just turned in an application on an apartment!) Anyway, what I came across which brought me back to my own days as a young man was this: a fuckload of ice trays. How does this happen? How is it that you either only have zero ice trays or 11? And that’s not even counting novelty seasonal ice cube trays of which I’ve had my share. Please share your theories in the comments. It’s time to get to the bottom of the tray hoarding. (For ARIYNBF fans, this is kind of a “Just Me Or Everyone?”)
Here is a little video:
Michael Narren, Adam Carolla’s longtime animator, sent me this. I’m in the first panel!
We’re newsworthy! I knew it!
Last night I had to take cough syrup and was reminded of the last time I took cough syrup.
Every now and again I have conversations with people who have refined taste in movies and I like to try to turn them on to some of my favorites which include Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas
So I was talking up Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas and then I went to look for the DVD and lo and behold I can find the case but not the DVD itself. Same thing with Lady and the Tramp. Have I been ripped off by a six year old? What the hell?
And then I was sitting here thinking about other movies I should be embarrassed to admit I like (but I’m NOT) and these include Touched By Love
Speaking of crap, Bald Bryan has a playlist on his ipod called “Tool Tunes” which is all the songs he’s embarrassed to own and it’s pretty aptly named. I’m surprised there weren’t any Hilary Duff songs on there. (I’m not sure there weren’t.) Anyway, that only tangentially relates.
Stay tuned for a gigantic blog post featuring pictures and detailing my adventures yesterday in San Diego.
Okay then.
So my parents were given this ladder thingie as a wedding gift and my sister and I grew up fearful of putting our entire weight on it but using it anyway and now that my sister is newly betrothed she has informed me that she would like one of these of her own. Anyone have any leads on sappy ladders? Granted I’ve done zero googling so for all I know they’re a thing and there are stores devoted to matrimonial ladders and divorce foot stools and annulment rappeling gear and trial separation escalators and save the date hydraulic lifts.
I updated the upcoming appearances page on this here web site. I am truly getting shit done today!
Also I’m writing something vaguely funny-ish which I was going to post here but then I realized it would work as an installment of my McSweeney’s column so I’m going to send it to them when I finish it. But I’m telling YOU about it so you can begin to carve out the many minutes it will take to read and enjoy it. Like, at least ten.
Also I turned down a job for which I would have had to fly across the country and miss an episode or two of the podcast. But it would have been some money. But I still didn’t feel right about missing work. I hope I made the right decision. I did, right? In my gut this decision felt right. This is me talking out loud.
This is me typing.
THIS IS ME TYPING IN ALL CAPS.
Ok, bye.