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I felt somewhat deeply uncool standing in front of this and taking a photo of it but I did it anyway. Also, they spelled Bryan’s name wrong but spelled mine correctly. He should prob just change the spelling of his name.

When Adam arrives at the studio to record the podcast he usually walks through the door, ear bud in ear and phone in hand and makes a beeline for either the table (where, if he’s not still on a call he puts his phone) or the coffeemaker. On the way he issues his standard greeting: “What’s goin’ on?” This is delivered while he’s on the move–at a ratio of about two What’s Goin’ Ons per every three people– and it’s a very low maintenance kind of greeting neither requiring nor prohibiting a response.

The problem comes when I am the only person in the general direction of said, “What’s goin’ on?” which for whatever reason I often am, probably because I’m usually loitering somewhere between the table and the coffeemaker. And though I want to respond, to indicate that I am a friendly human being and not some weird frigid mannequin, I just never quite eke out a reply in time. It’s as if this is conversational double dutch jump rope and the rope keeps going by and I just stand there watching and telling myself I’m about to jump in. Or as if I’m trying to mount a conversational escalator and I keep extending and then pulling my foot away at the last minute.

Anyway, here’s what happens: He says WGO at which point I find myself either 1)  pretending I didn’t hear while fixing my face into an awkward constipated looking half smile to indicate I’m fun-loving 2) looking askance and mumbling something which sounds like the beginning of an answer but which quickly morphs into something more like, “Humph! Mlerfff… [trails into indecipherable hissing sound]” or 3) jumping up and licking his face.

I’m tired of being cliche though! And so I ask you: What is the appropriate response to a semi-asked What’s Goin’ On? Mind you, this WGO is not the same as someone looking at you and saying, “Hey, how was your weekend?” which wouldn’t require any sort of assessment of whether they actually want a response. WGO is in between rhetorical and interrogative. It’s less than a, “How was your weekend?” and more than a “‘sup.” And yet to not answer at all makes me feel like I’m in a never-ending game of hide-and-seek and I’m the one hiding and the other person is just counting to infinity.

I mentioned this to a couple people at the studio last week, because that’s the kind of person I am, and Bald Bryan suggested the best answer is, “That is none of your business.” I do like its undeniable sassiness, however I worry it’s HIS answer and if I start using it Adam will know we sidekicks are organizing. (We’re forming Sidekicks Local 453. Don’t fuck with us.)

Matt who works on CarCast suggested the appropriate answer might be, “Stuff,” which is also good.

What’s goin’ on?

Stuff.

I do like it. But I think we can do better. Here are some options and then you tell me what you think I should go with (suggestions welcome)

Possible responses to, “What’s goin’ on?”

1) “What a week!” (downside: can only be used at end of week)

2) “What a weekend!” (downside: can only be used at beginning of week; could be met with a follow up question about the weekend, something probing like, “Really, what did you do?” and then where does that leave me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)

3) “What IS goin’ on?” (downside: I don’t see one)

4) “Exactly.” (downside: it really makes no sense)

5) “Hey, how are you?” (downside: extremely friendly and genuine. Blech!)

6) “Same shit, different day.” (downside: depressingly honest)

7) “Easy Pickles.”

Here are a few photos from the recent Sledgehammer Studio Hijack. It was a big fun event and The Dan Band performed and Patrick Warburton was a guest and I tried to conduct the asparagus experiment to no avail. Katie even got in on it. These shots were taken as we were getting ready to record the podcast.

Here I am wearing a coat and looking at something while Adam drinks wine. Note the way the Sledgehammer label is the same color as the couch. Crazy, right? I think it’s unintentional.  Photo by Robert Takata

Here  I am checking something on the iPad like a news story or my lipstick.  Photo by Robert Takata

Here I am at the Grand Canyon with my best gal pals. They wanted to do the Charlie’s Angels pose which I reluctantly agreed to but inside I was all, “This again???????” Later we drove into a cactus. Photo by Robert Takata

The book on the left is one I found at the house where I’m house and dogsitting this week. The one on the right is a gift from Dustin. A funny side note: Last night I tweeted a photo of the fart book with the caption, “A belated Christmas gift from Dustin!” but the photo had Charlie the dog in it and most people assumed I was saying a dog was the gift from Dustin. They also assumed it was a yellow lab and possibly it was Molly (Adam Carolla’s dog) which makes no sense as it’s Charlie, a white pug/shitzu/Japense chin/I’m not sure/mutt rescue/small dog and to which I ask, what would the fart book be doing in the foreground of the photo if that were the case?

Also, I have a lot of other news and thoughts and things which I should probably blog so as to get them out of my head to leave more room for some philosophy ideas from the book on the left and some names of farts from the book on the right. A quick update which has nothing to do with the preceding sentence, I recorded some stuff for E! over the summer which I thought was only airing internationally (like all the porn I’ve done)(I haven’t done any porn) but people have been telling me they’ve seen me on E! to which I usually think, “Thanks but I think you’re thinking of the BIO channel,” but then I checked and the shows are airing. I think one of them, Movie Stars: Then and Now is on tomorrow at ten. I haven’t seen it yet and I may have been terrible.

Also, the fart book has sound effects!

Also, fuck daylight savings.