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The Dustin Quiz… Plus Controversial Cat Chat!

How well do Alison and the Thursday gang (Jenna Kim JonesAllan MossGreg HellerDaniel Quantz and Jeff Fox) know Dustin Goot? Find out in this episode. Plus wedding vendor vendettas, an intense and heated discussion of how Jeff and Greg feel about everyone else’s feelings about cats, hot cereal talk, urinal chatter and more.  Plus we did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.

Download the episode from iTunes.

OH HEY GET A T-SHIRT, WON’T YOU?

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY and #AL QUIZ ringtones/singles now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Blue Apron.  And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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The Jordan Quiz (Plus Gross Chips and Alison's Tears)

Special guest Jordan Morris is back and he’s brought a quiz. How well do Alison and the Thursday gang (Jenna Kim JonesAllan MossDaniel Quantz and Jeff Fox) know Jordan? Also where in the world is Greg Heller? Plus Alison’s licking disgusting lamb flavored chips and crying in the recovery room, Jenna has pregnancy brain, we’re over Vine, everyone’s unwrapping cinnamon roles and we’re talking ear wax. Plus we did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.

A note about this episode (a #FERTALERT): A day after recording, Alison found out that the egg she was told had a “very low” chance of fertilizing actually DID fertilize overnight and now she and Daniel are happy to say they have another high quality embryo. This will only make sense if you listen to the episode and/or are Alison’s doctor.

Download the episode from iTunes.

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY and #AL QUIZ ringtones/singles now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Naturebox and Blue Apron.  And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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Mary Katharine Ham Returns, Again!

Mary Katharine Ham makes her triumphant third appearance on Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend to talk about her new book End of Discussion (recently featured in The New Yorker), her co-author Guy Benson who came out in a footnote in the book, fighting with Bill O’Reilly, Joan Rivers, free speech, religious freedom, babies, “homocons,” Greg Gutfeld’s height, left vs. right, guns, women shooting guns, drugs and so much more. Plus we took your questions over twitter and did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.

Download the episode from iTunes.

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY and #AL QUIZ ringtones/singles now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Blinds.com.  And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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Kevin Pereira Returns

Kevin Pereira returns to Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend to talk about dark thoughts, Hack My Life, hidden camera shoots, MDMA and responsible drug use, growing up in an emotionally abusive home, being desensitized to violence, Twitch, empathy, Christian Science vs. Scientology, relationships and so much more. Plus we took your questions over twitter and did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.

Download the episode from iTunes.

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY and #AL QUIZ ringtones/singles now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Casper.  And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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How I Feel at this Point in the IVF Cycle

I’m now at the point of the IVF cycle where I wake up wanting to punch something. It’s like my PMS has PMS only it isn’t PMS it’s a shitload of injectable hormones coursing through my system making me super irritable. I can sense people fidgeting in other rooms and I WOULD LIKE THEM TO STOP RIGHT NOW.

You, with your leg bouncing up and down making that squeaky sound. JUST STOP.

And the clock in my bathroom, ticking. Is it always this loud? It’s all very Edgar Allan Poe.

Someone just honked. I hate that person.

And my dog with her breathing. Actually, she gets a pass.

My stomach just growled or gurgled and it was deafening.

OH THAT INFERNAL TICKING. I have half a mind to march in there and yank out that double AA.

The real kick in the pantaloons is I’m trying to stay calm and relaxed because I think everything works better if you’re calm and relaxed however yesterday my anxiety and frustration began ratcheting up and today it is off the charts.

And the thing with hormones is you can’t be SURE that’s why you’re feeling so easily agitated. Maybe everyone really is being a fucknut and clocks are ticking loudly and nothing’s going right and no one cares and everyone’s ignoring you and THINGS ARE SUPER FUCKED. Probably not, but maybe.

Yesterday I began crying at the fertility clinic and I’m kind of surprised it’s taken me this long to lose my composure there considering the nature of infertility and all the hormones and the clinic’s insistence on early morning appointments and my not being a morning person.

So I trudged in there with my very little buffer yesterday and found out that even though everything looked really promising this month (it varies monthly and if things don’t look promising they will make you come back the following month instead of trying to do a cycle of IVF on a month where it won’t be effective. This has happened to me repeatedly and sometimes it’s a relief because I feel like I need a break and sometimes I just feel disheartened and as if I’m losing time), and even though my labs were excellent, like better than they’ve ever been, and even though I’m now on day 7 of jamming needles full of drugs into my stomach, and even though I’ve been feeling so positive about this cycle and so in tune with my body in a way I never have before to the extent that I thought I’d turned a corner and worked through whatever was holding me back prior to now and here we go, now my body will respond to the medication like most women respond and I can be like everyone else who does IVF and finally I’ll produce a bunch of eggs, enough that they can sort through them and find the good ones and we can create a real family with more than one kid instead of me being this weird outlier who for whatever undetermined reason isn’t pushing out many eggs (one in five eggs are good however I’m producing fewer than 5 eggs a cycle which means the road ahead is long and hard) and isn’t really responding to the drugs, um, this sentence has turned into a word labyrinth and I can’t find my way out.

Or maybe it’s turned into a corn maze of words? I could go either way.

Anyway, I guess it’s kind of silly to think just modifying my lifestyle a bit (working out more, changing my diet, meditating, getting massages which is as close to acupuncture as I can get presently because it scares me) would change something so fundamental inside me. And yet I kind of got into a magical thinking trap.

I’ve seen people close to me do this: blame themselves when their physical ailments or illnesses don’t abate despite a lot of mental work. And it always breaks my heart because it’s like, life is already piling on and now you’re kicking yourself too?

But for the short time when I thought that somehow I’d righted this ship by trying to take control of my mood and thoughts and “energy” and all that, I felt so empowered. And to fall back into what is probably the truth: that it’s capricious and random and out of my control, feels more scary than liberating.

Aaaand I’m realizing I never finished my thought above which is that I found out yesterday that my right ovary is “sleeping,” meaning it isn’t responding to the medications. My left is producing a few eggs which is good and which means all hope for this cycle isn’t lost, I just thought I was clearing the finish line and instead I’m in the dugout. (That’s the correct sports metaphor, right? I AM JOKING.)

And I know I said my goal was to be not tethered to the outcome. To live my life and do everything I can to get pregnant but not to be so hung up on if it’s working because it’s out of my control and etc. But things were looking so good that I allowed myself to really get my hopes up even though I wasn’t aware at the time that’s what I was doing.

But really, if I’m being honest which I am, this is partly about having a baby and partly about feeling like a weirdo outlier like I suggested earlier. It’s about feeling like I’m running in a race with all these swift, able bodied people but I’m lame and misshapen and my body just isn’t working like it’s supposed to. And I realize there are a thousand judgments and distortions in that sentence but it’s kicking around my brain and probably napping on my sleeping ovary.

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Jim Florentine Returns

Jim Florentine returns to Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend to talk about hiring a private investigator to find out what was going on in his marriage, being typecast as the “jerk boyfriend” in movies and TV shows, Trainwreck, grieving, Florentine justice, upper decking, his relationship with Robin Quivers, Howard Stern Show, Anthony Cumia, working with Louis CK, joint custody and so much more. Plus we took your questions over twitter and did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.

Download the episode from iTunes.

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY ringtones now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Blue Apron.  And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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Sarah Colonna Returns

Sarah Colonna returns to Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend to talk about her new book Has Anyone Seen My Pants? We also chat about how she met her fiance, feeling comfortable with your age, doing a commercial with Candice Bergen, spending thousands on a hookup, dating an athlete, vacationing with Jen Kirkman, hating winter, toxic friendships and so much more. Plus we took your questions over twitter and did a round of Just Me Or Everyone.

Download the episode from iTunes.

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY ringtones now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Audible.  And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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Jenna's Diet Coke Test (Plus Alison Gets Called Out for Un-Careful Texting)

Jenna Kim Jones talks a good game about being able to identify her favorite beverage—”fresh” diet coke from McDonald’s—but can she really tell the difference between “fresh” and canned? Find out! Plus on this episode AlisonGreg HellerDaniel QuantzJenna Kim Jones and Jeff Fox talk about salons, guacamole, walking and texting, Alison’s ongoing fitness situation, deleted tweets, kid things and so much more. Plus we did a round of Just Me Or Everyone (click here to see the JMOEs from this episode).

Download the episode from iTunes.

HOT SUMMER JAMS ALERT: The HGFY and TOUCH THE TUSHY ringtones now available for all platforms!!! Go to Gumroad.com/alisonrosen.

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Blue Apron and Blinds.com And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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Erotic Restaurants, More Hot Budgeting, Al’s Dream Cheating

Alison is joined by Greg HellerJeff Fox, Daniel QuantzJenna Kim Jones and Allan Moss for a discussion of romantic confusion, saying “Adolph” at the Coors Factory, maternity pants, Al’s dream cheating, cats, budgets and so much more. We also did a round of Just Me Or Everyone (click here to see the JMOEs from this episode).

Download the episode from iTunes.

And guess what? The HGFY ringtone is now available!! Hooray! Search HEY GO FUCK YOURSELF in the itunes store!

Also, our live podfest ep with Doug Benson and Matt Costa is now available!

Wondering how to contact the show and submit your Just Me Or Everyone?

This show is brought to you by Amazon (clear your cookies first and what the hell, make a bookmark!) and Next Issue and Me Undies. And shop in my Amazon store!

Credits? We have some!

Executive producer: Alison Rosen

Producer: Jeff Fox

Music: Trapp Dog Tom Rapp

Logo: Kezilla

follow @alisonrosen and @ariynbf for updates. Don’t use iTunes? Subscribe to the show’s RSS feed.

ALSO ALSO: like us on Facebook!

And read Alison’s new column!

And  read this review of ARIYNBFand read this article about ARIYNBF and buy the live episode from podfest.

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Everyone Does IVF

Yesterday Daniel and I were walking Wendy, trying to take her to more heavily populated areas because we’re trying to train her to be less of a maniac around humans who aren’t us and as we were headed home we ran into one of Daniel’s friends. It had been a few years since they’d seen each other and the guy was with his clearly pregnant wife.

We caught up, discussed career and homes and “have you talked to this person?” type-stuff and as it was going on I was thinking that I probably wouldn’t bring up the fact that we’re doing IVF. I just didn’t want to take anything away from her pregnancy and didn’t want to make her feel weird around me and I think there’s just something intrinsic in my female core that knows there’s cultural discomfort around the woman who wants a child but who is having trouble having a child and not only do I not want pity, I just would rather keep the focus on her news which is happy as opposed to mine which is complicated and awkward.

I am very open about our struggle with infertility—too open, many rooms full of men might say—but the one situation where I don’t immediately trot it out is when someone else is pregnant.

As I was thinking this, sure that not bringing it up was the right move, I heard Daniel say, “We just started IVF.”

There are times when marriage truly feels like a commingling of spirits, like you are two halves of the same whole, like you complete each other and are one heart in two bodies (which suggests you each have half a heart. How is that a good thing?) and you wonder how you existed so long without this other person who knows you so intimately it’s as if you communicate without speaking.

And then there are other times where you feel like what you are, two strangers who share a bathroom, use each other as their emergency contact, truly hope the best for one another, respect each other enough to both set an alarm when one has to be up super early which means two people are waking up every ten minutes while one of you hits snooze repeatedly and who often have a hunch about how the other feels but who don’t know for sure until you ask.

“If she guesses Moonrise Kingdom I’ll believe in telepathy,” Daniel told me he thought recently, as I guested on the Doug Loves Movies podcast. The game was to name as many Bruce Willis movies as possible and I was struggling. Daniel was in the live audience thinking the name over and over. Focusing on it, visualizing it, trying to send it to me with the power of his mind.

K-9?” I blurted out.

“The old Jim Belushi movie?” Doug asked incredulously.

“Yep!” I laughed as if maybe I’d been saying it as a joke.

Anyway, back to yesterday, before I had a chance to shoot a look at Daniel I heard the couple say they’d also done IVF. “Oh! What clinic do you go to?” I asked.

Turns out we go to the same clinic.

This is what I meant when I said, on a recent podcast, that ever since I’ve entered into the world of infertility, where I’m open about it and people are open about it with me, I feel as if it’s so much more common than you think. And so, as I explained on the podcast, I was briefly pulled out of this mindset when my good friend and fellow podcaster Jenna Kim Jones announced her pregnancy, which she achieved naturally, and which was a reminder that some people actually get pregnant naturally and easily and without spending enormous amounts of money and time and that also, though it’s become normal to me, there is a problem here and there is something a little broken about my lady bits and it shouldn’t have to be this way.

But then yesterday happened and now I’m thinking maybe I was right all along, that most of the kids in Los Angeles are conceived through IVF and that the reason everyone I know goes to the same clinic is because everyone does IVF, they just aren’t always open about it.

I just hope Jenna doesn’t feel alone. Everyone has their own pregnancy story and her way is just as valid, if a little less talked about.

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