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Just wanted to say thanks for all the thoughtful comments. I appreciate it. You guys are great.

So usually I use this space for writing funny lists and being intentionally obnoxious but I found out this morning that my best friend growing up died in a skydiving accident. My first thought was “I will be ok,” which perhaps sounds selfish, except I lost someone close to me ten years ago and it completely upended my life (in certain ways it still has) and so I think the first thought was a reflexive self-preservation sort of reassurance. Like “Don’t worry, it’s not happening all over again.” Except if I remember correctly, which I do, my first thought when anyone close to me dies is “you’re ok, you’re ok, you’re ok” which I’m beginning more and more to think is strictly reflex and I realize I’m now going in thought circles. Like my brain is assessing the damage: you’re still breathing. Also, it’s probably akin to denial. Like “this isn’t happening this isn’t happening this isn’t happening.”

Because the truth is that I don’t really feel ok. Not at all.

And I’m confused too and unsure what to do with grief/mourning/loss of someone who wasn’t a part of your daily life. I mean, one one level, the main level, it’s just fucking sad. She was young and young people shouldn’t die, certainly not in freak accidents like this. And then on another level, the me level, I don’t know what to do with this other than cry, which I’m doing now.

As I'm all class, I have fake Ikea flowers in a vase in my apt. I'm going to take a bold step tonight, since I'm having a couple people over, and cut off the tags.

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I still don’t quite understand how it happened. One minute I was eating salad, next minute it was all over my keyboard and a little bit was on my floor. And honestly, I think I was more disappointed over the loss of salad than the potential keyboard destruction but that’s probably because I got this keyboard from the IT dept at Time Out New York. They have (or had) baskets of old banged up keyboards that you can take for free. I played with each one making sure it was lively and social. There was one that I thought I wanted but the minute I got on the ground with it it just fell asleep. Then this little guy came up to me and pushed its N key against my hand. Spunky! We took to each other instantly. “I’m going to take you home and put salad all over you!” I announced, and that was that.

In times of stress I like to google myself. Also in times of joy and sometimes just when I’m bored. Well anyway, I just found this though it’s from Sept. My McSweeney’s list of pick up lines to use while moving is linked here.

http://laughlines.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/26/a-list-of-lists/

Bill, Anna and Dr. Baden who totally complimented my earrings a few weeks ago. The man appreciates smart accessories.
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Anna, upon seeing shot: "Well that's very telling." Later I shot a similar video. Apparently I only have eyes for me.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

This must be what they use to literally grease the tracks.

I’m certainly not the first to comment on it, but this website is funny:

FuckYeahRyanGosling