Enjoy the shaky camera angles and extra thick makeup, won’t you? Probably not actually, because there are some unintentional shots of the ceiling tiles in here. It’s almost as if I checked my watch while holding the camera, which I very well may have. So consider yourself warned: unpleasant viewing experience ahead!
Archive | Red Eye
Vlog about books and strippers
Clips from Friday night's Red Eye
Thanks to Joe McDonald for making this video!
More photos from Red Eye last night
Here’s where I made this thoughtful face.
And then here’s where I smiled in a way that looks nothing like me to me.
And then here’s where I said I tested positive for Stockholm Syndrome but had gone on to lead a rich and rewarding life. (The truth is that I had to get a mole removed but Stockholm Syndrome was the only thing insurance would cover!)
And then here’s where I said something else.
And then something else. Not sure what but pretty sure it was brilliant.
And then here’s where I was about to say something amazing.
And then here’s where I said something that made everyone start clapping and crying.
And then here’s where I ate my upper lip.
Q&A Vlog, Feb 27
a couple green room shots
“We look like bobble head dolls,” said Josh. Well, maybe he actually only said he did but I do too here. I didn’t realize I had the bobble head filter on. Also, this is the same green room as Geraldo uses. Did I mention I was on Geraldo? A bunch of times? (Not on the show a bunch of times, but mention it a bunch of times?). Why just tonight when Patty Ann Browne asked what I did for the Oscars, I said: “Geraldo!” Then I puffed up in a self-important fashion while Greg made an off-color joke. Also of note is the way this green room’s walls are actually green. How cliché.
New Red Eye dates posted
New Red Eye dates posted in the upcoming appearances section. Where is that, you ask? Ok, warmer, you’re warmer, you’re… colder. Brr, freezing! I’ve got hypothermia over here. I’m getting so sleepy.
Oh wait, I’m thawing out, ok I have feeling back in my toes, ok warmer, warmer, hot! You are hot! Burning up! Nearly vaporized!
(that’s what I would be saying if you looked over on the right sidebar and then scrolled down)
I'm on Red Eye on Monday–wait, no I'm not.
Remember how I was going to be on Red Eye tonight? Well shit happens, things change, people disappoint you. I mean, grow up, you babies. What, you think I can spoon feed you air dates forever? I have to go to France to find myself! Maybe I’ll grow my hair out and burn my bra and burn the turnips I’ve been making for supper every single night since the great turnip famine. Maybe I don’t even know HOW I like my turnips. Maybe I never stopped to think IF I like turnips. Maybe I’ll get my ears pierced and not just one hole in each ear but two! I’m telling you, I’m CRAYZEE like that and I might just do it. I would need to pass it by your father and my pastor first, but then I totally might get genuine diamanelle studs in each ear, twice. But what will the women at the auxiliary club think? They just know me as Helen. Trusty ol‘ Helen who makes turnips and fudge and doesn’t have extramarital affairs or pierced ears.
Who said anything about an extramarital affair? Is it getting hot in here? I have to go check on my turnips before Ned and the kids get home. Ned’s indigestion has been pretty bad lately and Lewis entered his solar system in the science fair and I do hope he got at least a ribbon. I stayed up half the night painting Uranus.
Oh, just out of plaster of Paris and acrylic tempura paints.
At the start of this email I was going to tell you how I was rescheduled for Monday but in the course of writing it I found out there was a bit of booking confusion and so I’m not on Monday but will be on next week. I feel the not Monday thing isn’t certain though. So we’ll see.
Video of me being interviewed on the radio
This is very me looking at you looking at me looking at you, which seems to be a theme on this blog lately as I encounter more and more people willing to publicly adore me. Come into the light, lovers of me! Make no mistake people, I adore being adored. Anyway, St. Louis not only loves me, but filmed themselves doing so.
That sounds wrong. But also right.