…way too much about Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. He’s just so sage and knowing. And calm and serene. I interviewed him once. It was him and Adam Corolla. It was at the MTV Music Awards in 1997, back when I was 14. (Did I mention I’m 24? Because I’m not.) They were joking about Madonna’s sudden British accent. Maybe it was 1998? Anyway, the point is that I hope Jeff Conway pulls through! Also, I search longingly through my DVR’s “search by title” function for new episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The title is my go-to joke when I need to make fun of silly reality shows, which apparently is often, but between you and me there is nothing joking about my strange obsession with the show. I think it was from watching with bewildered curiosity the episode “Dude you’re so pregnant” or whatever it was called. That guy that she almost married–such insouciant douchiness! And those cute puppies! And the way Bruce Jenner always looks taken aback because his face has been pulled into a permanent expression of surprise. What does insouciant mean? That’s one of those words I repeatedly look up and forget. My brain refuses to latch on.

Also, my friend Rob got a dog. Rob and I were talking to each other recently at a party about how we both want to get dogs and are dangerously close to it and then he off and did it! The same dog he was talking about at the party that he’d seen on the internet! He is my hero for he is brave and not afraid to get a dog. Not that there’s anything lacking in my relationship with Fred The Jade Plant though, because I experienced something close to vegetable nirvana earlier.