Still at the gym where I’m thinking about reality television, more specifically my unironically beloved keeping Up With The Kardashians and I have to say that it’s weird to me how much the sister fued chronicled in the last two episodes really stirred up my own emotions. Did I ever tell you that my own sister and I once went to couples counseling? It didn’t work unfortunately, she just couldn’t get past the fact that were related, and no matter how many times I tried to explain that our shared background was a plus, not a minus, she just couldn’t. Said she thought of me like a brother. But I don’t see it as a failure of the psychiatric community. Nay! On the contrary I really feel like we got to know ourselves from the experience and think we’re only stronger. But really, I found the kardashians resonating on a level deeper than I would have liked and I may have squeezed out a few sympathy tears along with kim which surprised me. I was thinking about when you get to that point, or someone gets to it with you where the empathy just dries up and they’re clearly going through something or they think they are and all you can do is laugh because it doesn’t seem authentic to you. Or because you’re so hurt you feel like until they understand you, you won’t try to understand them. You know? No! Okay nevermind. But I do wish khloe had sounded a little more compassionate on her message to kim before kim pulled the storm out psych out maneuver which I thought was some grade A malarkey. And what was with her makeup being off and on and off and on? First I thought they must not have brought their makeup artist to colorado, but apparently he flew in between the crying jag and kim going in the hot tub.

I take no responsibility for this post. My blackberry seems to have fallen into the hands of a fourteen year old girl. Please forgive her. She’s easily exciteable because she just got braces tightened.

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Well here I am at the gym again. After seeing myself on tv this morning I decided to spend the next two to three decades here. It’s a little gift I’m giving to humanity. At this rate, when I get out in two to three decades I’ll be able to hit on hot fifty year olds. I like ’em young. Seriously though, wow. Wow did I not love how I looked. I feel like I’ve been able to get away with not looking like everyone else on tv for quite awhile but this morning it hit me that I really need to go blonde. That’s what I’ve been talking about this whole time. What did you think I was talking about? Don’t be silly! And I think my favorite moment in our hard hitting political discussion was when I admitted I like bosom buddies.. Um, what else. Well I’m currently exercising in the residue of this morning’s heavy spackling (I tried to wash it off but there’s only so much you can do yourself. I plan to walk myself through a car wash later and then give myself a flea dip. I might get neutered too, cuz what the hell. Scratch me?) Um, yeah, that was awkward! Jeez, now I feel weird. Right so what I was trying to say is that I’m soon to be sweating in a light film of makeup which means I’ll be breaking out soon. Care to date me? I’m getting neutered at eleven, so let me know soon.

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I’m at the gym still. I’ve been on this bike for thirty six minutes and five, oh, wait eighteen seconds. That just goes to show you how slowly I’m typing. I’m pedaling faster than I’m typing but slower than in a cartoon where a character winds up his feet and then shoots forward. I guess that’s kinda obvious though. Were I pedaling that fast I’d probably go shooting through this mirror here and end up sitting on some man’s shoulder press, or in some other dimension. I’m not sure what kind of mirror I’m dealing with here: reflective or portal to another galaxy. The important thing is that if I went through it I’d leave a super hot and toned outline of my unbelievable body. Some kind of supermodel went crashing through this, they’d say. We’re looking for the lithe body of someone involved in a gym accident. All we know is that she had incredible form and her sweat smelled like ambrosia. Also, birds tended to perch on her shoulders while she was biking. Occasionally they’d help with her sewing. She favored gauzy fabrics. Sometimes she’d set her homemade pies to cool on the handlebars.

God, I know it’s kind of weird but I miss myself already! I just hope wherever I am they have wifi. And coffee. And showers, because I didn’t get a chance to take one before teleporting and my hair seems to have lost some of its usual bounce and sheen. I was planning on pumping up its volume later.

If you’re just now starting to read my blog, you’re probably concerned for my sanity. Fear not. I have a tinfoil hat which protects me. It’s a tinfoil fez actually. Like I’d be caught in some kind of tinfoil sombrero. Puhleeze!

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Well here I am at the gym. I can’t even say what I’m working on because I’m working on not falling asleep. I’ve never encountered so much difficulty getting out the door. My eyes are rejecting being open and my body is rejwecting being upright. It gives my face the scrunched up pained expression you’d see on a newborn baby with a hangover, except I’m not hungover. I’m so tired that if there was a coffin next to me that was open, empty and had a pillow in it and also didn’t smell, I would consider climbing in and taking a nap. That’s not a cry for help. Um, I don’t really know why I feel this way since I got a decent amount of sleep last night. The only other time I felt like this was when my sister and I went to france before she studied abroad in italy. We have pictures of me sleeping in a variety of locations. Just resting my eyes really. Well actually there are some of me all dressed up to go out, asleep. I remember her constant refrain: ‘don’t sleep on public tranportation.’ Anyway, then I got the flu or laryngitis or something but then I was okay and then she and her friend who we’d scooped up along the way also came down with it and they were more tired than they’d ever been in their lives and boy did I laugh long and hard at that point. Not that they heard me though, they were asleep. I did what was only fair, took photos of them dressed up to go out, napping. Anyway, that’s how tired I feel today and its not a mental sluggishness but a physical one. I wonder if I could sleep on this bike? I’m tempted to try. Not sleep, just rest my eyes. Let’s see. Here I go. Twenty five seconds passed. Ugh! Today is not not sucking so far.

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