When you find yourself thinking, “Instead of doing any work today… maybe I’ll just watch The Muppet Movie.”
a) I don’t even own The Muppet Movie
b) I’m not some crazed muppets fan, lest you get the wrong idea
c) see, I was looking at the wikipedia page for Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas, because, well, I forget what exactly I was trying to find. I was in one of those internet K holes
d) and that’s when the thought occurred to me: The Muppet Movie
e) but I mean, it’s ludicrous because were I to forgo productivity for muppets, clearly I’d want to watch The Great Muppet Caper or Muppets Take Manhattan
f) forgo is not spelled forego. I just learned that thanks to dynamic spellcheck
g) isn’t dynamic a bit hyperbolic? interesting, sure. but I wouldn’t say dynamic
h) “dynamic skiing!” that’s what this ski instructor who gave my sister and me ski lessons used to say is what we were going to achieve if we kept up with various embarrassing exercises and mantras. the exercises were things like, on the chair lift, holding your legs straight out and then turning your skis to the left and then to the right. the mantras were things like “hug the mountain” which is what you’re supposed to do on your way down to keep your upper body in the right position
i) I misunderstood though and was arrested
j) the mountain was asking for it
k) unbelievable moguls. curves that went for miles.
l) would I do it all over again? hell yes!
m) throw the book at me, lock me up forever, do what you will, I don’t care, that mountain and I are IN LOVE and maybe we can’t be together in this lifetime, but somewhere, somehow, I will be Mrs. “Ed’s Shortcut.”
n) I feel a little nauseous
o) maybe it’s this “moose crunch” flavored coffee which was a gift and which doesn’t even taste like moose
p) oh, in the comments, someone pointed out that I’m often seen on TV with an Au Bon Pain cup. Those are the cups they have at Fox in all the green rooms. Plus the yellow of the cup brings out the gold flecks in my eyes.
q) some shows don’t want the cups visible, others are more laissez faire about it all
r) one time I showed up in a dress made entirely of Au Bon Pain cups
s) thank God it wasn’t raining that day or else I probably wouldn’t have been able to move. I would just been stuck there, like a creature in a tar pit of my own making
