Blog | Alison Rosen

Judge me not

By Alison Rosen on November 2, 2008 in couches

Readers, I’m about to do something rash. I’m going to a Laz-Y-Boy Furniture Gallery. In the same way that a soon-to-be married person might need one more night at a strip club, I need to see what’s out there one last time before I settle on the Crate and Barrel couch. See, even my language is troubling. Settle? Am I settling on the couch? Shouldn’t I wait to find the couch that’s going to sweep me off my feet and make me feel alive and inspire me to greatness? Is that couch even out there?

That’s why I need to sow my upholstery oats, even if my mind is already 99 percent made up.

Crapload of screen grabs? But of course!

By Alison Rosen on November 1, 2008 in photos from TV, Red Eye

Here’s where I explained that the reason you need a gun in this economy is so you can exercise your constitutional right to shoot anyone who may be trying to repossess your car.

And then here’s where I apparently was holding the mic cord.

And then I was going to say that here’s where I killed time during an intro because it’s tough to figure out what to do during the intro however the lower third (that’s fancy TV talk for the words on the screen) make me realize that this is actually where I said that Halloween is fattening and scary and so I hate it. Wait, actually I think I said that later.

And then here’s where I was like “I’m too beautiful to be all covered up by words. I demand you un-word me!” and so they did.

Wherein I talk about my hair for far too long

By Alison Rosen on October 30, 2008 in haircuts, vlogs

When $17,999 burns a hole in your pocket

By Alison Rosen on October 30, 2008 in Uncategorized

Are you a complete douche? Let the world know with this:

http://www.eaccess-estore.com/store/catalog.asp?item=2096

I have not forgotten about you

By Alison Rosen on October 29, 2008 in nuts

Readers, hello! New York is cold as nuts and it’s not the weather I’m talking about, it’s the way I haven’t written anything on this blog today which has left you feeling out-of-sorts and dare I say, bereft. I do, I do dare say it. I dared it and said it and now I have to move on. Too much wallowing.

I should go to sleep which I planned to do 37 minutes ago but it took me 37 minutes to figure out what New York is as cold as. Nuts? It doesn’t even make sense unless you keep your nuts in the freezer.

I don’t though. I put them under my pillow so I can have crunchy dreams. I also shove shellfish, soy and traces of chocolate under there as a precautionary measure in case anyone with food allergies tries to attack me in my sleep.

When it comes to social interactions

By Alison Rosen on October 28, 2008 in being graceful, comedy, god I love me, if I drew cartoons, name dropping, Red Eye, weird food

When it comes to social interactions I prefer to have them with a mic in my hand or a camera in my face. Tonight I mixed with people unknown to me without all that though. Just me, my bongos and a bottle of Wild Turkey. Minus the bongos and Wild Turkey.

I went to a party with Red Eye pal John Roy where I met a guy (funny comedian Pete Holmes) who draws actual cartoons for the New Yorker. I got all excited and tried to explain that I draw fake cartoons for the New Yorker but I don’t draw them, I just think them up, and I never send them in because it’s not about that. I think he was suitably impressed. Then I mentioned that some of my fans have actually drawn them but what I really meant to say was, “Did I mention I have fans?”

And then I had a horribly awkward exchange with a woman by the crudite, but it’s late and I’m too tired to write it out. Perhaps tomorrow, my dears. It involves slippery bell peppers and tongs.

Thank you, Paul!

By Alison Rosen on October 28, 2008 in fan mail, hey look it’s me TWO AND A HALF YEARS AGO, ME, photos, photos from TV

Interested in seeing many photos of me, some I hadn’t even seen before, set to music? Of course I am. I mean, of course you are. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1jZ-DMa3o0

I'm terrible with spatial relations

By Alison Rosen on October 27, 2008 in angles, couches

But this is sort of fun: http://woodgears.ca/eyeball/index.html

This just in: I'm on Red Eye tonight!

By Alison Rosen on October 27, 2008 in couches, Red Eye

Could your Monday night/Tuesday morning have gotten any better? I think not.

Here’s a picture of a peaceful looking bedroom to enjoy while you ponder how awesome this is. I found it here.

I'm top chef!

By Alison Rosen on October 26, 2008 in Uncategorized

Cab Driver: So are you married, miss?
Me: Nope
Cab Driver: Really? I would have thought you be married with two kids.
Me: Yeah
Cab Driver: I’m surprised. You’re top chef. You know? Top chef. You ain’t all beat up.

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