[NOTE: I slapped this up here without any context so just wanted to take a moment to say… there’s no context. I was just sitting around thinking of things you never hear anyone say either because they’re ridiculous or because they’re socially unacceptable. So I thought I’d make a list. This is that list.]
“Wow, nice toupee!”
“I find the way we’ve been introduced a number of times but you always act as if you don’t know me refreshing.”
“Oh goody, I was hoping your sister could come along on our date.”
“Gee, thanks for these holiday themed socks that play a song. They’re just what I wanted!”
“No need to pay me, boss. I put in a mind-numbing day of pointless work because I enjoy it.”
“Tell me again about your bunion!”
“Well I came to your party to see if there was anyone who could advance my career or who I could sleep with. Since there isn’t, I’m going to hit the road. Mind if I look in your medicine cabinet first?”
“I don’t know what it is but Urkel just cracks me up.”
“Actually yes, you do look fat in those pants.”
“Thanks for inviting me over and telling me those fantastically dull stories!”
“I thought we might have a future together but then I got to know you.”
“It’s you, not me.”
“Actually I am ready for a relationship, just not with you.”
“Hands down, the best thing about a cocaine-fueled orgy is the way you feel the next day.”
