Friday’s Red Eye intros hit a new pinnacle of absurdity and some of the guests couldn’t stop laughing. Of all the horribly wrong things I’ve had a hand in writing, I think I’m most proud of these. Actually, that’s a huge statement, so maybe I should rethink it, since when I die I’d really rather not have “she’s so smart if brains were a cheese log, I’d pick at her nuts” on my tombstone. Is it bad luck to wonder what your epitaph will be? I recall a conversation where I was pressed to answer and I said “she liked words [long pause]… more than people.” Anyway, off to paint my fingernails black and write free verse in my diary. And that brings me to another intro which probably can’t be used: “He’s so smart if brains were a do not disturb sign, I’d hang him on my knob.”
UPDATE: HERE’S A VIDEO OF THE INTROS I WAS TALKING ABOUT ABOVE:
