Tobey hanging out on my dad’s shoe.
Author Archive | Alison Rosen
planning for my golden years
[UPDATE: The following was a real chat with an old Orange County friend, not someone I’m dating. I thought it was amusing. I should have clarified because I can see how if you read it thinking it’s someone I’m currently in a relationship with it would appear to be a raw deal as opposed to what it was: just a friendly future marriage proposal.]
him: if you’re 40 and still not married AND you just happen to move back to the OC, call me
me: are you offering to be my backup?
him: yes, in fact, i am
me: or are you suggesting that I would be your backup
him: no no no. i have no desire to get married (right now). but when you get old n stuff…eh, maybe..
me: yeah, old n stuff
him: the real question here is: do you want children? and by children, i mean – a small yardwork workforce
me: yes I do. I’m glad we’re getting all this out of the way before I turn 40
him: you are running out of time
me: thank you
She totally believed that I didn't know who the Wiggles were!
My friend Wendy and I are so in love with our own musings that we decided to share them! On a blog! No, for truly! http://alisonandwendy.tumblr.com/
Now, some background: Wendy and I went to college together. We were both English majors. We had a friend who we called the MPG, or Modern Poetry Gestapo, because he got very upset with me one day when I didn’t finish all the reading. While in college Wendy did improv and hated scatological humor. I had a pet rabbit and liked scatological humor. Also, I had a lot of candles. Now Wendy lives on the West Coast with her husband. They both write for TV and perform. I live on the East Coast and make homemade krullers.*
*oh, like there are any other kind of krullers
p.s. I don’t make krullers.
Dear New Hampshire,
I enjoyed you, kind of, when I spent three days on your Loon mountain at a Christian rock concert which I was writing about for a magazine (Seventeen, if you must know). Also, I enjoyed you when I went back about a month later for a wedding. In particular, I was tickled by your love of moose knick knacks. I don’t share your passion for moose, but if I did, I would definitely visit you to get my fill of Moosenalia, which I think is the name of one of your stores. Probably because Moose Crap was already taken. BUT I DON’T APPRECIATE THE WAY YOU’RE CAUSING TUESDAY’S RED EYE EPISODE, UPON WHICH I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE APPEARING, TO BE CANCELED.
Alison
The correct answer…
to last night’s four truths and a lie is C. I don’t collect puppets. Congrats to all those who got it right and to those of you know came thisclose but then missed it, better luck next time!
Four truths and a lie
Alright, because you guys have asked, I’ll do this again and make it a little harder:
a) When I was six I wanted to be a psychiatrist
b) Sometimes I say mirror when I mean window and vice versa
c) I collect puppets
d) I hate horror movies
e) I love the smell of laundry
Five Things
Awhile ago my friend Rhett Reese who created the brilliant reality show parody The Joe Schmo Show taught me the “3 truths and a lie” game where you tell someone four things about yourself and they have to guess which one is made up. I was terrible at this game as I’m both gullible and a bad liar. But that shan’t stop us from playing it now, blog readers! Perhaps this will even be a recurring blog thingie! You love thingies!
Okay, here are five things you don’t know about me. You find the one that isn’t true:
a) I can believe it’s not butter, but I don’t care
b) I’m clumsy
c) I had pet ducks growing up
d) I always preferred Judy Blume to Beverly Cleary
e) I’m a civil war hero
And here's my movie segment from last night's Red Eye
If you get bored just scroll ahead to the post-game wrap up part! Also, I’m noticing I lapse into this strange way of speaking when I do these segments (these and the body language ones). It’s my smarmy and somewhat clipped faux official news voice. The first thing to go, apparently, are the contractions.
My Best Bets segment from this morning
I’m wearing the same makeup in this segment (toned down a little and cleaned up) that I was on Red Eye last night because I was too tired to take it off only to be putting it all back on in the span of a few hours. But whenever I do this I end up sleeping like a little mummy because I’m trying not to move so the extra sleep I think I’m going to get by leaving the makeup on is canceled out by the fact that I don’t sleep well in it. My hair was delightfully styled here by the woman who regularly does Regis and Kelly’s hair but was filling in at NBC because Regis and Kelly is on hiatus. I was far too excited by my hair’s brush with greatness! (oh no I did not!!!!!!)(that was an unintended pun! even when I’m on/off I’m on/off!)
The irony!
So I have this free SAT Question of the Day 2008 desk calendar because someone at work didn’t want it and I like to keep my mind agile and nimble like a high school sophomore. Or maybe junior? All I remember from the test is that the guy in front of me had dreadlocks and they smelled. Anyway, so I have this calendar which should go on the list of things where I think “ooh, that’ll be fun!” and they really aren’t* except this one has been not that unfun so far. The irony though? I can answer the questions but I can’t figure out how to get the calendar to stand upright on my desk like it’s supposed to.
*the ultimate “ooh that’ll be fun” idea that wasn’t at all fun and the realization of its lack of fun was all but immediate? my sister and I were standing on a subway platform waiting forever and I said “hey, I have a fun idea! let’s look through our cell phone phone books and remember how we met each person!”
Oh and I’ll be doing another movie segment on Red Eye tonight!