I watched Heathers about a million times when I was a youngster and even wrote a paper about it in college so this news is pretty exciting.
In other less exciting news, where is Dustin? How are we supposed to vlog plus go to Throwing Muses when we’re only going to have time for Throwing Muses? Eh, that’s ok. My face feels red anyway (I’ve discussed this Rudolph syndrome with you, yes? Yes.)
Earlier today I took a shower because I’m a go-getter and as soon as the water hit my skin, which is nubile and supple, by the way, everything began smelling intensely of bell peppers and my fear —that I’ve been walking around smelling like a pepper—was confirmed. “This is as I feared!” I yelled into the drain, as the heady and intoxicating elixir slid off my skin like so many burritos.
As I sit here typing this, smelling not of peppers but of the vacuum left behind when one’s peppery perfume is robbed of them by a cold blast of ruthless water, I feel naked. I also feel like I have a headache. I do in fact have a headache, probably because I have my hair in rollers atop my head and the weight of the rollers is putting strain on my already overburdened brain.
But rollers aren’t very heavy, you are likely thinking.
But see, I’m not using rollers, I’m using turnips.
Bet you thought I was going to say I was using peppers? You don’t know me at all!
So how am I cooking these stinky fruits? And they are fruits technically according to wikipedia. If you’re imagining that I’m preparing some kind of fancy thing with rice and beef and tomatoes and egg and bread crumbs and sesame seeds and basil and brown sugar and marjoram and margarine and sunflower seeds and figs and dates and oysters and tomato juice and stewed prunes and avocados and abogados (Spanish lawyers) and albodingas (Spanish soup) and elbows (elbows) and elbow macaroni and Terrytown, Pennsylvania (it just seemed to fit there) and Dracula (because Terrytown made me think of Transylvania) and lightbulbs (because Transylvania made me think of Sylvania) and the New York dolls (because Sylvania made me think of Sylvain Sylvain) and Patty Hearst (I’m no longer going to say what’s making me think of what and you see if you can figure it out) and NewsCorp and uh oh, nothing else is coming to me.
Anyway, you’re wrong so just hold it right there, Charley.
In fact, I just cut up the peppers and get rid of the seeds (I like to plant them in a trash can) and then microwave them. If what you’re looking for is soft, mushy peppers that will stay on your skin for weeks, that’s what you’ll get. Then I eat them with ketchup, have sex with a blood relative and call it a night.
Does something bloom at about 10pm in NYC because this is the second night in a row my allergies are acting up at night. And by 10pm I guess I mean what feels like 9pm. In fact when I sneeze it’s really a nine o’clock type sneeze. It sounds like the theme song to Grey’s Anatomy, not Perfect Practice, if you know what I’m saying which I doubt you do. It also sounds like Frasier which I’m pretty sure was on at 9pm at some point. Maybe?
So why am I writing about my 9pm-but-it-was-really-10pm sneezes at three-in-the-morning- which-is-really-two-in-the-morning? Because my friend Scott who is a super duper computer guru helped me with some stuff and took control of my screen and said “Are you sick?” (we were ichatting with audio which I didn’t realize was a viable option because I’m still living in the past of one hour ago) and I explained that no, I’m just experiencing the kind of allergies one has when cats spontaneously bloom at 10pm. Cats and dust apparently. And those dander bushes, too. But the computer stuff took awhile. And then I wasted time doing I’m not even sure what.
So I’m tired is what I’m saying. And stuffed up.
My mom just sent these to me. In other news I cooked bell peppers tonight and now my whole apartment smells really bell peppery. Ok fine, I actually also cooked them the night before and the night before. I’m not one for variety. For example, I was hoping all my clothes, like every last garment would smell like a bell pepper and I’m pretty sure I got my wish.
You can read about it here: http://alisonandwendy.tumblr.com/
A commenter on my previous post said it looked like I needed a pick-me-up and I should look at puppies at a pet store. So true! But since I don’t have time to go to a pet store I thought I’d post cute photos instead. And then since I was posting cute photos of course I had to include some of myself because anything else? Criminal!
Here is a duckling.
Here’s Tobey looking scruffy.
Here’s me at The Gates a few years ago. It was orange and yet unspectacular.
Here’s Woofie when he was a puppy with his toy.
Here’s Tobey looking all smushed.
Here’s me on CNET’s The 404 which I’ll be back on April 10.
Here’s a cute kitten and duckling.
Here’s me with rollers stuck to a hat. (If you haven’t checked out the video of Anna, Natali and me discussing this hot trend, you should totally do so. It’s somewhere on youtube. Happy hunting!)
Here’s me on Red Eye last week.
I was thinking this morning about people who decide not to watch the news or read newspapers because it’s too depressing and how I find, in general, that’s a pretty irresponsible stance. But then I was thinking, WHY do I feel that way? I mean, what good does it do me to know that 16 were killed in a school attack in Germany and the police who are called something other than police in German killed the attacker? It’s not like I was about to go to school in Germany. You know?
I mean I guess it’s just best to live in reality. That’s something I’ve felt for a long time. But then there are people who would say that reality is somewhat subjective (I would argue that’s semantics and that it’s really not that subjective) and then there’s a whole industry that’s cropped up around this idea that you can forge your own reality by just shutting it all out and la la la la la happy thoughts la la.
Sorry, I’ve been bad at posting the last couple days and then I drop this not-very-fun bomb on you guys.
Love me anyway?
Ok thanks.
Also: new couch arrived today! It already has a piece of my hair on it. And how do I feel about the fact that I chose a light colored couch even though everyone told me not to? I feel like… everyone was right! I mean, I like how it looks but I’m already afraid to sit on it or stain it in any way. Yay for me!
I guess you just sometimes have to do the things that everyone tells you not to do. And sometimes you have to always do them.
How excited are you?
1. Very
2. Super
3. Sooooooo
4. Incredibly
5. Totally
6. Freakishly
7. Unbelievably
8. WOOHOOOOO, I’m so
go here to read: Alison And Wendy